I Wish we had a candidate with this platform!

mac117 · 07-06-2009, 08:18

I didn't put this in the 'Comedy' thread because it should seriously be considered.....why we cannot elect someone to truly get us back on track is beyond me. As for #4, I would come off of retirement (AGAIN) to do 6 months on the border!

Subject: 2012 Candidate for President

Bill Cosby has a great way of distilling things. Looks like he's done it again!

I WISH WE HAD A CANDIDATE WITH THIS PLATFORM!!

I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE.
HERE IS MY PLATFORM:

(1) 'Press 1 for English' is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait at the border until you can.

(2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports. We will use the 'Wal-Mart 's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'

(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.

(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border (six month tour). They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.

(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't getting nuttin out. The president nor any other politician will be able to touch it.

(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade.

(7) Professional Athletes--Steroids. The FIRST time you check positive you're banned for life.

(8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more life sentences. If convicted of murder, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim; gun, knife, strangulation, etc.

(9) One export will be allowed, Wheat. The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.

(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.

(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress.

(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.

Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes.

GOD BLESS AMERICA

Bill Cosby

**Team Sergeant** · 07-06-2009, 08:21

I did move it, IMO bill cosby is an idiot.

mac117 · 07-06-2009, 08:31

of course he is TS, but there is alot of truth in ITEMS 1 - 12.

Sdiver · 07-06-2009, 08:38

IMO...I don't think Coz wrote this.

It looks more like George Carlin's or Dennis Leary's kind of work.

Edit to add....

TS,
I know the source is BS, but even a Squirrel gets lucky and finds a nut now-and-again.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/platform.asp

**Team Sergeant** · 07-06-2009, 08:42

Professional Athletes have nothing to do with national security....

Basketball, baseball football, boxing etc. is a "business", period.

I could care less what any of them inject snort, or shoot into their bodies. Then again I don't idolize any of them like the mindless masses.

#2 almost allowed a German dictator to take over the world.

My point is that bill cosby is a "comedian", only to be taken seriously if you live in the moron state of Minnesota.

Team Sergeant

steel71 · 07-06-2009, 12:25

HERE IS MY PLATFORM: Revised

(1) English is the official language.

(2) We will encourage real free trade. We will not use tax payer money as incentives to corporations to move jobs overseas.

(3) The tax rate on imports will reflect the taxes charged on our exports-- real free trade...

(4) All retired military personnel will do as they wish within the law of the land, like any other citizen.

(5) Social security will be coming to an end. The young need not pay into the socialist Ponzi scheme. Those dependent will be weened off slowly until the addiction or funds are gone.

(6) Welfare as we know it will come to an end. See platform #5.

(7) Professional Athletes, may do as they wish-- within the law.

(8) Crime - only violent crimes will be punished with prison sentences. People who commit non-violent crimes will be placed on house arrest with GPS tracking technology. They can stay with their families, keep a job, and not mix with violent criminal to be raped and tortured. Hence, when they get out, they commit more serious crimes. The cycle never stops... until now.. PS. child molesters will be put to death in public viewing (adult viewing only).

(9) The drug war comes to end. Drugs are no longer criminalized, but will be treated like alcohol----tax and regulated. The criminals can no longer make insane amounts of money and hold their communities hostage. No more drug cartels.

(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.

(11) Congress will obey the Constitution. They will take the power away from the Federal Reserve Bank. Congress will coin and print the dollar and control the valve of it-- not a banking cartel. The main pillar of the communist manifesto will cease to exist on these shores. Let the Europeans bathe in their slavery..

(12) About 60 % of the government will be abolished including the IRS. A national sales tax of 10% will be all that's needed to fund the government. If there's not enough money, then government will be cut back until it meets the budget-- not by increasing taxes.

(13) If an elected official introduces legislation that contradicts the Constitution, they will be impeached immediately. Challenging the Constitution through legislation is not considered free speech, but an act of political subversion. Elected officials will be held to a higher standard.

Utah Bob · 07-06-2009, 16:22

Cosby didn't write it. He stated so on his website in 2008. Nobody seems to know who the author is. It has also been attributed to Carlin and Andy Rooney.

nmap · 07-06-2009, 19:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by steel71

(8) Crime - only violent crimes will be punished with prison sentences. People who commit non-violent crimes will be placed on house arrest with GPS tracking technology.

So, Bernie Madoff could create a Ponzi scheme, steal billions, and continue living in a $7 million dollar penthouse?

My good sir, have I got a deal for you....

Richard · 07-06-2009, 20:05

Kinda like reading the ol' John Birch Society's manifesto - or is my age showing again - different day, same ol' bag of pistachios.

Richard's $.02

Richard · 07-07-2009, 19:49

Sounds to me as if everyone's read the same book as a part of their civics professional development progams.

Over the weekend, I watched Mr Smith Goes To Washington, Dave, The American President, and the first season of West Wing - sure makes this manifesto look lame in comparison.

Richard's $.02

sg1987 · 07-07-2009, 19:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by Richard

Kinda like reading the ol' John Birch Society's manifesto -

We have some JBS folks still around these parts....they are a fiery sort....

Sigaba · 07-07-2009, 20:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by Utah Bob

Nobody seems to know who the author is.

One does not wonder why.

The proposed planks are to political satire what Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan are to sobriety and to discretion.

steel71 · 07-07-2009, 21:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by nmap

So, Bernie Madoff could create a Ponzi scheme, steal billions, and continue living in a $7 million dollar penthouse?

My good sir, have I got a deal for you....

Sometimes you have to blame the victims too. If it sounds to good to be true, it usually is. If anybody really believes Madoff was the only person involved in this, I got a bridge to sell you. Keep this in mind under my platform, Bernie would be dealing with these people on the streets everyday, not hiding at a country club prison.

steel71 · 07-07-2009, 21:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by Richard

Kinda like reading the ol' John Birch Society's manifesto - or is my age showing again - different day, same ol' bag of pistachios.

Richard's $.02

You have to admit, the JBS has been right on many fronts. I'll take some of those pistachios, thanx...

Richard · 07-08-2009, 06:17

Quote:

You have to admit, the JBS has been right on many fronts. I'll take some of those pistachios, thanx...

You must be referring to their core view that both the US and Russian governments are controlled by the same furtive conspiratorial cabal of internationalists, greedy bankers, and corrupt politicians which, if left unexposed, would allow the traitors inside the US government to betray our sovereignty to the United Nations for a collectivist new world order managed by a "one-world socialist government"...or their linking of Dwight D. Eisenhower, John Foster Dulles, and Allen Dulles as conscious, dedicated agents of the Communist Conspiracy...or their call to infiltrate and take over the PTA to protect our children's morals and save our schools...or their current view that the collapse of communism in Russia and Eastern Europe was false and "planned" by the Russian/Eastern European governments which it sees controlled by "the insiders."

The JBS is just another bag of conspiracy seasoned mixed nuts wrapped in the always convenient banner of jingoistic patriotism and "We the people..." US Constitution-lite. Thanks...but no thanks.

Richard's $.02