Letters to Santa

[Monsoon65]

If Santa answered his mail honestly:



Dear Santa

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a
good boy all yeer.

YeR FReND,

BiLLy



Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.

How 'bout I send you a freakin' book so you can learnto read
and write?

I'm giving your brother the space ranger, at least HE
can spell!

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I
ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love,

Sarah



Dear Sarah,

You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't
they?

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
Please see what you can do.

Love,

Teddy



Dear Teddy,

What, like your dad's going to quit banging the
babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane, son?

Let me get you some nice Legos instead.

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love,

Francis



Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're
gay.

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I
left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.

Love,

Susan



Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the sh*ts and carrots make the deer fart
in my face.

You want to kiss my ass? Leave me a bottle of scotch
and some Toblerone.



Santa


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Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you
making Toys?

Your friend,

Thomas




Dear Thomas,

All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas,
Where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses
asses, and losing money at the craps table.

Hey, you wanted to know.



Santa


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Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know
when we're awake, like in the song?

Love,

Jessica



Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever
you do. I'm skipping your house.



Santa

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Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please
please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?

Timmy





Timmy,

That whiney begging sh*t may work with your folks, but
that crap don't work up here.

You're getting a sweater again.



Santa
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Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
into our home?

Love,

Marky



Mark,

Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why
you're getting your ass whipped at school.

Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent
apartment complex.

Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do,
through your bedroom window.



Sweet Dreams,

Santa

[Gypsy]

Too funny!