Colonel Kicked Out of Afghanistan for Anti-PowerPoint Rant

[Richard]

Consider it a new version of death by PowerPoint. The NATO command in Afghanistan has fired a staff officer who publicly criticized its interminable briefings, its over-reliance on Microsoft’s slide-show program, and what he considered its crushing bureaucracy.

Army Col. Lawrence Sellin, a 61-year old reservist from New Jersey who served in Afghanistan and Iraq prior to this deployment, got the sack Thursday from his job as a staff officer at the International Security Assistance Force Joint Command in Kabul. The hammer fell barely 48 hours after United Press International ran a passionate op-ed he wrote to lament that “little of substance is really done here.” He tells Danger Room, “I feel quite rather alone here at the moment.”

The colonel’s rant called into question whether ISAF’s revamped command structure, charged with coordinating the day-by-day war effort, was much more than a briefing factory. Or, as Sellin put it, “endless tinkering with PowerPoint slides to conform with the idiosyncrasies of cognitively challenged generals in order to spoon-feed them information.”

According to Sellin, when his commanding general (whom he doesn’t want to name) saw that Sellin described IJC as a blinkered bureaucracy, he informed the colonel that it was time to pack his things. “He was very polite and shook my hand and wished me luck,” Sellin says.

And so it goes...

Richard

Outside View: PowerPoints 'R' Us
COL Lawrence Sellin, 24 Aug 2010

KABUL, Afghanistan, Aug. 24 (UPI) -- Throughout my career I have been known to walk that fine line between good taste and unemployment. I see no reason to change that now.

Consider the following therapeutic.

I have been assigned as a staff officer to a headquarters in Afghanistan for about two months. During that time, I have not done anything productive. Fortunately little of substance is really done here, but that is a task we do well.

We are part of the operational arm of the International Security Assistance Force commanded by U.S. Army Gen. David Petraeus. It is composed of military representatives from all the NATO countries, several of which I cannot pronounce.

Officially, IJC was founded in late 2009 to coordinate operations among all the regional commands in Afghanistan. More likely it was founded to provide some general a three-star command. Starting with a small group of dedicated and intelligent officers, IJC has successfully grown into a stove-piped and bloated organization, top-heavy in rank. Around here you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a colonel.

For headquarters staff, war consists largely of the endless tinkering with PowerPoint slides to conform with the idiosyncrasies of cognitively challenged generals in order to spoon-feed them information. Even one tiny flaw in a slide can halt a general's thought processes as abruptly as a computer system's blue screen of death.

The ability to brief well is, therefore, a critical skill. It is important to note that skill in briefing resides in how you say it. It doesn't matter so much what you say or even if you are speaking Klingon.

Random motion, ad hoc processes and an in-depth knowledge of Army minutia and acronyms are also key characteristics of a successful staff officer. Harried movement together with furrowed brows and appropriate expressions of concern a la Clint Eastwood will please the generals. Progress in the war is optional.

Each day is guided by the "battle rhythm," which is a series of PowerPoint briefings and meetings with PowerPoint presentations. It doesn't matter how inane or useless the briefing or meeting might be. Once it is part of the battle rhythm, it has the persistence of carbon 14.

And you can't skip these events because they take roll -- just like gym class.

The start and culmination of each day is the commander's update assessment. Please ignore the fact that "update assessment" is redundant. Simply saying commander's update doesn't provide the possibility of creating a three-letter acronym. It also doesn't matter that the commander never attends the CUA.

The CUA consists of a series of PowerPoint slides describing the events of the previous 12 hours. Briefers explain each slide by reading from a written statement in a tone not unlike that of a congressman caught in a tryst with an escort. The CUA slides only change when a new commander arrives or the war ends.

The commander's immediate subordinates, usually one- and two-star generals, listen to the CUA in a semi-comatose state. Each briefer has approximately 1 or 2 minutes to impart either information or misinformation. Usually they don't do either. Fortunately, none of the information provided makes an indelible impact on any of the generals.

One important task of the IJC is to share information to the ISAF commander, his staff and to all the regional commands. This information is delivered as PowerPoint slides in e-mail at the flow rate of a fire hose. Standard operating procedure is to send everything that you have. Volume is considered the equivalent of quality.

Next month IJC will attempt a giant leap for mankind. In a first-of-its-kind effort, IJC will embed a new stovepipe into an already existing stovepipe. The rationale for this bold move resides in the fact that an officer, who is currently without one, needs a staff of 35 people to create a big splash before his promotion board.

Like most military organizations, structure always trumps function.

The ultimate consequences of this reorganization won't be determined until after that officer rotates out of theater.

Nevertheless, the results will be presented by PowerPoint.

--

(Lawrence Sellin, Ph.D., is a colonel in the U.S. Army Reserve and a veteran of the conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq. He is currently serving his second deployment to Afghanistan. The views expressed are his own and do not necessarily reflect those of the U.S. Army or U.S. government.)

http://www.wired.com/dangerroom/2010...f-afghanistan/

[Ret10Echo]

He captures the pure essence of bureaucracies at all levels..both in and out of the DOD. Not only are those wonderful artforms created internally, but vast amounts of taxpayers dollars are spent in having contractors, specially trained in the art, create massive briefings of intricate slides that say little to nothing.

Huzzah...!

[Justinmd]

Having spent some very dark days in the CJSOTF, he is spot on. However, he doesn't mention that the impression that Commanders come away with of the situation on the ground is often vastly skewed, it seems at times up to 180 degrees from truth.

[Richard]

Bet they're already cutting orders rescinding his 'Tab'.

Richard

[1stindoor]

Originally Posted by Richard

(Lawrence Sellin, Ph.D., is a colonel in the U.S. Army Reserve and a veteran of the conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq. He is currently seeking employment in the civilian sector

Fixed!

I applaud his honesty.

[Dozer523]

Originally Posted by Richard

Bet they're already cutting orders rescinding his 'Tab'.

Richard

Fall on your sword if you must. Remember, to be a martyr, you have to die.


seems I've got Harry Callahan on my mind, for some reason . . .
"This is PowerPoint 4.4 the most powerful staff tool in the world
In all the excitement I can't remember where I am in the breifing
You have to ask yourself "Do I feel lucky?"
Well, do ya, Punk."

[alright4u]

Originally Posted by 1stindoor

Fixed!

I applaud his honesty.

I agree. Can anyone name a UN command that has won a war after 45?

[Green Light]

Originally Posted by Dozer523

Fall on your sword if you must. Remember, to be a martyr, you have to die.


seems I've got Harry Callahan on my mind, for some reason . . .
"This is PowerPoint 4.4 the most powerful staff tool in the world
In all the excitement I can't remember where I am in the breifing
You have to ask yourself "Do I feel lucky?"
Well, do ya, Punk."

I guess he was really saying something like the emporer has no clothes.

[MtnGoat]

Originally Posted by Ret10Echo

He captures the pure essence of bureaucracies at all levels..both in and out of the DOD.

AMEN to this!!.. great man.. sorry to hear the news!!

After 61, who cares what others think of you. I applaud his courage in honesty as well, wish we had more like him.

I wish him the very best, back to Jersey, back to the grind.

WD

[Dozer523]

Originally Posted by Green Light

I guess he was really saying something like the emporer has no clothes.

He might have been talking about this one. It was GEN McCrystal's favorite.

[Irish_Army01]

Kudos Sir!


Takes a lot of gonads to fall on the sword...hopefully it will change things around for the better and its not in vain...