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Old 05-29-2008, 22:17   #1
frostfire
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Irish Smiles

Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.

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Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.

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The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.

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An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?"

Paddy: "Who told you that?"

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Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?
Answer - So the English can understand them.

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Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced: "Not guilty."
"That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"

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Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."

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Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen: "Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece?"
Mr. Feeney: "No, but I'm gettin' closer all the time."

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Q: What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
A: A bachelor.

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Finnegin: "My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two

o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it."
Keenan: "What on earth is she doin' at that time?"
Finnegin: "Waitin' for me to come home..."

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Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital: "Quick!
Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"
Intern: "Tell me, is this her first baby?"
Kevin: "No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."

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Druggist: "O'Ryan, did that mudpack I gave you improve

your wife's appearance?"
O'Ryan: "It did surely, but it keeps fallin' off!"

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Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?

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My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs?
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"we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope" Rom. 5:3-4

"So we can suffer, and in suffering we know who we are" David Goggins

"Aide-toi, Dieu t'aidera " Jehanne, la Pucelle

Der, der Geld verliert, verliert einiges;
Der, der einen Freund verliert, verliert viel mehr;
Der, der das Vertrauen verliert, verliert alles.

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Old 05-30-2008, 19:03   #2
Gypsy
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Quote:
Druggist: "O'Ryan, did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?"
O'Ryan: "It did surely, but it keeps fallin' off!"
I think that's my favorite.
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