02-17-2007, 22:22
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#1
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Ft Bragg, NC
Posts: 1,126
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This is great [the first time]
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
__________________
If ever time should come, when vain and aspiring men shall possess the highest seats in Government, our country will stand in need of its experienced patriots to prevent its ruin.
Samuel Adams
It is the duty of the patriot to protect his country from its government.
Thomas Paine
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Max_Tab is offline
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02-17-2007, 23:57
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#2
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Auxiliary
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: JBLM, WA
Posts: 66
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 OH MAN THAT'S GREAT ! one point for the males WOOT !
__________________
NIGHT STALKERS DON'T QUIT !
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Shans84 is offline
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02-18-2007, 10:06
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#3
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Area Commander
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Hobbiton
Posts: 1,209
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Sheer genius
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Scimitar is offline
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02-18-2007, 14:07
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#4
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Guerrilla
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 243
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That is awesome!
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Sionnach is offline
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02-19-2007, 16:08
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#5
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Area Commander
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: OK. Thanking Our Brave Soldiers
Posts: 3,614
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Max_Tab
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
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Sir,
Respectfully, after reading that, I must say that there are a few of us women who would enjoy spoling our men. 
Holly
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echoes is offline
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02-19-2007, 19:10
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#6
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Area Commander
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,403
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by echoes
Sir,
Respectfully, after reading that, I must say that there are a few of us women who would enjoy spoling our men.
Holly |
I've never been spoled. Sounds painful.
__________________
mugwump
“Klaatu barada nikto”
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mugwump is offline
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02-19-2007, 19:48
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#7
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: North Texas, I can see OK from here!
Posts: 2,077
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by mugwump
I've never been spoled. Sounds painful.
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I think I was once...but I don't want to talk about it! 
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SF18C is offline
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02-21-2007, 10:57
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#8
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Asscrackistan
Posts: 4,289
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Scimitar
Sheer genius
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+1 LMAO!!!!
Stolen too. 
__________________
"Berg Heil"
History teaches that when you become indifferent and lose the will to fight someone who has the will to fight will take over."
COLONEL BULL SIMONS
Intelligence failures are failures of command [just] as operations failures are command failures.”
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MtnGoat is offline
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02-21-2007, 11:10
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#9
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: In transit somewhere
Posts: 4,044
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by echoes
Sir,
Respectfully, after reading that, I must say that there are a few of us women who would enjoy spoling our men.
Holly |
Isn't that what NDD does with that pointy stick with the nail in the end - OUCH!!!
__________________
In the business of war, there is no invariable stategic advantage (shih) which can be relied upon at all times.
Sun-Tzu, "The Art of Warfare"
Hearing, I forget. Seeing, I remember. Writing (doing), I understand. Chinese Proverb
Too many people are looking for a magic bullet. As always, shot placement is the key. ~TR
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x SF med is offline
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02-21-2007, 12:37
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#10
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BANNED USER
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,189
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Salivating
Nothing like getting the mouth salivating only to have that piece of meat swiftly taken away and thrown into the garbage.
Genius !!
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82ndtrooper is offline
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02-21-2007, 13:38
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#11
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: South Georiga
Posts: 797
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Cold shower, anyone?
Jim
__________________
Breaking a law or violation of a regulation is not a mistake. It is willful misconduct.
"If you love wealth more than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, depart from us in peace. We ask not your counsel nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you. May your chains rest lightly upon you and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen." [Samuel Adams]
Jim
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incommin is offline
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02-21-2007, 17:56
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#12
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Guerrilla
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Ireland
Posts: 150
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And it only get worse when your married..LOl
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Irish_Army01 is offline
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02-21-2007, 21:04
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#13
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Guerrilla
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 66
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Holly, I agree with you! 
It was a cute story though!
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Beach Bum is offline
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02-27-2007, 08:57
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#14
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Quiet Professional
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Currently FT. Bragg
Posts: 622
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That was very funny am going to print that out for the wife. Dont think she will find it as funny, but thats ok.
__________________
There is only one tactical principal which is not subject to change. It is to use the means at hand to inflict the maximum amount of wounds, death and destruction on the enemy in the minimum amount of time.
Gen. George S. Patton, Jr.
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Jgood is offline
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02-27-2007, 13:03
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#15
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Auxiliary
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 84
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Yeah, thats going straight to the Wife's inbox, she'll get a kick outta that!
__________________
Rest In Everlasting Peace to all of our Brothers who have passed.
MSG David Hurt
SSG Marvin Trost
SSG Thor Ingraham
SPC Edwin Roodhouse
PFC Nicholas Messmer
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