07-07-2007, 19:45
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#1
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Asset
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 8
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Question about Girlfriends of SF operators
Hey guys. I've been tooling around this site for quite a while... by far the best source of information I have come across yet. I have been graduated from college with a Criminal Justice degree for a year and am pretty seriously considering enlisting with an 18x option. I have been dating a girl going on 3 years now and she just graduated college in May. We are moving out of our college town, and are trying to get out lives together and figure out what we are going to do. I was really hoping to get some advice on what to say to her to help ease her extreme fears about even talking about me enlisting. I have read the stickys and the link to the families, but I know as just a girlfriend, there wont be able to relocate her or anything like that. I am also curious about how much communication, and what kind, I will be able to have during training, the Q course, and after while on delpoyments. How much time would I realistically be able to see her if she doesnt live on base? Would I be able to propose and have time to have a wedding during the 5 or more year contract? Any advice or experiences would be tremendously appreciated.
__________________
"Only the Hard, Only the Strong" - 300
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Hoss is offline
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07-07-2007, 19:52
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#2
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Guerrilla
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Fort Carson, CO
Posts: 338
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by *FutureSoldier*
Hey guys. I've been tooling around this site for quite a while... by far the best source of information I have come across yet. I have been graduated from college with a Criminal Justice degree for a year and am pretty seriously considering enlisting with an 18x option. I have been dating a girl going on 3 years now and she just graduated college in May. We are moving out of our college town, and are trying to get out lives together and figure out what we are going to do. I was really hoping to get some advice on what to say to her to help ease her extreme fears about even talking about me enlisting. I have read the stickys and the link to the families, but I know as just a girlfriend, there wont be able to relocate her or anything like that. I am also curious about how much communication, and what kind, I will be able to have during training, the Q course, and after while on delpoyments. How much time would I realistically be able to see her if she doesnt live on base? Would I be able to propose and have time to have a wedding during the 5 or more year contract? Any advice or experiences would be tremendously appreciated.
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You obviously didn't graduate with a degree in Engilish.
Come on, man; you're making the criminal justice majors look bad.....
__________________
Example is better than precept.
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RTK is offline
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07-07-2007, 20:20
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#3
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Free Pineland
Posts: 24,780
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This has been flogged to death here, use the search button.
If you need an excuse not to try, a girlfriend is as good as any.
TR
__________________
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - President Theodore Roosevelt, 1910
De Oppresso Liber 01/20/2025
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The Reaper is offline
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07-07-2007, 22:25
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#4
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Asset
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 8
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RTK - Unnecessary, Unprofessional, Unhelpful
TR - You're absolutely right, man. I shouldn't use her as an excuse not to do something I feel strongly about. Got me in a whole new mindset. I'll keep searching, and I'll make sure to exhaust all options before posting again. Thanks
__________________
"Only the Hard, Only the Strong" - 300
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Hoss is offline
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07-07-2007, 23:27
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#5
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Guerrilla
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Fort Carson, CO
Posts: 338
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by *FutureSoldier*
RTK - Unnecessary, Unprofessional, Unhelpful
TR - You're absolutely right, man. I shouldn't use her as an excuse not to do something I feel strongly about. Got me in a whole new mindset. I'll keep searching, and I'll make sure to exhaust all options before posting again. Thanks
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You asked the question. Therefore you aren't the judge of professionalism, neccessity, or what is helpful.
Bottom line is the same thing TR said. Find a new reason to join the army. Conventional or special, what you have isn't working.
__________________
Example is better than precept.
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RTK is offline
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07-08-2007, 06:07
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#6
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Hope Mills, NC
Posts: 2,759
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seems its all about him, or her. They dont know what they're in for. If he's worried about those sorts of things, he wont do to good on a team, his mind will be elswhere, let alone going through training. As an instructor for 7 years, you can tell guys whose heads are in it, and those guys that are not. Every break alot of them run outside to "check in" with wifey or girl friend on their cell phones, and ask "what time will we be finished today?". Wonder how we did it without all this technology?!?! But...they are civilians and dont understand, they have no idea of the commitment and dedication it is going to take to be the best you can be. You must FOCUS.
*futuresoldier* you need to get your priorities straight if your gonna make up your mind, remember the old saying, "if the army wanted you to have a wife/girlfriend, they would have issued you one"!
EDIT: BTW, I have been married for 21 years and three kids, I have a wife that I could never have done the things I have without her support. However, her dad is SF(retired) also, she knew what she was getting into.
Last edited by glebo; 07-08-2007 at 06:09.
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glebo is offline
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07-08-2007, 06:26
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#7
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: LA
Posts: 1,653
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by *FutureSoldier*
RTK - Unnecessary, Unprofessional, Unhelpful
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Yes, that describes your post to a "T". That you don't get what he said is your problem, not his. Mouth off again and you'll be looking for your answers somewhere else.
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TR - You're absolutely right, man. I shouldn't use her as an excuse not to do something I feel strongly about. Got me in a whole new mindset. I'll keep searching, and I'll make sure to exhaust all options before posting again. Thanks
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He is not "man".
I'll answer your question for you based on probabilities. She will be miserable and start to resent you while you are in training. Upon graduation your ass will be in Iraq for a year. She will cheat, you'll hear about it, and that will be it. That is assuming of course that you graduate. If you don't, you will blame her, resent her and cheat - and that will be it.
If any question you have about Special Forces includes the word "girlfriend", you are neither focused nor ready.
__________________
Somewhere a True Believer is training to kill you. He is training with minimal food or water, in austere conditions, training day and night. The only thing clean on him is his weapon and he made his web gear. He doesn't worry about what workout to do - his ruck weighs what it weighs, his runs end when the enemy stops chasing him. This True Believer is not concerned about 'how hard it is;' he knows either he wins or dies. He doesn't go home at 17:00, he is home.
He knows only The Cause.
Still want to quit?
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NousDefionsDoc is offline
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07-08-2007, 07:36
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#8
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 20,929
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by NousDefionsDoc
If any question you have about Special Forces includes the word "girlfriend", you are neither focused nor ready.
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Well put. 
Team Sergeant
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"The Spartans do not ask how many are the enemy, but where they are."
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Team Sergeant is offline
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07-08-2007, 08:40
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#9
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SF Candidate
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 15
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I'm not on a team and hell I haven't gone to SFAS or Q course but I have a girlfriend. First thing I did right before we got serious is told her all about SF and exactly what that entails. Sent her to several websites such as this and made her read in depth about everything from training to deployments. At first she wasn't sure about SF, then as she read about it (especially the strong family support system) she became very supportive. All I can say, is if you really love her then give her the respect she deserves by telling her exactly what the SF life will be like (as much as you can) and let her make her own decision. I wish you the best of luck.
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brandonm is offline
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07-08-2007, 09:00
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#10
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Free Pineland
Posts: 24,780
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by *FutureSoldier*
RTK - Unnecessary, Unprofessional, Unhelpful
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Judging from the way you are treating a combat vet who could be your commander, you are not yet ready for prime time. His advice to do your best was not unnecessary, unprofessional, or unhelpful. It might be tolerable or understandable if you were a kid with a GED.
Enjoy the girlfriend, and get a civilian job you enjoy, save yourself (and us) some pain.
Please put up a note here when you have finished searching and reading all of the threads about SF wives, girlfriends, and relationships.
Brandon, as you noted, you haven't actually done anything yet but get a girlfriend. When you have a beret, at least one marriage, and a few years in, then you can dispense SF relationship advice here. Till then, I would refrain from answering SF questions.
TR
__________________
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - President Theodore Roosevelt, 1910
De Oppresso Liber 01/20/2025
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The Reaper is offline
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07-08-2007, 09:05
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#11
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SF Candidate
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 15
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Will do, bowing out.
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brandonm is offline
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07-08-2007, 09:25
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#12
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Castle Rock, CO
Posts: 2,531
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Originally Posted by The Reaper
When you have a beret, at least one marriage, and a few years in, then you can dispense SF relationship advice here.
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at which point, you will defer because once in possession of all the above, you will realize that you don't understand all you know about relationships in general and women in particular...IMNSHO...
and then there's the whole "operator" thing...
__________________
""A man must know his destiny. if he does not recognize it, then he is lost. By this I mean, once, twice, or at the very most, three times, fate will reach out and tap a man on the shoulder. if he has the imagination, he will turn around and fate will point out to him what fork in the road he should take, if he has the guts, he will take it.""- GEN George S. Patton
Last edited by lksteve; 07-08-2007 at 09:36.
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lksteve is offline
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07-08-2007, 09:51
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#13
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Guerrilla
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Fort Carson, CO
Posts: 338
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Here's the deal, Future Soldier (doubtful, by the way):
Whether you're going SF or not, the military needs people who are dedicated to the job they're assigned to. Whether you take the path that leads to Special Forces or you follow the conventional path as I did into a combat arms MOS you'd better have your priorities straight.
So lets recap.
Clearly, in your 3 posts thus far you have not demonstrated an ounce of situational awareness, attention to detail, or the humility required of someone who is evidently learning. You admit to hate exercise and only enjoy it due to the feeling YOU get out of it. You're a college graduate who works as a doorman in Georgia. You've been going out with a girl for 3 years and you're asking complete strangers for advice on whether or not to propose. The tone of your post is all about YOU.
Speaking as a former reconnaissance troop commander with two combat tours, you're exactly the type of person I didn't need in my troop.
This isn't your high school football team where you can decide when to bring it and when to mail it in. We need people dedicated to the organization they're part of, the way of life and discipline required of them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
This isn't UFC and it ain't pro wrestling. False bravado will get you nowhere around here. In our game, people die, plain and simple. I don't want to worry about one of my soldiers who is spending his time worrying if his path in life is appeasing Household 6. I want someone dedicated. If you can't be that, enjoy your career as a bouncer. That's about all you have to look forward to.
__________________
Example is better than precept.
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RTK is offline
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07-08-2007, 14:38
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#14
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: LA
Posts: 1,653
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by brandonm
I'm not on a team and hell I haven't gone to SFAS or Q course but I have a girlfriend. First thing I did right before we got serious is told her all about SF and exactly what that entails. Sent her to several websites such as this and made her read in depth about everything from training to deployments. At first she wasn't sure about SF, then as she read about it (especially the strong family support system) she became very supportive. All I can say, is if you really love her then give her the respect she deserves by telling her exactly what the SF life will be like (as much as you can) and let her make her own decision. I wish you the best of luck.
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Good for you. Go do PT.
__________________
Somewhere a True Believer is training to kill you. He is training with minimal food or water, in austere conditions, training day and night. The only thing clean on him is his weapon and he made his web gear. He doesn't worry about what workout to do - his ruck weighs what it weighs, his runs end when the enemy stops chasing him. This True Believer is not concerned about 'how hard it is;' he knows either he wins or dies. He doesn't go home at 17:00, he is home.
He knows only The Cause.
Still want to quit?
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NousDefionsDoc is offline
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07-08-2007, 14:41
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#15
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: LA
Posts: 1,653
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by brandonm
Will do, bowing out.
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And the fooked up thing is you knew what was going to happen when you posted it, didn't you?
__________________
Somewhere a True Believer is training to kill you. He is training with minimal food or water, in austere conditions, training day and night. The only thing clean on him is his weapon and he made his web gear. He doesn't worry about what workout to do - his ruck weighs what it weighs, his runs end when the enemy stops chasing him. This True Believer is not concerned about 'how hard it is;' he knows either he wins or dies. He doesn't go home at 17:00, he is home.
He knows only The Cause.
Still want to quit?
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NousDefionsDoc is offline
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