Science caught up with me

[Utah Bob]

I noticed was out of Chili powder. An inexcusable lack of attention to detail on my part. Fortunately today was go-into-town for-supplies day and I bought a big economy sized container which should last a month or two.
Back home after unloading the sundries and vittles, I went to refill the small container I keep at hand by the stove. But no chili powder would issue forth from the big one due to a hermetically sealed foil barrier under the cap.

I often wonder if companies employ their own hermits to hermetically seal things, or farm it out.
But I digress.

The seal was glued on tightly and had four tabs for easy removal. Of course in the processed food bidness anytime something is designed for "easy removal" it usually takes a Bowie knife, Craftsman tool, or a brick to effect the actual removal.
Having none of the above listed implements handy in the kitchen I yanked fruitlessly on the thing until I painfully twanged my injured right-hand ring finger. (How I injured that is another story).

I could have used a small kitchen knife to puncture and remove the seal but I didn't want to butcher it up and decided that a straight even pull would neatly remove it in one piece.
Sometimes I get on a brief neatness streak. Fortunately it doesn't last long.

Determined now to defeat the spice industry's attempt to frustrate and emasculate me. I developed a plan.
I would have asked my wife to do it but she fell and hurt her shoulder and is still whining about her paralyzed right arm.
I grasped the bull by the horns..or the jar by the sides as it were, and carefully used what God had given me. My front teeth.

Interesting aside: During the Less Than Civil War, a requirement for Army service was two good front teeth. The linen rifle cartridges
had to be torn to expose the powder when loading the .58 caliber instrument of destruction.

Back to the kitchen. So I grasped one of the foil tab firmly between my cartridge openers, took a good grip on the plastic jar and slowly pulled. That's when Science caught up with me.

The red powder of sustenance and joy was packed in Ohio at an approximate elevation of 480 feet. It then made it's way by rail and Big Rig to Cortez, Colorado, elevation 6,200 feet.
I then purchased it at the supermarket and transported it via Ford 35 miles past Cahone Colorado, elevation 6680 north to the homestead, Elevation 7,011 feet.

See where I'm going with this?

After the incident was over I sat down and like all great scientists developed a set of absolutes.
I call it

Bob's Law of Atmospheric Pressure:

1. All atmospheric pressure can be defeated by foil seals on plastic jars.
2. Defeated atmospheric pressure is actually only suppressed atmospheric pressure.
3. Suppressed atmospheric pressure increases the further west you travel (until you get to Death valley).
4. Suppressed atmospheric pressure must never be freed immediately. (Look what happens when you release a panicky cat in a Volkswagen).

Had I formulated this law before tugging on the sealed chili powder jar with my front choppers, I would have avoided what I didn't avoid..

The seal gave way naturally to my macho yanking and came off as I had hoped.. There were, however, unforseen factors.
The suppressed atmospheric pressure from 480 feet elevation was instantly released, aided by my squeezing the sides of the plastic bottle in a chef's death grip.

This freed the pressure immediately. There was a lot of Ohio atmosphere in that jar. Along with a lot of chili powder. They were both freed at once into the thin Colorado air. I think if I still possessed the cat-like reflexes of my youth I might have been able to react quick enough to avoid the cloud of red tinted atmosphere that blew past the open seal into my face around my teeth, down my throat and up my nose into my sinus cavity.
But I don't possess those reflexes anymore.

Flashbacks of pepper Spray training. Not pretty. Not at all.

No Mexican food for dinner tonight I think.
Perhaps tomorrow, when my vision clears.

Note to self: Next time use a Craftsman tool. Or a brick.

[JJ_BPK]

Well done young Jedi pot-scrubber,,
That chili powder may have blurred your vision,,
but fortunately it did not affect your tong...

[Five-O]

Great story. I learned more reading that post than I did in 6 years of high school.

[ZonieDiver]

Very funny! (Well, maybe not for you. )

When is the book of 'funny stories from the ranch' coming out, Utah Bob?

[Penn]

Thats a classic story and one to be savored.

[Utah Bob]

Originally Posted by Penn

Thats a classic story and one to be savored.

Har!

[Ret10Echo]

One for Readers Digest Bob... Great story.

Somewhere in the future a Rocky-Mountain region, High School Physics teacher will thank you for that example, especially when the class executes the experiment

[Richard]

Good one - you should consider making a You-Tube video - might also include a few attempts to open some of the more creative new child proof medication bottles which kids have no problems opening but the elderly who need their meds cannot open without the aid of a good set of vice-grips or the hand strength of a world champion milker.

Richard

[Ret10Echo]

Originally Posted by Richard

Good one - you should consider making a You-Tube video - might also include a few attempts to open some of the more creative new child proof medication bottles which kids have no problems opening but the elderly who need their meds cannot open without the aid of a good set of vice-grips or the hand strength of a world champion milker.

Richard

Not sure if Bob is interested in recreating the event, or that his eyesight can handle another episode

[Richard]

Not sure if Bob is interested in recreating the event, or that his eyesight can handle another episode.

Ahhhh...but the eternal notoriety of a YouTube video gone viral...priceless.

Richard

A search for Scientific Experiments resulted in finding Bob's post, too funny.

[Requiem]

Originally Posted by ZonieDiver

Very funny! (Well, maybe not for you. )

When is the book of 'funny stories from the ranch' coming out, Utah Bob?

Oh great idea! You have a gift, Utah Bob. I've always enjoyed your stories from the ranch. This one, especially so. Thanks for the great laugh and science lesson.

Susan

[x SF med]

Bob.... A series of questions for you... QP's will understand this line of query...

How many pocket knives do you normally carry? (I'm quessing minimum 2)
Why at the time of the incident did a former SF, current cowboy not have access to a pocket knife?
How long have you been working with quality chili powders?
What possessed you to put your face that close to that much capzacin without protective gear... while maintaining a death grip on a hermetically sealed plastic jar, at altitude, without a safety/JM present?
Where was the Team medic?
and finally.... Shouldn't your story have started "No Shit, this really happened..." or "Here, hold my beer and watch this, it's going to be really cool..."

Oh... don't they normally forcibly commit people for snorting chili powder?

[Oldrotorhead]

Originally Posted by Richard

Ahhhh...but the eternal notoriety of a YouTube video gone viral...priceless.

Richard

You couyld call the video The Western Red Neck kitchen tricks. Yahoo~! Watch me do this again.

[Fonzy]

absolutely hilarious. well written.