15 things men can do at Wal-Mart

[Trip_Wire (RIP)]

15 things men can do at Wal-Mart -- while their wives are taking their damned sweet time:

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: 'Code 3 in Housewares'... and see what happens.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay-away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the Camping Department -- and tell other shoppers you're sleeping over; invite them to join you if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the Hunting Department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."

12. In the Auto Department, practice your "Madonna look" using different-sized funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack ... and when people browse through, say: "PICK ME!! PICK ME!!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! ... It's those voices again!!!"

And, last but not least:

15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while ... then yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here!"

[daquat]

I'll add two more ideas if I may...

16: With a vacant look in your eyes, repeatedly push your cart into the poles in the aisles. Perhaps adding the phrase "Excuse me" every time. It works best if you keep hitting the *same* pole.

17: Tell all the people you pass in the store "I'm going to get a pony!"

A friend of my mom's has a habit of doing those two. I think he does it in hopes that she will stop asking him to shop with her anymore. He'll be interested in the first fifteen I am sure.

Happy holidays to all.
~Mark