Obama's War on Fox News Becomes a Quagmire
By Red Square
10/20/2009, 4:34 pm
THE WHITE HOUSE - Despite the President's promise of a swift and decisive victory, Obama's War on Fox News has developed all signs of an unwinnable quagmire, making the White House even more isolated in its unilateral attempts to crush the growing media insurgency. As the war continues to grind on for a second month, public opinion is shifting towards a quick and complete withdrawal. While many observers still agree that the "War on Limbaugh" is a "just and necessary war," even the former supporters of the war effort are now labeling the War on Fox an "unnecessary war of choice" and claim that the cable channel had nothing to do with Obama's falling approval numbers.
Some say that the general in charge, Anita Dunn, greatly underestimated the power of fiery critic Glenn "Muqtada" Beck and his band of radical followers, who have inflicted heavy casualties on White House forces.
The war has recently passed an ugly milestone as Obama's hand-picked czar Van Jones exploded in the middle of the battlefield littered with pencils, notebooks, blackberries, and media tags, sending shockwaves of terror through the ranks of reporters in the service of the administration.
Accusations of war crimes continue to surface, the most recent war atrocity being Katie Couric's interview with Glenn Beck, after which the prominent Fox News commentator was found outside the CBS studios disoriented, with plucked eyebrows, and a coveted jar of M&Ms stolen from his pocket.
While the notorious Guantanamo Bay prison is being shut down, President Obama is rumored to be in talks with Fidel Castro to use the East German political prison on Cuba's Isle of Pines as a secret detention center for the "enemy commentators." However, the White House's unilateral decision to classify all Fox News journalists as "enemy commentators" has been roundly criticized by human rights organizations, who maintain they should be covered by the "Inside the Beltway Convention."
At home, the numbers of mainstream media outlets sending troops to War on Fox News have dwindled. The most notably absent is the New York Times, which has so far refused to enter the war. A stern-faced and combative President Obama, surrounded by veterans of press corps and families of donors, denounced their action as an "act of treason," rejecting any timetable on his war.
But while the President drapes his unpopular policies with concern for the well-being of American journalism, more and more editors, reporters, and even unionized janitorial staff are beginning to oppose their commander-in-chief for trying to "win" an unwinnable war with their hands, instead of just using executive powers to ban all dissenting speech.
"I've been in the media for a long time, I signed up because I hate this right-wing, knuckle-dragging, imperialist system, and I would gladly sacrifice any number of my fellow Americans to advance my agenda - but this is a dumb war and a rash war," Keith Olbermann of MSNBC told The People's Cube outside a congressional office he visited to demand a government crackdown on dissidents. "Why must we in the field put our reputations on the line when this Congress has the power to simply confiscate Rupert Murdoch's assets and put Beck, Hannity, and Coulter in jail?" he demanded.
Chris Matthews: This president has a moral obligation to order an increase in MSNBC ratings and to shut down Fox News by a government edict.
Olbermann was seconded by his colleague Chris Mathews, who said he had also enlisted to defend the progressive agenda against all enemies, foreign and domestic. For his part, Mathews carried a hand-written letter on behalf of his fellow journalists, accusing the Obama administration of "losing" the media war which the mainstream media had "won" for him in the run-up to last year's election when they toppled the regime of George W. Bush and the Republican majority in Congress.
The war is also personal for the aging media veteran Dan Rather, who had won many media battles but one single failure brought him a dishonorable discharge. As a result he is now suffering from Post-Traumatic-Stress Disorder (PTSD), has become homeless, and lives somewhere under the Manhattan Bridge. "This war has put a lot of wear and tear on liberal commentators," Rather observes. "Their families are being broken up because they come back home with PTSD, STD, PMS, with drug and alcohol addictions, and afflicted by severe violent and suicidal tendencies."
It is hardly a consolation that Rather is soon expected to be joined under the bridge by Rachel Maddow, Maureen Dowd, and Katie Couric, whose activist group "Boobs not Bombs" failed to distract Americans from watching Fox News by publicly flashing their breasts. The trio has been reportedly suffering from a host of psychological disorders ever since the polls revealed most Americans still preferred the sight of Bill O'Rilley's receding hairline.
Conspiracy theorists are using this old footage to support an allegation that the White House and Fox News have been planning this war all along, and are now using it to distract the public from learning the sobering truth about Joe Biden.
The mounting casualties are causing more Americans to question the President's reasons for starting the War on Fox and his conduct of it. It is now being revealed that Obama began planning the war within days of his taking office and months before launching the attack.
"From the outset, there was a conviction Fox News was intractable and it needed to go," an unnamed White House source told the People's Cube. "The dangerous prospect of an informed voter loomed large in the Obama administration's plans of a pre-emptive strike. White House officials, in public and behind the scenes, made allegations depicting Fox News programming as less fair and balanced than it really was. But we never saw any evidence of it. Our reliance on mainstream media in this regard resulted in distorted intelligence."
The fact that none of the administration's claims have panned out raises a troubling question: What was Obama's real reason for the attack?
Doubts like these are causing slippage in support for the first in American history war waged by a U.S. President against a news organization.
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Special reporting by war correspondents General Secretary and Red Square
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