04-20-2005, 15:29
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#1
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Ohio
Posts: 982
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Another lawyer joke
A patient needs a heart transplant. He has been waiting for the phone call from his Physician when suddenly the phone rings. It's his Doctor with great news.
His Doctor tells him there's not one but two perfect matches for him and he can take his pick between the two donors.
One is a 27 year old marathon runner.
The other is a 55 year old lawyer.
The man tells the Doctor that he will take the lawyers heart. His Doctor asks him why?
The man replies, because it's never been used. 
Doc
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Doc is offline
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04-20-2005, 16:08
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#2
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Consigliere
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Free Pineland (at last)
Posts: 8,833
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Doc
The man replies, because it's never been used. |
He had one? Hmmm . . .
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Roguish Lawyer is offline
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04-20-2005, 18:36
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#3
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Free Pineland
Posts: 24,812
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Good one, Doc!
TR
__________________
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - President Theodore Roosevelt, 1910
De Oppresso Liber 01/20/2025
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The Reaper is offline
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04-20-2005, 19:36
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#4
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Asset
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oregon close to the edge of the woods
Posts: 13
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Do you know whats wrong with a Lawyer in sand up to his neck ?
Not enough sand. 
SK
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signedknife is offline
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04-20-2005, 19:57
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#5
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Consigliere
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Free Pineland (at last)
Posts: 8,833
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What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
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Roguish Lawyer is offline
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04-20-2005, 23:52
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#6
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Guerrilla Chief
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Vancouver (Not BC), Washington (Not DC)
Posts: 505
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How many lawyers can you fit into a 55 gallon drum?
One more.
__________________
"How can a pacifist, tolerant anti-violence, anti-hunting, anti Second Amendment, anti-self-defense group turn to violence against a party that is pro- all of that?" - The Reaper, 11Oct04 14:42hrs
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Bravo1-3 is offline
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04-21-2005, 05:10
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#7
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Ohio
Posts: 982
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood.
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Doc is offline
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05-01-2005, 16:21
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#8
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Asset
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 6
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What happens when you feed a lawyer Viagra?
He gets taller
----
Edited to correct spelling mistake, 07/06
Last edited by x95lee; 07-06-2005 at 19:00.
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x95lee is offline
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05-09-2005, 17:28
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#9
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Area Commander
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Pinehurst,NC
Posts: 1,091
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What's the difference between a dead lawyer in the road and a dead rabbit in the road? The rabbit has skid marks in front of it.
__________________
Let us conduct ourselves in such a fashion that all nations wish to be our friends and all fear to be our enemies. The Virtues of War - Steven Pressfield
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dennisw is offline
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05-09-2005, 18:14
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#10
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SF Candidate
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: ATX
Posts: 211
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
The lawyer keeps f***ing you after you're dead.
__________________
"If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend."
-Abraham Lincoln
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Achilles is offline
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05-09-2005, 18:18
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#11
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Area Commander
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Midwest
Posts: 7,134
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by x95lee
What hapens when you feed a lawyer Viagra?
He gets taller
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LMAO
__________________
My Heroes wear camouflage.
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Gypsy is offline
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05-09-2005, 18:31
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#12
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Occupied Pineland
Posts: 4,701
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by x95lee
What hapens when you feed a lawyer Viagra?
He gets taller
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That's why they wear ties and button the top button on their shirt - it keeps the foreskin from creeping up!
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Peregrino is offline
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07-02-2005, 14:08
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#13
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Auxiliary
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 82
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An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St Peter checks his dossier and says "Ah, you're an engineer, you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day GOD calls SATAN up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down here in hell?" SATAN replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." GOD replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." SATAN says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." GOD says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." SATAN laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right, and just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
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72_Wilderness is offline
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07-04-2005, 21:58
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#14
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Guerrilla
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The state that can't count it's ballots.
Posts: 429
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Quote:
Peregrino Quote:
That's why they wear ties and button the top button on their shirt - it keeps the foreskin from creeping up!
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That's gross. But funny as hell!!!
__________________
"Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?" Then I said, "Here am I. Send me".
-Isaiah 6:8
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Spartan359 is offline
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07-05-2005, 11:10
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#15
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: LA
Posts: 1,653
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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriffs Deputy.
He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education.
He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputies expense...
Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign ."
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and regist ration, please."
Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law.
License and registration, please!"
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket,if not you let me go and no ticket."
Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says:
"Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
__________________
Somewhere a True Believer is training to kill you. He is training with minimal food or water, in austere conditions, training day and night. The only thing clean on him is his weapon and he made his web gear. He doesn't worry about what workout to do - his ruck weighs what it weighs, his runs end when the enemy stops chasing him. This True Believer is not concerned about 'how hard it is;' he knows either he wins or dies. He doesn't go home at 17:00, he is home.
He knows only The Cause.
Still want to quit?
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NousDefionsDoc is offline
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