Can't Come to Work

BMT (RIP) · 02-09-2004, 09:49

Employee: "I'm sorry but I can't come in today. My doctor says I suffer from Anal Glaucoma."

Boss: "Anal Glaucoma? What's that?"

Employee: "I just can't see my ass coming to work!"

Gypsy · 02-09-2004, 12:16

LOL great joke BMT. In keeping with the "not wanting to go to work" theme...here's another.

In 1923, who was:

1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?

These men were considered some of the world's most successful of their day.

Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us if we know what
ultimately became of them.

The answers:

1. The president of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper.
2. The president of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, went insane.
3. The president of the NYSE, Richard Whitney, was released from
prison to die at home.
4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad,
penniless.
5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement, shot
himself.
6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore, also committed suicide.

However, in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion and the winner of the most important golf tournament, the US Open, was Gene Sarazen.

What became of him?

He played golf until he was 92, died in 1999 at the age of 95. He
was financially secure at the time of his death.

The moral:

Screw work. Play golf!

BMT (RIP) · 11-25-2008, 08:26

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.

'What's the matter?' he asks.

'I have a case of anal glaucoma,' she says in a weak voice.

'What the hell is anal glaucoma?'

'I can't see my ass coming into work today.

BMT

SF_BHT · 11-25-2008, 08:35

That is a good one.
Thanks for posting, where the heck do you get all of the jokes?????

Rogue · 11-25-2008, 09:30

Great one as always....

YOU ARE the KING of the Comedy Zone...... LOL

**Dan** · 11-25-2008, 11:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by SF_BHT

That is a good one.
Thanks for posting, where the heck do you get all of the jokes?????

I think he recycles them

I merged the latest version with his thread from 2004

SF_BHT · 11-25-2008, 11:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dan

I think he recycles them

I merged the latest version with his thread from 2004

Well he is getting old. You know those lucid moments are fleeting so you have to make the best of them.

tst43 · 11-26-2008, 08:58

Here is an oldie but goodie that deals with the holiday season and the workplace.

An overzealous Avon saleswoman who believed that there was no finer products in the world than those sold by Avon was embarking on what was sure to be a record sales day for her. The Avon lady was going from floor to floor in a huge office building and selling her products while everyone was engaged in x-mas parties which included the consumption of vast amounts of alcohol.

While alone in the elevator and between floors, the Avon lady cut loose with a fart that made even her own eyes water. Thinking fast, she reached into her sample back and pulled out a can of Avon's finest pine-scented air freshener and began to spray it in a liberal fashion. Satisfied that she had rectified the situation, the Avon lady put the empty can in her bag.

Immediately thereafter, the elevator stopped at the next floor and no sooner had the doors opened, a drunken officer worker staggered into the elevator. As the elevator began to move, the drunk began to smell the air and exclaimed "What in the hell is that smell?!?" Sensing a possible sale, the Avon lady asked "Sir, what does it smell like?"

To which the drunk immediately replied "It smells like someone just s@#$ a Christmas tree!!!"

tst43 · 11-26-2008, 09:14

And while on the subject of work....

A junior echo SF team member was hard at work one day carefully inspecting all of the commo gear for an upcoming deployment. As the junior echo was sweating hard and working diligently on the task at hand, he overheard his team sergeant and senior echo engage in a serious discussion as to whether sex was half work or half fun.

Not being able to settle the debate amongst themselves, the team sergeant and senior echo decided to solicit the opinion of the hardworking junior who was still toiling nearby.

"Hey junior", said the team sergeant. "Is sex half work or half fun?" The junior stopped working and thought for a moment and then replied, "I think sex must be ALL fun." The team sergeant and senior echo both looked at each other in disbelief after such a stupid answer.

"How in hell do you figure sex is ALL fun?!!?, screamed the team sergeant and the senior echo. "Because, if there was ANY work involved you would have me do it!"' replied the junior.

Anyone with any info as to the whereabouts of this junior echo is encouraged to contact the authorities, as he has not been seen or heard from since making that statement.