Report from a Pashtun Teen

[Richard]

Interesting insight -

Sher Bano is a 17-year-old Pashtun girl from Pakistan who spent last year as an exchange student in Evanston, Illinois, as part of the Youth Exchange and Study (YES) Program. She is now back in the city of Peshawar in the northwest of Pakistan, but is unable to attend formal school because of insecurity there. As a guest blogger, she’ll be writing about life in Pakistan from the perspective of a teenage girl who has spent time in the West.

And so it goes...

Richard

Report from a Pashtun Teen
James Kristoff, NYT, 18 Feb 2010

One of my American friends once asked me if I traveled by camel in Pakistan. Needless to say, my answer was no. But Americans should know more about life in Pakistan than just this. Pakistanis as a whole are democratic, progressive and mostly secular in their attitudes; it is because of this that a religious party could almost never win an election here.

Of all Pakistanis, the Pashtuns, allegedly involved in the war on terror, have the poorest image. A traditional Pashtun wears Shalwar Kameez (tunic and pants), a turban, carries a rifle, and often looks angry. But people rarely know about a Pashtun’s inner softness; his love of beauty and art. He often listens to folk tales like “Yousaf Khan and Sher Bano,” from which my name, Sher Bano, was also taken. He hides his softness as it is considered a weakness. As a true Pashtun, he could never kill innocent people because he has been raised to protect them. This is why he carries a rifle. However, unfortunately, some fundamentalists, like the Taliban, have emerged among the Pashtuns. This group is distorting the Pashtun image all over the world.

Pakistanis have reservations and misconceptions about the United States as well. Living in Peshawar, I would sometimes meet people who opposed the United States, because whether the U.S. was responsible for all Al-Qaeda operatives getting hit in Afghanistan or not, villagers would always get caught in the crossfire. And that includes drone attacks.

The bomb blasts have created tension among Pakistanis. Whenever I go out, I make sure to look for a potential bomber. Passing through a security checkpoint more than 10 times a day is pretty common for me. There are long traffic jams and a 15-minute drive takes an hour. This often results in quarrels between guards and drivers. One major problem is that many local people become infuriated at the security personnel who check out their wives and daughters. This is considered an immodest act.

Since there is high security everywhere, picnics and special outings are more difficult to organize. My siblings’ school closes for long periods of time, and parent/teacher meetings are forbidden. All extra-curricular activities are banned at institutions. Because it is so difficult to obtain a proper education here, I have withdrawn from school and am now studying privately through the University of Cambridge International Examination. Still problems persist. Due to security concerns, some of my exams have been canceled.

It is also a pity that the only theater/entertainment hall in Peshawar, Nishtar Hall, has been closed. Most musicians have left the city, and even the country. Others have started singing religious songs, called naats.

So, there is not much entertainment for me. There aren’t many parties and almost no one goes to the movies. My dad doesn’t even take me out for pizza. It is hard living under these circumstances, but moving away and leaving our relatives is not easy either. Despite all these problems, people don’t complain much. I’ve even noticed people dancing more at weddings recently (mostly indoors, with high security). Perhaps it is their way of getting out their frustrations…

Being a girl in Peshawar is difficult. There are many “dos and don’ts”. I always wear a shawl at home, cover my head outside the house and hide my face in the more conservative areas, like the villages. If I do not do that, people give me angry and insulting looks, including my parents. The liberal parents here want their daughters to be bold and competitive, but yet know their limits. The limits defined by my parents, for instance, are that I cannot go out alone, should dress modestly (no jeans), interact with boys only when needed and have no male friends, as it is inappropriate in our society. They made some exceptions while I was in Evanston or else it would have been very hard for me to adjust there.

When it comes to boy-girl relationships, I find the situation amusing. Many teenagers here are involved in secret relationships, as no one is supposed to have one before marriage. The communication gap between children and their parents is increasing. Parents expect their children to make straight-A’s and obey them, regardless of their age. In the U.S. , a child is less answerable to his parents after the age of 18. Most Pakistani kids think their parents don’t understand them. They find it hard to share their daily problems with them because parents mostly shout, and even hit them at times, for their mistakes. This communication gap exists in the U.S. as well, but on a smaller scale. An example: Telling your mom about a “cute guy” at school is no big issue in the U.S. But here, it means inviting trouble.

After spending a year in the U.S. , I feel caught between two different cultures, and I’m trying to find a balance. At times I feel like no one in Pakistan knows the Sher in the U.S. and no one in the U.S. knows the “Sherbano” in Pakistan. I can’t do much about the cultural differences between Pakistan and the U.S. , but I really want the two countries to be on friendly terms with each other. In order for this to happen, the U.S. must change Pakistanis’ negative perceptions by convincing them that the U.S. supports democracy, not dictatorship; and that the U.S. sees the current crisis as political, not religious. To achieve this, the U.S. must develop a more intimate relationship with Pakistan. A good example was the recent visit of the Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton. By meeting Pakistani journalists and visiting the universities here, she got a better, more realistic idea of this country. Also, this helped make some Pakistanis feel a certain solidarity with Americans.

http://kristof.blogs.nytimes.com/201...een/#more-4231

[Longstreet]

Excellent post Richard. I look forward to reading more from Sher Bano. A lot of what she has stated sounded all too familiar. Most of my students come from Pakistan so many of the problems she faces - particularly with members of the opposite sex - I have seen with my own class. Next week I am to start teaching 'sex ed' as is mandated in our provincial curriculum. You should see how the 'fit hit the shan' when the Pakistani parents found out. Ahhh, never a dull moment being a teacher . . .

jaYson

[DevilSide]

This is good reading, will help shed some light on the true people of the Middle East.

[akv]

Richard,

Very Interesting, I hope things work out for this young lady.

[HOLLiS]

Thank you for the link. It was a interesting read. The young lady seems more level headed than a lot of our elected "leaders". I wish her a safe and happy life.