Pick the Best Briefback, Round II

[Roguish Lawyer]

Pick your favorite. The candidates, in order of posting, are:

1. Dusty, Nothing But A Scratch

Originally Posted by Dusty

In Panama, this guy got hit in between the front and back of his Second Chance vest. He started hollering for the Medic, who started adminsistering aid.

He was talking soothingly to the injured Team member, who was pretty agitated, to calm him down. The guy evidently thought he was about to die from the wound, and kept saying something like, "howbadisitmancomeonmanamIgonnadieman!?"

The Doc finally finished his assessment, snorted, and said something like "it's nothing a scratch, dude."

He grabbed the Medic's hand, looked up into his eyes and said, "Well, will you get me a Coke, then?"

2. Richard, Shirtless in Key West

Originally Posted by Richard

When going through SFUWO, we used to take turns driving the stake-bed truck carrying everyone back and forth from the billets on Fleming Key to the mess hall over at Truman Annex at Key West. One Sunday it was my turn. I was wearing white tennis shorts and a white polo shirt, and another student spilled his orange drink which splashed all over me at breakfast.

On the way back to the billets, several guys were getting off to do laundry so I gave them my shirt, shorts, socks, and underwear to wash before the stains set in – all I was wearing were my tennis shoes.

I got stopped at the entrance back to the billets area by the Marine gate guard who told me I couldn’t drive the truck because I wasn’t wearing a shirt. He couldn’t see inside the cab of the truck – one of those IH 4x4 5-ton stake-beds – but made me show my ID and MilDL, and wrote my name on his clipboard before letting me through the gate with a stern warning to be sure and have a shirt on in the future. I told him I would be sure to do that.

The guys in the back of the truck were laughing their @$$es off and the next day we got warned by the SFUWO cadre to be sure and wear a shirt IAW Navy regulations when driving the truck around Key West.

Those were before the DADT days - don't know what would've happened today.

3. Tress, NBC Training

Originally Posted by Tress

It was one of those things that happened every once in a while that we just could not get out of, kind of like having to pick up pine cones around post. The team was on post, we did not have anything of particular import on the training schedule for that day so someone gave us something to do. NBC training! And this NBC training included going through the “gas chamber” to check the seals on our masks, something that no one really looks forward to doing. The designated team NBC NCO, Pizo, refreshed our memories all day long on all things NBC under the hot Carolina sun. At the end of the day we had only one more task to complete and that was to actually go into the gas chamber. We put on our NBC gear and lined up. For some reason (IIRC it was because the actual chamber was really small) we went into the chamber in groups of only three, with Pizo staying in there the entire time. The rest of the team went through and there were just three of us left. Myself, the TM SGT and Joshua Mordecai Freeman (RIP).

Josh, who I just learned recently had died a few years ago in a civilian helicopter crash, was of the Jewish faith, but, at the time, not a practicing Jew by any stretch of the imagination. He was also the team jokester and funny guy. He had a sense of humor that bordered on the deranged at times. The TM SGT was almost always was referred to as “HE.” Those were actually the initials of his first and middle names, but legend had it that his temper was sometimes “highly explosive” and that was why he was referred to as “HE.” To be honest though, I cannot remember ever having seen an example of his temperament being highly explosive. To me he always seemed very even-keeled. And then there was me, 6’-1”, blonde-haired and blue-eyed from a slightly Germanic ancestry.

The group before us exits the chamber and “HE” looks at Josh and I sitting on the bleachers and says, “Come on guys, let’s get this over with.” I started to get up and Josh just screams out, “NO!!!” very seriously and forcefully. I was a little startled and sat back down because I knew, with Josh’s reputation, that this was going to be good and I wanted to see how this would be played out. “HE” looked at him with a grin on his face, he also suspected that this was going to be good, and said in his best father-to-son, calm voice, “O.K. Mordecai, what’s the problem?” (“HE” almost always called Josh by his middle name). Josh replied, “I am not going in there! I will not do it and there is nothing that you can do to make me go in there!” “HE” again asked him what the problem was and Josh went into about a two minute diatribe about how “his people (Jews) have been subjected to this type of atrocity (gas chambers) for far too long and that he was not going to be led into a gas chamber as if he was a sheep like his ancestors were and that he would fight against it with every fiber of his being.” I sat there trying to keep a straight face and wondered if I would now get a chance to see the famous, “highly explosive” temper. I mean, it was not going to be directed at me so what did I have to lose.

“HE” just grinned a little, stepped toward Josh and as he did so said through gnashed teeth, “Mordecai, get your ass in that damned chamber before I kick your ass into it.” Josh, with a complete change of heart, simply said, “OK”, as if he was saying “OK” to going out to get some ice cream, and got up to go into the chamber. I was slightly disappointed that Josh gave up so quickly.
I was still sitting on the bleachers grinning as “HE” looked at me and said, “Come on, Thomas, let’s go.” But, I just simply could not let it all end at this point. I just sat there and as seriously and forcefully as I dared, yelled, “NO!!!” Both “HE” and Josh stopped dead in their tracks and turned towards me, “HE” with a perplexed look on his face and Josh with a shit-eating grin on his. Josh came back to the bleachers, sat next to me, put his arm around my shoulders and grinned back at “HE” along with his newly found supporter at his side. “HE” was now just shaking his head as he walked back to us. “What’s your fucking problem?” “HE” asked, but not in that same father-to-son, mentoring voice. “I am not going into that chamber! I will not do it!” I replied. Josh hugged my shoulders more tightly and told “HE” that he and I were united in this effort to not be gassed.

But “HE” was certainly not stupid and had a bit of a sense of humor also. He also knew of my Germanic ancestry. “I can almost understand Mordecai not wanting to do this, but you surprise me, Thomas. What could your objection possibly be?” “HE” replied. “Hell, your ancestors were the ones that gassed his ancestors. You should feel at home in the damned thing with a Jew beside you!” Josh at this point loosened his grip on my shoulders and moved ever so slightly away from me. I replied, “That is my point exactly. Look at what my ancestors have done to Josh’s ancestors. I do not want to perpetuate this ghastly treatment of other human beings that my ancestors started. It ends here and now.” Josh moved back in close to me and his grip around my shoulders was tighter than before.

At this point Pizo poked his head out of the gas chamber, knowing we still had yet to go through the chamber and was probably wondering where we were. He called out to us and “HE” told him that we would be there in a moment.

Now, to this day, I am not sure if “HE” had reached his breaking point (doubtful) or it had been too long and boring of a day in the hot sun (it certainly was both) or if he just wanted to get the hell out of there and get a beer (which is my guess), but he told the two of us to “get into that damned chamber before I kick both your asses” as he lunged at the two of us on the bleachers. Josh and I both exited the bleachers as if shot out of a canon and walked to the gas chamber with our arms around each other’s shoulders and “HE” grumbling about ten yards behind us. As the three of us were putting on our gas masks Josh was humming “Hava Nagila” while I was humming “Deutschlandlied” (which most will recognize by the incorrect title of “Deutschland Uber Alles”). “HE” looked at us both and shook his head. Josh told him that we were both trying to “get into the proper historical frame of mind” for the gas chamber. “HE” continued shaking his head and laughed as we walked into the chamber, probably wondering what it was that he did to deserve us.

Josh, you passed way too soon, but I will always remember you. Rest in Peace. נוח בשלום

[Roguish Lawyer]

4. uplink5, A Very Serious Debrief

Originally Posted by uplink5

During Desert Storm, after about 12 days in isolation (no kidding) followed by 48 hrs in the hole, the 4 man team had been compromised and subsequently ex-filled from the SR mission and returned to KKMC for debriefing. The atmosphere was tense; everybody was tired and smelly and anxious to get out of there when a serious looking LTC walks in. He gives us a quick breakdown on how the debriefing would commence and asks, "OK, who wants to start"?

We're all kinda sitting there waiting for someone to start; you could hear a pin drop. Suddenly, our medic stands up and very seriously looks around at all of us, then looks at the LTC, and says....

"A mushroom walks into the bar. Bartender sees him and says, "Hey You, we don't allow your type in here!!! Mushroom says, "Why not, I'm a fungi".........

It got real quiet for a very long minute.......until finally, the LTC started to bust a gut.

Best medic (and man) I ever worked with.....

5. mark46th, Too Many Singhas

Originally Posted by mark46th

Richard, I don't know if you were there at the time or not but I was banned for life from the Lopburi NCO Club by SGM Paul D. I don't remember everything ( A couple of Singha's too many) but according to Levings, there was a USO show and one of the acts was a bad plate spinner. I decided it was enough so I got up on stage and lit off a mouthful of lighter fluid. The only problem was the SGM's table and girl friend were directly in the path of the flames and kinda caught fire...

And then there was the Dusit Zoo-Orangutan incident.

6. Warchief, L-Shaped Podium

Originally Posted by Warchief

While I was at Ft Devens with 10th SFG in the early 80's the teams had some unique and custom built team rooms. Many of the team rooms featured a small bar area where the team would gather at the end of the day or week to decompress and foster a stronger team spirit. Eventually, the word came down from Group HQ to remove all alcohol and bars from the team rooms as drinking in government buildings was no longer considered acceptable. Shortly afterwards, our team (ODA 233) isolated in our team room for a Battalion level mission planning exercise. Teams were to briefback to the Battalion Commander and staff in the team room at the end of the ISO period. When the Battalion Commander came into our team room, the first thing he noticed and immediately commented about was that we had not removed our team room’s wooden bar. He was a little irate to say the least and demanded that Team Sergeant explain to him why he had failed to follow the Commander’s directive. The Team calmly and patiently explained to him that we had removed all adult beverages and our bar from the team room per the Commander’s order. The Commander said, “Well, then what the hell is that?” Team Sergeant said, “Oh, that’s just an L shaped podium of course.”

I had to go with NBC training, (followed by fungi, 2nd. Podium, Key West, Singha and Scratched equally take third).

Thanks fellas for the memories.

WD

edited: Ironically, "fungi" and "podium" are the only ones that fit the briefback criteria.

[Roguish Lawyer]

Apologies to anyone who feels their story should have been included. You can recycle in the next class.

[Sdiver]

Had to go with Uplink's "Debrief" in the 1st spot and Tress' "NBC Training" in the 2nd.

Kudos to Uplink's medic for what he did. To be wound up like they were for as long as they were, and to STILL have that sense of humor (albeit a bit "smart-assed" ) gets me top spot.

Also .... that could be something I could see myself doing.

[mark46th]

Hey! I looked like a frickin' flame thrower!!!

[Gypsy]

I enjoyed them all, it was a tough choice between Richard's and Tress's briefbacks.

[Requiem]

I love a good story and all these were great. I especially liked Richard's yarn.

Just one question for Richard...

Originally posted by Richard ...all I was wearing were my tennis shoes. I got stopped at the entrance ... made me show my ID and MilDL...

Sir, where does a nekked guy keep his ID?

Susan

[Dusty]

Originally Posted by Gypsy

I enjoyed them all, it was a tough choice between Richard's and Tress's briefbacks.

That's because you have never understood true humor, and you know it. You told me so, in those very words.

I'm sure RL will allow you and others to re-vote once you've re-evaluated the subtleties and nuanced intricacy of my masterpiece...

[Gypsy]

Originally Posted by Dusty

That's because you have never understood true humor, and you know it. You told me so, in those very words.

I'm sure RL will allow you and others to re-vote once you've re-evaluated the subtleties and nuanced intricacy of my masterpiece...

<--- Thumps forehead.

You know yours was VERY funny but you can't beat a story about a nekkid guy or NBC/gas chamber training.

'sides...I think you have a lot more (better?) stories. Statute of limitations not run out yet?

[Richard]

Originally Posted by Requiem

Sir, where does a nekked guy keep his ID?

While driving - in his wallet lying on the seat next to him.

I think it was the only time in my career that nobody wanted to ride up front in the cab with me.

Richard

[Dusty]

Originally Posted by Richard

While driving - in his wallet lying on the seat next to him.

I think it was the only time in my career that nobody wanted to ride up front in the cab with me.

Richard

Must you gloat, Bro?

[Roguish Lawyer]

Poll closes 9-1, get those votes in. Will someone have mercy on Mark46th?

[greenberetTFS]

That is really strange,who did Mark46th vote for?........

Big Teddy

[Tress]

Originally quoted by greenberetTFS:

That is really strange,who did Mark46th vote for?........

Teddy,

Are you sure that he voted at all?

Originally quoted by Roguish Lawyer:

Will someone have mercy on Mark46th?

Ok, but I do not consider it a mercy vote. Any drunken SF soldier (and I am sure that alcohol was involved) that has the cajones to f**k around with an orangutan has my vote and I do not even need to hear the story. Enough said!

Tress