09-03-2011, 16:56
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#1
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Red State
Posts: 3,774
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New Federal Golf Rules
These new golf rules will be in effect in August of 2011. Please share with fellow golfers.
President BHO has recently appointed a Golf Czar and major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective in August 2011. This is only a preview as the complete rule book (expect 2000 pages) is being rewritten as we speak.
Here are a few of the changes. Golfers with handicaps:
- below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
- between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
- above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play.
The term "gimmie" will be changed to "entitlement" and will be used as follows:
- handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
- handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for� putter length putts.
- handicaps above 18, if your ball is on green, no need to putt, just pick it up.
These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and most importantly equality in scoring. In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round. Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again. The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term "net score" will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.
This is intended to "re-distribute" the success of winning by making sure that in every competition; the above 18 handicap players will post only "net score" against every other player's gross score. These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf. Golf must be about Fairness. It should have nothing to do with ability, hard work, practice, and responsibility. This is the "Right thing to do."
__________________
Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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BMT (RIP) is offline
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09-03-2011, 17:12
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#2
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Area Commander
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northeast Utah
Posts: 1,712
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This reminds me of a shitstorm I started at a Dean's dinner at medical school when I stated, "I don't think anyone should be given additional time or other special assistance for tests."
The gal sitting next to me, who I knew to recieve special accomodations for her testing through a fit, to which I responded, "I want to be a professional golfer, but I'm not skilled enough - they didn't allow me extra strokes to make up for my shortcomings."
She stated that this was different, so I asked her if someone who needed special assistance should then be required to report his/her special needs to any potential patient before seeing them in the interest of transparency and informed consent. She got up and left dinner.
The dean, sitting across from me gave a grin and then brough up the local professional baseball team's run for the pennant as an overt attempt for a topic change.
__________________
"The dignity of man is not shattered in a single blow, but slowly softened, bent, and eventually neutered. Men are seldom forced to act, but are constantly restrained from acting. Such power does not destroy outright, but prevents genuine existence. It does not tyrannize immediately, but it dampens, weakens, and ultimately suffocates, until the entire population is reduced to nothing better than a flock of timid, uninspired animals, of which the government is shepherd." - Alexis de Tocqueville
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PedOncoDoc is offline
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09-03-2011, 18:25
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#3
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 20,929
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PedOncoDoc
This reminds me of a shitstorm I started at a Dean's dinner at medical school when I stated, "I don't think anyone should be given additional time or other special assistance for tests."
The gal sitting next to me, who I knew to recieve special accomodations for her testing through a fit, to which I responded, "I want to be a professional golfer, but I'm not skilled enough - they didn't allow me extra strokes to make up for my shortcomings."
She stated that this was different, so I asked her if someone who needed special assistance should then be required to report his/her special needs to any potential patient before seeing them in the interest of transparency and informed consent. She got up and left dinner.
The dean, sitting across from me gave a grin and then brough up the local professional baseball team's run for the pennant as an overt attempt for a topic change.
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You've just earned my respect.....  Keep up the good work...
__________________
"The Spartans do not ask how many are the enemy, but where they are."
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Team Sergeant is offline
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11-21-2012, 06:19
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#4
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Guerrilla
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: NH
Posts: 113
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BMT
These new golf rules will be in effect in August of 2011. Please share with fellow golfers.
President BHO has recently appointed a Golf Czar and major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective in August 2011. This is only a preview as the complete rule book (expect 2000 pages) is being rewritten as we speak.
Here are a few of the changes. Golfers with handicaps:
- below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
- between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
- above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play.
The term "gimmie" will be changed to "entitlement" and will be used as follows:
- handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
- handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for� putter length putts.
- handicaps above 18, if your ball is on green, no need to putt, just pick it up.
These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and most importantly equality in scoring. In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round. Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again. The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term "net score" will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.
This is intended to "re-distribute" the success of winning by making sure that in every competition; the above 18 handicap players will post only "net score" against every other player's gross score. These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf. Golf must be about Fairness. It should have nothing to do with ability, hard work, practice, and responsibility. This is the "Right thing to do."
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Update to 2013.......I just received this joke email, above, with an added comment for 2013.....
"So, please remember; if you shot a round of golf under par, you didn't shoot it yourself . Someone else built that course, and someone else cut the grass so that you could play on it. Someone else built the clubs and the cart.
You need to share with everyone and anyone who made you a successful golfer."
__________________
"America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedom, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
Abraham Lincoln
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lovemycountry is offline
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11-21-2012, 06:24
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#5
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Western New York State
Posts: 318
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Using this.
__________________
Enlightenment comes with age. In SF we cannot wait for aged enlightenment to be successful. We need to be successful now. This means hunt out education, seek advice from experts, become an expert, and never stop learning. Never let your ego keep you from asking questions! Pass on your knowledge! (Pistol Pete)
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Destrier is offline
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11-21-2012, 08:11
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#6
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Location, Location
Posts: 4,071
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Wow! I'm so bad at golf that with these rules I'll be the next Tiger Woods!
__________________
The two most powerful warriors are patience and time - Leo Tolstoy
It's Never Crowded Along the Extra Mile - Wayne Dyer
WOKE = Willfully Overlooking Known Evil
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MR2 is offline
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11-21-2012, 08:34
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#7
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: 18 yrs upstate NY, 30 yrs South Florida, 20 yrs Conch Republic, now chasing G-Kids in NOVA & UK
Posts: 11,901
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Love it..
__________________
Go raibh tú leathuair ar Neamh sula mbeadh a fhios ag an diabhal go bhfuil tú marbh
"May you be a half hour in heaven before the devil knows you’re dead"
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JJ_BPK is offline
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11-21-2012, 08:55
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#8
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Area Commander
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western WI
Posts: 6,973
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MR2
Wow! I'm so bad at golf that with these rules I'll be the next Tiger Woods!
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Remember to duck when she swings a 4-iron at you.
__________________
"Civil Wars don't start when a few guys hunt down a specific bastard. Civil Wars start when many guys hunt down the nearest bastards."
The coin paid to enforce words on parchment is blood; tyrants will not be stopped with anything less dear. - QP Peregrino
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Badger52 is offline
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11-21-2012, 11:09
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#9
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BANNED USER
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 3,751
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Badger52
Remember to duck when she swings a 4-iron at you.
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Hand her a one iron.
Out on the links with my old man and he's smokin' the course . . . Birdie, birdie, par, eagle, par, par, birdie, birdie, par.
After the eagle the clouds are just piling up on the horizon and heading our way. We make the turn and he won't even stop in the clubhouse to pee.
Par - it starts to rain. Birdie - it's really comin' down, birdie, par, birdie. Bogey, par, It is a deluge with wind and hail and lightning. Oh man, was there ever lightning. We can see the clubhouse, there are people behind the big window looking at us, they are waving and pointing. Lightning bolt slams into a 200 year old ponderosa pine as my Dad sinks another birdie. A transformer blows and the clubhouse goes dark. Dad tees it up anyway drives it long and perfectly centers it on a wide and slightly rising fairway. Dad, pulls his next club and marches right town the center of the fairway. 100 yards out he holds the club high above his head.
"Dad! what the hell are you doing?!??!!!"
"Relax, Sonny. Even God can't hit a One Iron."
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Dozer523 is offline
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11-21-2012, 13:09
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#10
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Area Commander
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: The Black Hills of SD
Posts: 5,944
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Hummmmm .... the above story reminds me of something ????
What was it ?????
It's on the tip of my brain ?????
OH YEAH .... NOW I REMEMBER !!!!!!! ....... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r95a3p8Os-w
__________________
Non Sibi Sed Suis
_____________________________________________
It's Good To Be Da King !!!! Just ask NDD !!!!
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Sdiver is offline
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11-21-2012, 17:36
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#11
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Guerrilla
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: NH
Posts: 113
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sdiver
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Sdiver...that was one of the best movie's ever..." i have a pond and a pool, but you can use the pond"..... "Varmit Cong" .... "Cinderella story"
__________________
"America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedom, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
Abraham Lincoln
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lovemycountry is offline
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11-22-2012, 00:37
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#12
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BANNED USER
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 3,751
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sdiver
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My Dad's a Catholic.
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Dozer523 is offline
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