In the year 2011, the Lord came unto Noah,
who was now living in England and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over
populated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing
along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his yard - but no Ark. "Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed since I last built an Ark"
"I needed a Building Permit."
"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector
about the need for a sprinkler system."
"My neighbours claim that I've violated the
neighbourhood By-Laws by building the Ark in my
back garden and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Planning Committee for a decision."
"Then the Local Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them the sea would soon be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it!"
"Then, getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees, in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls, but to no avail"
"When I started gathering the animals the RSPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive and that
it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in
such a confined space."
"Then the Environmental Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the
Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm
supposed to hire for my building crew."
"Immigration are checking the
Visa status of most of the people who want to work."
"The Trade Unions say I can't use my sons. They
insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark building experience."
"To make matters worse, the Inland Revenue seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally and with endangered species."
"So forgive me Lord, but it would take at least 10
years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine
and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. The Government has obviously beat me to it!!!"
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