12-29-2008, 20:11
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#1
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Red State
Posts: 3,774
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Hollywood Squares
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may
bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the
days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not
scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions,
of course..
Q.Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads underwater long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you
be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q.True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q.You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a
woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q.According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think
that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Q.Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q.In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q.What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q.As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands
while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give
you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q.Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q.Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get
any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q.In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q.It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One
is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q.During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q.Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q.When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q.If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q.According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the
habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q.It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Backin the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what
was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q.Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. Whena couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him
Q.Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has
actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q.According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
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Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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BMT (RIP) is offline
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12-29-2008, 20:22
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#2
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Guerrilla
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Nashville
Posts: 310
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This is so funny I cried. Why can't we have comedy like this now-a-days? Can we petition for reruns?
__________________
"And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom?"- Braveheart
de Oppresso Liber
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olhamada is offline
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12-29-2008, 20:42
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#3
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Fayetteville NC
Posts: 3,533
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Now that stuff is truly funny! 
__________________
Hold Hard guys
Rick B.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is knowing it is great on a hamburger but not so great sticking one up your ass.
Author - Richard.
Experience is what you get right after you need it.
Author unknown. 
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longrange1947 is offline
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12-29-2008, 22:13
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#4
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Area Commander
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: The Black Hills of SD
Posts: 5,944
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Non Sibi Sed Suis
_____________________________________________
It's Good To Be Da King !!!! Just ask NDD !!!!
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Sdiver is offline
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12-29-2008, 23:33
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#5
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Area Commander
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: JBLM
Posts: 1,246
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Very, very good post. I wasn't even a thought for mom at that point. I guess the intelligent comedy is a dying breed.
I'm stealing it!
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"Let the blood of the infantry flow through your veins,or the blood of the infantry will be on your hands."
- GEN John A. Wickham, Jr. speaking on the responsibilities of MI soldiers.
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jbour13 is offline
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12-30-2008, 09:01
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#6
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Area Commander
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Midwest
Posts: 7,134
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Used to love that show, even if at the time some of the jokes went "above" my head. I'm not that old.
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Gypsy is offline
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12-30-2008, 10:57
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#7
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"SF Loggie"
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 250
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gypsy
Used to love that show, even if at the time some of the jokes went "above" my head. I'm not that old. |
I am that old and they still went over my head (still do).
I seem to remember a disclaimer about the stars being given some of the questions before the show (not the answers).
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Soft Target is offline
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12-30-2008, 12:52
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#8
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Area Commander
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Midwest
Posts: 7,134
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soft Target
I am that old and they still went over my head
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Oh good, I don't feel so bad now.
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My Heroes wear camouflage.
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Gypsy is offline
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12-30-2008, 13:10
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#9
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Area Commander
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 2,952
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Really funny!!
Thought the show was great.
Didn't John Wayne's son (Patrick) host the show for some time?
RF 1
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Red Flag 1 is offline
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12-30-2008, 14:35
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#10
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Guerrilla Chief
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: The Nam
Posts: 777
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I remember that show!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gypsy
Used to love that show, even if at the time some of the jokes went "above" my head. I'm not that old. |
I am with you on that Gypsy! I wish we still had pithy comedians like that. <sigh> Oh, how I loath the PC world!
__________________
A tyrant will always find a pretext for his tyranny ~ Aesops Fables; The Lamb and the Wolf
Am fear nach gleidh na h-airm san t-sith, cha bhi iad aige 'n am a' chogaidh
"He that keeps not his arms in time of peace will have none in time of war" Old Gaelic
Arms discourage and keep the invader and plunderer in awe, and preserve order in the world as well as property... Horrid mischief would ensue were the law-abiding deprived of the use of them. Thomas Paine
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Saoirse is offline
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12-30-2008, 14:39
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#11
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Area Commander
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Delaware
Posts: 1,425
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Loved that show! How refreshing to laugh out loud at jokes not involving curses. Great stuff!
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You ask; What is our policy? I will say; “It is to wage war, by sea, land and air, with all our might and with all the strength that God can give us: to wage war against a monstrous tyranny, never surpassed in the dark lamentable catalogue of human crime. That is our policy.” You ask; What is our aim? I can answer with one word: Victory—victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory there is no survival.-Winston Churchill
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Goggles Pizano is offline
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12-30-2008, 14:47
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#12
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Quiet Professional (RIP)
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Carriere,Ms.
Posts: 6,922
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Excellent post,really true comedy.......... 
GB TFS 
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I believe that SF is a 'calling' - not too different from the calling missionaries I know received. I knew instantly that it was for me, and that I would do all I could to achieve it. Most others I know in SF experienced something similar. If, as you say, you HAVE searched and read, and you do not KNOW if this is the path for you --- it is not....
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SF is a calling and it requires commitment and dedication that the uninitiated will never understand......
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SFA M-2527, Chapter XXXVII
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greenberetTFS is offline
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10-01-2009, 16:54
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#13
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Asset
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 44
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my dogs are barking at me because I'm laughing too much! Great post!
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Diablo Blanco is offline
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