Handling Break Ups..

NBC-Guy · 04-05-2007, 16:58

Hey all. I have talked to a few people that have been special forces for 15+ years prior to deploying and majority of them have gone thru multiple marriages. Well I am not in any group, but I am deployed. Two weeks after I got back into the BIAP area ater R&R, my girlfriend of 6 years whom I was going to propose to upon Demobing cheated on me with a Ranger and we have broken up and she has gotten together with him.

I was just wondering if any of you all have been in my shoes how did you effectively maintain focus on the day ahead and accomplishing the task ahead of you. It is tough out here because we are doing detainee ops 12 hours on 12 hours off and there isn't too much to occupy my mind with other than books. Any information, advice, or encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Just trying to effectively move on and the first step was to dedicate myself to preparing for SFAS and making contact with guys at 19th group in WA. I am looking to get rid of the relapses and memories which I keep thinking about. It sucks. I guess time heals all wounds, ehh. Sorry for rambling.

RB

82ndtrooper · 04-05-2007, 17:04

My 1stSG told me once "There are three things that will fook up a soldier" My reply "What are they" his reply "Booze, Broads, and Broads" Stay away from all three !!

Snaquebite · 04-05-2007, 17:11

Well, I'm sorry to hear of your misfortune, however after 3 bad marriages in which the wife was the unfaithful one...I will offer this.....
Feel Lucky that it happened before you got married.
She'll probably figure out she screwed up, but she dosen't deserve you.
Don't try to get back together with her, she'll in all probability do it again.
Keep your eyes open, but don't go hunting; the right girl WILL come along.
I KNOW...I am now married again and we not only love each other but are BEST friends.

I'm sure you'll get more advice.

NBC-Guy · 04-05-2007, 17:17

thanks all. yeah i was so close to popping the question but didn't want to do it before I came right back over. I am not sure if we will get back together as we are not on talking terms at the moment. I am trying to avoid having relapses as much as possible.

I don't hunt girls too often. For the last six years I have been quite tame by her haha. It helps alot that I am trying to dedicate majority of my time to reading up on things that will help me in selections and to get mentally and physically stronger.

Gypsy · 04-05-2007, 17:19

rb...sorry to hear that this has happened.

If I may, I'll tell you what I've told countless young men I've written over the years when they have poured their hearts out to me about a cheating spouse/gf etc. It always breaks my heart to hear about this kind of thing and some of the stories would curl my hair...if it wasn't already curly.

It won't take away the pain you're feeling at the moment, but the best "revenge" is living well. Take care of yourself, keep yourself focused in all ways.

I bet someone will probably be along shortly to suggest you do extra PT, since you mentioned preparing for SFAS.

Not making light...just that a little levity sometimes helps... Good luck and stay safe.

RTK · 04-05-2007, 17:20

First, since you're working detainee ops, make sure it doesn't effect how you're doing your job - that's a good way down a bad path.

Second, if you think it's gonna effet your job and you have a good relationship with your first line, have a sit down for a talk. Chances are, if he's worth a damn, he'll listen.

Third, take the anger out on a set of weights, the track, or whatever other physical activity you like. You'll be amazed how good it feels to get that aggression out.

My fiancee dumped me after I got out of Airborne school in July 1998. I got in really good shape after that. 6 months later I met my wife who I've been with almost 9 years now. Be patient and, like Snaquebite said, wait for the right one - she'll eventually come around. Good luck.

NBC-Guy · 04-05-2007, 17:22

yeah i have kicked up the PT quite a bit. Hitting the gym everyday and rucking 6 miles every other day with 3 mile runs on the days in between. It has helped alot

Gypsy · 04-05-2007, 17:25

Well, let us know if you need any more reading material.

Or homemade cookies...though that would be contraindicated for any positive PT results.

82ndtrooper · 04-05-2007, 17:35

Here's a thread by NDD. Worry about this much later after SFAS and the "Q"

http://www.professionalsoldiers.com/...ight=marriages

Books · 04-05-2007, 18:34

Hate to say it but these things happen (at least to guys like me). It took me about two years of marriage before I canned the PACE E&E plan I figured out if it all went tits up. That said, all is well now. Moral of the story for you is that even though it sucks now, it will get better. Keep the faith and drive on.

When you get back, fire me a PM and I'll make sure you get in contact with the folks in A Co.

Good Luck

Books

TF Kilo · 04-05-2007, 19:02

I had a GF thru my 2nd afghanistan deployment... found out she was cheating on me as I was flying back and forth between nevada on red cross messages about my dad being in the ICU. Found out about her cheating on me after my father passed on and I was in nevada, canned her on the spot myself.

Women are trouble, until you find the right one, or the right one finds you.

I'm now happily married with the perfect woman. Don't sweat this one, if she cut sling load it was for the better for you anyway.

NBC-Guy · 04-05-2007, 20:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gypsy

Well, let us know if you need any more reading material.

Or homemade cookies...though that would be contraindicated for any positive PT results.

thats a yes on both of those

im always looking to expand my knowledge and could do so with a snack or two by my side

Gypsy · 04-05-2007, 20:43

Shot out.

Radar Rider · 04-05-2007, 21:22

Quote:

upon Demobing cheated on me with a Ranger and we have broken up and she has gotten together with him.

A ranger? Park or Texas?

**Peregrino** · 04-05-2007, 22:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gypsy

It won't take away the pain you're feeling at the moment, but the best "revenge" is living well.

Gypsy hit the nail on the head. Now that you've adjusted the PT routine to compensate (sublimate) it's time to sit down and write that Ranger a HEARTFELT Thank You note. That idiot (she did it to you, she'll eventually do it to him) just saved you untold tens of thousands of dollars and a few wasted years of your life. To put it in perspective: that's a wedding, honeymoon, years of supporting her, possible children and all the entailed expenses, counselling, divorce lawyers, property settlements, alimony, child support, etc., etc. that you won't have to pay for now (at least not to that one). Now move out and have fun with the rest of your life. FWIW - women outnumber men and if you've got anything on the ball you're a hot commodity (in other words - there's a lot more where that one came from). The lessons this one taught you will serve good stead when the next one comes along. My .02 - Peregrino