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Married too long
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I'm glad to see you've regained consciousness. You probably won't remember, but you were in a huge
pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't
find it".
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new
penis.
They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch". The man perks up.
"So", the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want.
I understand that you've been married for over forty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher
before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision".
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day and asks, "So, have you spoken with your wife"?
"Yes I have", says the man.
"And has she helped you make a decision"?
"Yes" says the man.
"What is your decision"? asks the doctor.
"We're getting granite countertops".
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Oldrotorhead 
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