Because I'm a man

[Kyobanim]

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I WILL win.
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Because I'm a man , when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
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Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me tenderly while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu.' For all I know, these are the same thing.
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Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
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Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.
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Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
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Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
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Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't ...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
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Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
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Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2010, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest...... Like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.

~This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.




Life's journey is not to
Arrive at the grave safely
In a well preserved body,
But rather to skid in sideways,
Totally used up and worn out, shouting
'... MAN, WHAT A RIDE !'

[Saoirse]

Good one(s), Kyo!

But don't you lose man points for diming out your own gender to us womenfolk?

[GratefulCitizen]

Originally Posted by Kyobanim

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I WILL win.

BTDT, sort of.

Got a finger-tip grip on the top of the window frame, and bent the door open.
Made it much easier to unlock with the coat hanger.

Once opened, levered the inside of the door against my leg and bent the frame back into position (after a few tries for fit).

IF IT DOESN'T WORK, GET A BIGGER HAMMER!

[Gypsy]

Originally Posted by Kyobanim

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.
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Well damn, I hold the remote all the time...especially when I want to watch two programs at once.

Alas, I don't have a DVR or Tivo.

[Sdiver]

Originally Posted by Saoirse

Good one(s), Kyo!

But don't you lose man points for diming out your own gender to us womenfolk?

Nope. He actually GAINS man points for posting a list that we men have been trying to tell you women folks about, since time began.

Now, he would LOSS man points if he posted a list "Because I am a Woman". But he knows all too well, that a list like that could NEVER be posted here. PS.com doesn't have the bandwidth to handle such a list.

[Saoirse]

SDiver, LOL. Ah ok, I see. It's just that I was told he could lose man points. I'm just sayn'......then I have to wonder, does he lose man points with men or gain brownie points with us womenfolk for the PSA? Personally, at this point in my life, all that he posted is just redundancy and as Gypsy pointed out, the "holding of the remote" is not just a man-trait.

[Gypsy]

Originally Posted by Sdiver

But he knows all too well, that a list like that could NEVER be posted here. PS.com doesn't have the bandwidth to handle such a list.

You've been here long enough to know that the Team Sergeant doesn't like it when the subject of bandwidth comes up. Tsk tsk.

[Todd 1]

Enjoy.

[echoes]

Originally Posted by Kyobanim

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me tenderly while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.

Damn! Am such a sucker for this one...Yep! Playing nurse is something I have always felt the need to do, when it comes to my "man!"

Sheesh! Never knew ya'll had it planned.... hahaha

Holly

[219seminole]

Todd 1's pics are exactly the things Red Green would produce.

Remember the man's prayer: I am a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess.

[Todd 1]

I got it....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7xTmTk2Bn4

[Masochist]

Originally Posted by GratefulCitizen

BTDT, sort of.

Got a finger-tip grip on the top of the window frame, and bent the door open.
Made it much easier to unlock with the coat hanger.

Once opened, levered the inside of the door against my leg and bent the frame back into position (after a few tries for fit).

IF IT DOESN'T WORK, GET A BIGGER HAMMER!

Sounds similar to what I did. Now I'm contending with a "Door Ajar" light that is constantly on, even when the door is locked. Apparently I did too good of a job getting in.

Wonder where my hammer is for THAT fix ...

Originally Posted by Saoirse

But don't you lose man points for diming out your own gender to us womenfolk?

When we have the proper tools, we're just fine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezVib_giTFo

[Oldrotorhead]

I know one thing that doesn't work. Years ago I got stuck in Paris an extra day due to a broken aircraft. I will pass on a lesson learned the hard way. Do not, I repeat do not have an Air France flight attendent call your wife and tell her you will be a day late getting home due to aircraft problems. She WILL NOT think it is as funny as your friend thought it was.

Originally Posted by Oldrotorhead

I know one thing that doesn't work. Years ago I got stuck in Paris an extra day due to a broken aircraft. I will pass on a lesson learned the hard way. Do not, I repeat do not have an Air France flight attendent call your wife and tell her you will be a day late getting home due to aircraft problems. She WILL NOT think it is as funny as your friend thought it was.

That's too funny. A buddy of mine was an exercise manager for role-players at Ft. Lewis, WA. All participants were to call him when they arrived SEATAC. Unfortunately orders were cut, listing his home number. His poor wife had to field some 120 calls.

Very innocently she passed the messages along with the adage, "Honey, I hope you were not that stupid to give our home phone number to all those beautiful middle eastern women".

"No dear", was his reply, "it's been only you".

She said, "Good, because, had it been on purpose, you really suck as a Special Forces soldier".