Fatal things to say to your pregnant wife

Gypsy · 06-20-2004, 16:52

17. "I finished the Oreos."

16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds."

15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!"

14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever."

13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl."

12. "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."

11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."

10. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"

9. "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"

8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"

7. "Get your *own* ice cream."

6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."

5. "Got milk?"

4. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Bambi."

3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"

2. "Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."

And the Number 1 Fatal Thing to Say to Your Pregnant Wife...

1. "You don't have the guts to pull the trigger.

**The Reaper** · 06-20-2004, 19:57

Our son was born on a Superbowl Monday.

Since labor was going to be induced, I asked the Doc whether he really planned to be at the hospital to meet us at 0600. He said yes, so I behaved myself.

He stumbled in at 0930 looking pretty shabby, his partner came in at 1130, suffering the ill effects of what must have been one heck of a good party.

Oh, and our Son was finally born about 1730.

Thanks Doc!

TR

hoepoe · 06-21-2004, 02:03

1. "You don't have the guts to pull the trigger.

LOL

Plain insanity !!

Hoepoe

**Razor** · 06-21-2004, 13:29

My wife took "Labor" Day weekend seriously for our oldest's birth.

**Jack Moroney (RIP)** · 06-21-2004, 14:27

Never really had to worry about saying much of anything fatal, I wasn't around for the first two and was TDY for a good part of the third pregnancy. When I came home during that pregnance, "Honey, I'm home!" damn near was fatal enough.

Jack Moroney

Max_Tab · 06-21-2004, 16:08

I was lucky too. Was around for the conception (thank God) and the first 4 months, then I deployed for the last part,got to be home for the birth, then went back overseas and missed the shitty first 2 months when my daughter came home. Hopefully i'll be able to do the same thing for my son (my wife is 6 months pregnant now, and i've been gone for 5 and a half weeks).

Oh to add to the list

Honey, if i could do this for you I would. (must say with what looks like complete sincerity, oh and also you can't smile at all when you say it).

**Jack Moroney (RIP)** · 06-21-2004, 19:47

Quote:

Originally posted by Max_Tab
Hopefully i'll be able to do the same thing for my son (my wife is 6 months pregnant now, and i've been gone for 5 and a half weeks).

I hope you will too.

Being an 18E you would probably appreciate the way I was notified of my daughter's birth. We had just laid an ambush and had pulled off to some high ground to send a SITREP. We were out of FM range so we cranked up the an AN/PRC-64 that we had brought along. Couldn't raise the team house but did get to Nha Trang. Passed the SITREP and got back a msg telling me that I was the father of a baby girl. My radio operator told me that the msg was classified, handed me a trigraph and the code pad page and told me that I had to decrypt it. This sly fox had already figured it out. Best OJT I ever had.

Jack Moroney

Max_Tab · 06-22-2004, 16:27

lmfao, now that right there was a good echo.

Max_Tab · 06-26-2004, 21:06

Talking about the size of the kid ..."when we can finally have sex, it's gonna be like a broom handle in a garbage can."

FILO · 06-27-2004, 19:54

CincHouse is currently 8 months pregnant. Today I forgot she DOES NOT like chocolate ice cream. So you can add this to the list....."well next time you go to the grocery store."

Gypsy · 06-27-2004, 20:06

Quote:

Originally posted by Max_Tab
Talking about the size of the kid ..."when we can finally have sex, it's gonna be like a broom handle in a garbage can."

LOL! The husband of a girlfriend of mine, who has given birth to 3 rather large kids, calls her GC....

DunbarFC · 06-28-2004, 07:50

My friends are expecting their second in September and I saw them at a cook out this weekend and when I saw her I said " Wow look at how big you are ! "

Did not go over so well................

24601 · 06-28-2004, 08:04

At one of my uncles funeral's, my cousin said to my sister (7 months pregnant at the time) "You're large with child. You were so small the last time I saw you."

She glared at him and said"I'm not large."

His wife dragged him away ...lol