Men's Age as Determined by a Trip to Walmart.
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house
mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room,
or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You
have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with
the hole in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what,
and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you
realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to
help complete the job.
Depending on your age you might do the following:
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your
hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check
yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite
cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick
while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with
the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change
shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash
your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the
mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to
cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid
sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to
cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on
different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute
Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a
trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more
sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the
register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she
is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your
hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get
dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you
swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look
fat The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees
you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the
hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it
says, 'I Got Worms .'
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog
shit off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in
your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out
the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute,
but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have
your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog shit on
your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because
you remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you
remember you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and
wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart
out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went
to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.
Big Teddy
Men's age as determine by a trip to Walmart..........
Linear Mode
