Guess this memo could also be posted in the humour section - but it seemed relevant here!
FROM: Bin Laden, Osama.
TO: All Al Qaeda Fighters.
SUBJECT: The Cave
Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really
come together as a group and I love that!
However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of
the cave, and frankly I have a few concerns:
First of all: While it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles,
we should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want
to avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) - so we need to
sweep the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning roster - have you?
I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area.
Second: It's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to scare the hell out of most of the world's population, okay?
That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background or keep doing the 'Wasssuuup' thing. Thanks.
Third: Food. I bought a box of cheese squares recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on the front, and put it on the top shelf of the fridge. Today two of the slices were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. And Please - do not chant "Ossy, Ossy, Ossy. Oii Oii Oii" when I ride past on the donkey.
Fifth: Graffiti. Whoever wrote "OSAMA F**** DONKEYS" on the group toilet wall, it's a lie. The donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain.
Sixth: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse that the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys there is a grey area.)
Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soliders in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.
Love you lots, Group Hug. Os.
PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry bag. Cut it out, it's not funny anymore.