09-15-2010, 11:18
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#1
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BANNED USER
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 3,751
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Canadian Illegal Immigration
Illegal Immigration Report from Manitoba – Canadian Illegal Immigration
The Manitoba Herald as reported by Clive Runnels, August 31, 2010
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the llegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt,
pray, and to agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota.
“The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields.
"Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn't give any milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s.
"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"
In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A source close to President Obama said, "We're going to have some Paul McCartney and Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might even put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out," he said.
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Dozer523 is offline
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09-15-2010, 13:26
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#2
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Guerrilla
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Just west of the beltway.
Posts: 151
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I know a now retired liberal professor, born in Louisiana, who taught at a New York university. Back when you could do so, he went across the border to Toronto and claimed landed immigrant status and received whatever sort of card the Canadians handed out. This was his get-out-of-town card when the nasty conservatives would take over the USA. I think Canada was probably too cold for him and he's now retired to the south of France where there is better wine.
Satire always embraces a truth.
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219seminole is offline
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09-15-2010, 13:38
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#3
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Guerrilla
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Mississippi Delta
Posts: 113
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This makes me think of some friends of mine. My Dad always says, "A Conservative is a liberal who's just been mugged." I always thought it was just a funny saying... That is until my friend's politician father's wife (both hardcore lefties who used to talk about immigrating to Canada actually, when he lost his race) was taken hostage in her house and cut up with a knife. Now all I hear from the both of them is arguing for Gun Rights, talking about Glen Back and Rush. They joined the NRA and bought several nice guns, even asked myself and their son-in-law for advice on what to buy. They are now serious conservatives. I can actually have conversations with them now 
__________________
“Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”
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Nightfall is offline
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09-15-2010, 13:55
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#4
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: 18 yrs upstate NY, 30 yrs South Florida, 20 yrs Conch Republic, now chasing G-Kids in NOVA & UK
Posts: 11,901
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I like it,, Thanks..
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Go raibh tú leathuair ar Neamh sula mbeadh a fhios ag an diabhal go bhfuil tú marbh
"May you be a half hour in heaven before the devil knows you’re dead"
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JJ_BPK is offline
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09-15-2010, 13:56
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#5
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Guerrilla Chief
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 830
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I bote that we install one way gates along the northern border. Canada can become the new Hotel California.
Now France wouldn't be too bad. good wine, better weather and nicer views on the beachs. 
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Oldrotorhead 
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Oldrotorhead is offline
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09-15-2010, 14:20
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#6
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Area Commander
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: USA-Germany
Posts: 1,574
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Good Stuff
What has Canada ever done to us?
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"Men Wanted: for Hazardous Journey. Small wages, bitter cold, long months of complete darkness, constant danger, safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in case of success.” -Sir Ernest Shackleton
“A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in.” –Greek proverb
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akv is offline
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09-15-2010, 21:36
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#7
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Guerrilla
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 186
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Don't they assemble our Fords for us and then ship'em back across the border?
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"Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." Lou Holtz
SFA M-12786
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cetheridge is offline
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09-15-2010, 22:07
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#8
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Castle Rock, CO
Posts: 2,531
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dozer523
"We're going to have some Paul McCartney and Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. "
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The PP&M concerts are gonna be a bit rough since Mary is now plucking a harp near the Pearly Gates... 
__________________
""A man must know his destiny. if he does not recognize it, then he is lost. By this I mean, once, twice, or at the very most, three times, fate will reach out and tap a man on the shoulder. if he has the imagination, he will turn around and fate will point out to him what fork in the road he should take, if he has the guts, he will take it.""- GEN George S. Patton
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lksteve is offline
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09-16-2010, 06:50
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#9
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Ft. Bragg
Posts: 2,941
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lksteve
The PP&M concerts are gonna be a bit rough since Mary is now plucking a harp near the Pearly Gates... |
The sad thing is only us old guys...even know who they are.
Speaking of Pauls...Did you know that Paul McCartney was in a band BEFORE Wings?
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"Somebody should put that quote on a T-shirt:
Muslim phrase: "Aloha Snackbar!"
English translation: "Draw, Mother-F*cker!""
-TOMAHAWK9521
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1stindoor is offline
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09-16-2010, 11:49
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#10
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Auxiliary
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: NorCal
Posts: 80
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I would personally like to volunteer my services as a “coyote” to help get as many of those poor liberals across the border as possible! 
__________________
"A "pacifist male" is a contradiction in terms. Most self-described "pacifists" are not pacific; they simply assume false colors. When the wind changes, they hoist the Jolly Roger. "
- Robert Heinlein
“To do what ought to be done but what would not have been done unless I did it, I thought to be my duty.”
- Robert Morrision
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JustinW20 is offline
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09-16-2010, 11:55
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#11
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 20,929
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustinW20
I would personally like to volunteer my services as a “coyote” to help get as many of those poor liberals across the border as possible! |
"Coyote" I think you mean "sheepherder".
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"The Spartans do not ask how many are the enemy, but where they are."
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Team Sergeant is offline
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09-17-2010, 16:08
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#12
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Guerrilla
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Poulsbo, WA
Posts: 144
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1stindoor
The sad thing is only us old guys...even know who they are.
Speaking of Pauls...Did you know that Paul McCartney was in a band BEFORE Wings?
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Who's Paul McCartney?
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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." Benjamin Franklin
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drymartini66 is offline
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09-17-2010, 16:24
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#13
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BANNED USER
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 3,751
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustinW20
I would personally like to volunteer my services as a “coyote” to help get as many of those poor liberalsacross the border as possible!
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You're a horny older woman with low/no standards?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Team Sergeant
"Coyote" I think you mean "sheepherder".
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hard to tell . . .
Last edited by Dozer523; 09-17-2010 at 16:27.
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Dozer523 is offline
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09-17-2010, 19:34
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#14
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Area Commander
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northeast Utah
Posts: 1,712
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dozer523
You're a horny older woman with low/no standards?
hard to tell . . .
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I think you are confusing "coyote" with "cougar".
Coyote ugly is a different story...
__________________
"The dignity of man is not shattered in a single blow, but slowly softened, bent, and eventually neutered. Men are seldom forced to act, but are constantly restrained from acting. Such power does not destroy outright, but prevents genuine existence. It does not tyrannize immediately, but it dampens, weakens, and ultimately suffocates, until the entire population is reduced to nothing better than a flock of timid, uninspired animals, of which the government is shepherd." - Alexis de Tocqueville
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PedOncoDoc is offline
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09-18-2010, 19:53
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#15
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BANNED USER
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 3,751
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PedOncoDoc
I think you are confusing "coyote" with "cougar".
Coyote ugly is a different story... |
Probably, I just don't surf enough porn.
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Dozer523 is offline
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