09-01-2011, 10:15
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#1
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Asscrackistan
Posts: 4,289
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JOKES TO OFFEND EVERYONE
JOKES TO OFFEND EVERYONE
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different pub.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blond baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit...."
Hopefully you're ROTFLUAO2
__________________
"Berg Heil"
History teaches that when you become indifferent and lose the will to fight someone who has the will to fight will take over."
COLONEL BULL SIMONS
Intelligence failures are failures of command [just] as operations failures are command failures.”
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MtnGoat is offline
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09-01-2011, 11:10
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#2
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Area Commander
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 4,792
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Thanks for some good yuks ! 
__________________
The function of wisdom is to discriminate between good and evil.
Marcus Tullius Cicero
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tonyz is offline
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09-01-2011, 12:43
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#3
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Quiet Professional (RIP)
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Carriere,Ms.
Posts: 6,922
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__________________
I believe that SF is a 'calling' - not too different from the calling missionaries I know received. I knew instantly that it was for me, and that I would do all I could to achieve it. Most others I know in SF experienced something similar. If, as you say, you HAVE searched and read, and you do not KNOW if this is the path for you --- it is not....
Zonie Diver
SF is a calling and it requires commitment and dedication that the uninitiated will never understand......
Jack Moroney
SFA M-2527, Chapter XXXVII
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greenberetTFS is offline
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09-01-2011, 17:52
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#4
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Area Commander
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Midwest
Posts: 7,134
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Most excellent! 
__________________
My Heroes wear camouflage.
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Gypsy is offline
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09-05-2011, 11:13
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#5
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Area Commander
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Clay House Stuttgart, Germany
Posts: 2,671
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MtnGoat
JOKES TO OFFEND EVERYONE
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
Hopefully you're ROTFLUAO2
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How does a Mexican know when it's time to eat?
When his anus orifice quits burning.
Why do Mexicans drive low riders?
So they can cruise and pick lettuce at the same time.
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mojaveman is offline
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09-05-2011, 18:14
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#6
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Area Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 2,952
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Mgoat,
Don't know where you found these, but they are just great. .
Thanks!!
RF 1
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Red Flag 1 is offline
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09-05-2011, 18:42
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#7
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Moderator
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 3,045
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Damn! I feel left out. I'm not offended.
__________________
"Are you listening or just waiting to talk?"
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
"Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing."
Optimus Prime
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Kyobanim is offline
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09-05-2011, 21:15
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#8
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: N.C. coast
Posts: 340
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Me neither,
Quote:
Originally posted by Kyobanim:
Damn! I feel left out. I'm not offended.
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I was thinking the same thing. Though I did like this one alot:
Quote:
How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
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Tress
__________________
"Political correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous, mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end." - Unknown author, but borrowed from a friend
"Liberals claim to be open to hearing other peoples' views, but then are shocked and offended to discover that there are other views." - William F. Buckley, Jr.
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Tress is offline
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