MESSAGE FROM, HRH THE QUEEN

Rogue · 10-09-2008, 15:03

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her
Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate
competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to
govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation
of your independence, effective immediately.

(You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English
Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume
monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and
territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a
Governor for America without the need for further
elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire
may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the
following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

-----------------------

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as
'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise,
you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half
the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the
suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise
your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up
'vocabulary').

------------------------

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with
filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an
unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There
is no such thing as U.S. English.. We will let Microsoft
know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be
adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u''
and the elimination of '-ize.'

-------------------

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

-----------------

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using
guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so
many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite
ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for
shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without
suing someone or speaking to a therapist,then you're not
ready to shoot grouse..

----------------------

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry
anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although
a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable
peeler in public.

----------------------

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and
you will start driving on the left side with immediate
effect. At the same time, you will go metric with
immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
understand the British sense of humour.

--------------------

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you
have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get
used to it.

-------------------

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you
call French fries are not real chips, and those things you
insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps.
Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed
not with catsup but with vinegar.

-------------------

Rogue · 10-09-2008, 15:04

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is
not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British
Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of
known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager.
Australian beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for
pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only
be due to the beer. They are also part of the British
Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands
will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that
all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

---------------------

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English
actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to
cast English actors to play English characters. Watching
Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings
and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears
removed with a cheese grater.

---------------------

11. You will cease playing American football. There is
only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer.
Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play
rugby (which has some similarities to American football,
but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty
seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of
nancies)..

---------------------

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not
reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a
game which is not played outside of America. Since only
2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders,
your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and
we will let you face the Australians first to take the
sting out of their deliveries.

--------------------

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us
mad.

-----------------

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her
Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the
acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

---------------

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper
cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality
biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with
cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of
humour (NOT humor)!

nmap · 10-09-2008, 18:40

Let's take the deal while we can. Don't let HRH look at the books until the contract is finalized!

Sdiver · 10-09-2008, 19:53

Metrication ???

**The Reaper** · 10-09-2008, 20:17

Hey, Your Royal Highness:

Let us know how that unrestricted immigration and sharia law thing works out for you.

We'll cling to our guns and God till then.

TR

Scimitar · 10-09-2008, 20:33

Having lived in both countries....Halerious!

S

Red Flag 1 · 10-10-2008, 05:33

Also:

Words ending in "A" will henceforth be pronounced as "er". For examlpe, Honda will be pronounced "Honder".

It is clear that HRH has never seen what a veggie peeler can do in the hands of someone who really knows how to use one!

Perhaps a few British brews would be nice.

RF 1

sg1987 · 10-10-2008, 06:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Reaper

Hey, Your Royal Highness:

Let us know how that unrestricted immigration and sharia law thing works out for you.

We'll cling to our guns and God till then.

TR

King (or Queen) today....Caliph tomorrow!

Richard · 10-10-2008, 13:41

MEMORANDM TO: HRH, the Qeen
MEMORANDM FROM: One American Citizen

REFERENCE: Yor message to the Citizens of the nited States of America

Dear Liz,

1. IAW the instrctions otlined in paragraph 1 of yor message (The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words), please be so kind as to insert the letter 'U' into the appropriate spaces to correct any misspellings fond in this message.

2. FCK YO.

Sincerely,

Richard

PS - I am of the Clans Hay and Murray.

CPTAUSRET · 10-10-2008, 13:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by Richard

MEMORANDM TO: HRH, the Qeen
MEMORANDM FROM: One American Citizen

REFERENCE: Yor message to the Citizens of the nited States of America

Dear Liz,

1. IAW the instrctions otlined in paragraph 1 of yor message (The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words), please be so kind as to insert the letter 'U' into the appropriate spaces to correct any misspellings fond in this message.

2. FCK YO.

Sincerely,

Richard

PS - I am of the Clans Hay and Murray.

Appropos!

And those who misspell judgment with two e's will be back in fashion.

Red Flag 1 · 10-10-2008, 13:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by Richard

MEMORANDM TO: HRH, the Qeen
MEMORANDM FROM: One American Citizen

REFERENCE: Yor message to the Citizens of the nited States of America

Dear Liz,

1. IAW the instrctions otlined in paragraph 1 of yor message (The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words), please be so kind as to insert the letter 'U' into the appropriate spaces to correct any misspellings fond in this message.

2. FCK YO.

Sincerely,

Richard

PS - I am of the Clans Hay and Murray.

1 & 2 work for me!!

RF 1

echoes · 10-10-2008, 13:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Reaper

Hey, Your Royal Highness:

Let us know how that unrestricted immigration and sharia law thing works out for you.

We'll cling to our guns and God till then.

TR

Agreed Sir! IIRC, my Grandpa mentioned the same thiings about guns and god, and Country!

And yep! He kept his "money" in a cedar chest.

Holly

Sdiver · 10-10-2008, 19:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by Red Flag 1

It is clear that HRH has never seen what a veggie peeler can do in the hands of someone who really knows how to use one!

RF 1

But watch out, the Brits know how to defend themselves against someone armed with a piece of fresh fruit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bCyIAsSid8

But after watching this, we could take over England armed only with NDD's sharp pointy stick with a nail on the end.

Red Flag 1 · 10-10-2008, 19:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sdiver

But watch out, the Brits know how to defend themselves against someone armed with a piece of fresh fruit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bCyIAsSid8

But after watching this, we could take over England armed only with NDD's sharp pointy stick with a nail on the end.

He was obviously saving the " Killer Rabbitt" for later!