My Christmas Lump Tithing

[JJ_BPK]

PSA

I was holding off on this announcement for fear that the Biden administration would send the EPA after me for exceeding my carbon footprint. I will deal with the consequences.

I have decided to announce my 2022 Christmas Tithing Plan, I will donate all my accumulated Christmas Stockings Coal Lumps from the last 5 years to charity.

This tithing will amount to some 25 metric tonnes and should be welcomed by the folks that need heating coal.

Don't thank me, I am but a small lump in Santa's Naughty List. 😎

PS: My accountant advised that I should be able to take a tax credit using the current coal market prices, rather than the "as bought" price. You may want to consider this opportunity.

[Box]

So...

Are you covering the cost of the carbon credits or is the responsibility being passed on to the folks that end up with one of your old overstuffed climate murdering Christmas stockings?
I don't know (and dont want to know) about your finances but once you start donating cash or property upwards of 250 dollars - the IRS is going to start sniffing around for a written letter of acknowledgement. I can't afford to invite the IRS into my business, especially when that business can impact the energy I need in my home to keep my family warm - heat my coffee - keep my beer cold.

...sure, I can make biscuits and gravy "cowboy style" over an open fire, but that's going to look CRAZY in my neighborhood, and some of my fucking neighbors had "Lesko Brandon for Resident" signs in their yards - these mother fuckers WILL rat me out to the government if they think I am not paying my fair share of energy taxes - or if they think I have an un-permitted fire on my property.

C'mon man.

25 Metric tons (55,000 pounds) is going to cause a footprint.
A paper trail.
Some bread crumbs.
Its going to leave a footprint in the bread crumbs that are spread all over the paper on the trail !!!
...and who is going to clean that mess up?

Gentleman, we live in a world that has too much carbon, and that carbon has to be moderated by bureaucrats with carbon credits.
Who's gonna clean up the paper trail of bread crumbs left by undeclared coal and unpaid carbon credit fees ??
You?
That Lieutenant Weinberg guy or his fast talking buddy Dan Kaffee?

The EPA has a greater responsibility than we can possibly fathom. We weep for the closing of the Keystone Pipeline, and we mock the environmentalists.
We have that luxury.
We have the luxury of not believing in the same shit that those zany climate change zealots believe in.

Environmentalist wackos think that carbon credits - while considered both corrupt and easily exploitable - probably saves lives; or maybe they don't - who cares - but think of the children
...and the existence of environmentalists wackos, while grotesque and incomprehensible to most of us, probably saves lives - then again, maybe it don't - but - whatever.

We don't want the truth about carbon credits because deep down in places we don't talk about at parties, we WANT the profits from those carbon credits.
We NEED the profits from those carbon credits...

The government uses words like "global warming," "diversity," "inclusion."
The government uses these words as the backbone of a life spent fleecing the American people of their hard earned dollars through fear mongering and corruption.
The government also uses them as a punch line.

Environmentalist wackos have neither the time nor the inclination to explain themselves to conservatives that eat meat cooked over a fire made of wood and charcoal.
Conservatives that rise and sleep under the blanket of the very coal fired energy sector that environmentalists are attempting to destroy and then question the honesty and integrity of the carbon offset program.

I would rather that conservatives just said "thank you sir may I have another" and went on their way.
Otherwise, I suggest that conservatives pick up a checkbook and cover the cost of 55,000 pounds worth of carbon credits so I can use that money to invest in cryptocurrency.


It's not as bad as Oprah "giving away" cars as a tax break for the cost of her show while refusing to pay the tax fees that the recipients incur for such a large gift - but still - carbon credits could cost as much as 80 bucks a ton. 80 bucks will buy me a bottle of Glenfiddich 14 year Bourbon Barrel Reserve and two foot-long chili dogs from Sonic...

Are you trying to pull some kind of scam?
Did you get this hare-brained idea from Sam-the-Crypto-Guy?



C'mon man, We hold these truths to be self-evident. All men and women are created, by the, you know, you know the thing...

[JJ_BPK]

Originally Posted by Box

So...

1) Are you covering the cost of the carbon credits or is the responsibility being passed on to the folks that end up with one of your old overstuffed climate murdering Christmas stockings?


2) Are you trying to pull some kind of scam?
Did you get this hare-brained idea from Sam-the-Crypto-Guy?

1) I was told as long as I tith to a valid 401C, the carbon footprint is passed. The good news is the 401C has an exclusion clause from an Obama-era EOs. My accountant has an excellent track record of keeping her mouth shut and getting it done. I highly recommend Vijaya Gadde, head of legal policy, trust, and safety at Twitter.
2)Yes, I have been working with Sam while vacationing at his place in the islands, but rather than use your gutturally harsh vocabulary,, I prefer to use a more seasonal term, Vellón la ingenua ( fleece the naive )

[Golf1echo]

I think your good, if you follow the chain of custody wouldn’t the Coke Cola Company or one of it’s subsidiaries be culpable?

[Box]

Before I invoke the power of sanctimonious self-righteousness to pass any final judgment...
...could you smoke a Boston butt, Texas-style beef brisket, or full rack of St Louis-style pork spareribs with the coal you are donating, or is it a different type of coal that I'm not familiar with?

I'd hate to slip carelessly into another virtue-signaling rant only to once again demonstrate my raw hypocrisy by saying "hows about pushing me a few Christmas stockings full of that North Pole coal" only to find out that it is ill-suited for use as a barbeque fuel.

I mean - I'm still cool with hypocrisy - in fact, I use a sugar free hypocrisy-based rub when I cook vegan BBQ ribs for my holiday guests - I just like to be informed.


Happy Holidays
...and all that jazz

[JimP]

Point of order JJ: The "PREVIOUSLY employed by twitter....Vajaja-poo-nanny-hootin-glove."

She is now amongst the ranks of the unemployed; soon to appear no doubt as the head of one of our country's major agencies. DOE? DOS? I hear there's an opening at the nuclear disposal gig.

[Joker]

Originally Posted by JimP

Point of order JJ: The "PREVIOUSLY employed by twitter....Vajaja-poo-nanny-hootin-glove."

She is now amongst the ranks of the unemployed; soon to appear no doubt as the head of one of our country's major agencies. DOE? DOS? I hear there's an opening at the nuclear disposal gig.

I hear that there is high value baggage in that empty office...

[MR2]

Originally Posted by Joker

I hear that there is high value baggage in that empty office...

I wonder if any of them contain a missing laptop?

[Badger52]

Originally Posted by Box

...could you smoke a Boston butt, Texas-style beef brisket, or full rack of St Louis-style pork spareribs with the coal you are donating, or is it a different type of coal that I'm not familiar with?

When you cut right down to the Chase Manhattan, this is really the question.

[JJ_BPK]

Originally Posted by JimP

Point of order JJ: The "PREVIOUSLY employed by twitter....Vajaja-poo-nanny-hootin-glove."

She is now amongst the ranks of the unemployed; soon to appear no doubt as the head of one of our country's major agencies. DOE? DOS? I hear there's an opening at the nuclear disposal gig.

Yes, that's the point. Her services are currently at an acceptably discounted rate with growth potential

This girl is walking the Covfefe Walk

[MR2]

From the only Republican in Aspen:

https://theaspenbeat.com/2022/12/15/...tle-perv-perp/

Well done.

[Box]

I'd ask if JJ was planning on donating any of his Christmas coal to this recently unseated Nuclear oversight freak but I get the feeling that this mentally deranged man child named Sam has so much fucking Santa coal that it could create more power per capita than all the Uranium that a corrupt cabal of Obama era administrators and Bill Clintons wife were able to transfer to our enemies.