A Cowboy's Guide to Life
by Texas Bix Bender
(may have been lifted from Will Rogers)
· A smart ass just don't fit in a saddle.
· Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.
· Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
· Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey.
· If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
· Always drink upstream from the herd.
· Don't get mad at somebody who knows more 'n you do. It ain't their fault.
· Don't interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.
· Don't let so much reality into your life that there's no room left for dreamin'.
· Don't never interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.
· Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
· Generally, you ain't learnin' nothing when your mouth's a-jawin'.
· Go after life as if it's something that's got to be roped in a hurry before it gets away.
· Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
· If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't.
· If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
· If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
· It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
· Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.
· Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
· Never miss a good chance to shut up.
· Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
· No matter who says what, don't believe it if it don't make sense.
· The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning.
· The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.
· Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
· Trust everybody in the game, but always cut the cards.
· When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.