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The New Motorcycle
Joe, an 18D in the 10th Group, wanted to buy a motorcycle. He doesn’t have much luck until one day he comes across a Harley with a “For Sale” sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one and, although it is 10 years old, is shiny and in absolutely mint condition.
He immediately buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
“Well, it’s quite simple, really,” says the seller. “Whenever the bike is outside and it’s gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain."
"Here...” he says as he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, “I have to tell you something about my family before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don’t talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.”
“No problem,” he says and in they go.
As soon as they enter the house, Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation and leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word, so he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and they enjoy a rousing round of passionate lovemaking right there in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down...but still no one says a word.
Joe looks at Sandra's mom and thinks, “She’s still got a great body.” So he grabs the mom, bends her over, and has his way with her right there on the dinner table.
Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling...but still, total silence from all of them.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain. Joe remembers his new bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket and starts to get up from the table.
Suddenly the father shouts, “OK! I’ll do the f*****g dishes!”
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“Sometimes the Bible in the hand of one man is worse than a whisky bottle in the hand of (another)… There are just some kind of men who – who’re so busy worrying about the next world they’ve never learned to live in this one, and you can look down the street and see the results.” - To Kill A Mockingbird (Atticus Finch)
“Almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so.” - Robert Heinlein
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