Hard to believe, but another year has passed. Once again, it's
time for the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwin's are awarded every year to
the persons who died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing
themselves from the gene pool. This year's nine nominees are:
Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]:
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former
girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun
discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was
trying to repair what police describe as a "farm type truck." Burns got a
friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he
could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on
something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]:
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in
Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he
reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which
discharged when he drew it to his ear.
Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]:
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown
Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24
floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the
courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was
explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law
students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength
according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden
Day, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and
brightest" members of the 200 man association.
Nominee No. 5: [Bloomberg News Service]:
A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed for the
death of a man who was killed by his own gas emissions. There was no mark on
his body, and an autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system.
His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage. It was just the right
combination of foods in his digestive system. It appears that the man died in
his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was
hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it
wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his nearly
airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge
capacity for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick,
and one was hospitalized.
Nominee No. 6: [The News of the Weird]:
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent
several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder
conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While
sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set,
he bit into a wire and was electrocuted. ouchhhh!!
Nominee No. 7: [The Indianapolis Star]:
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A
Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle
loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's
investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 29, died in his
parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor
was cleaning a 54 caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly.
He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
Nominee No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]:
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in
this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko,
55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said Inspector
D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved,
and he went over the balcony," Honer said.
Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and
struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff
County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight
Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock,
were returning to Des Arc after a frog giggling trip on an overcast Sunday
night when Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.
The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had
burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the
.22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box
next to the steering wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the
headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on
eastbound toward the White River Bridge. After traveling approximately 20
miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently
overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles.
The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a
tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but
will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles,
which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle
and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when
Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both be dead", stated Wallis."I've been
a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me.
I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said
Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how
many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck?
(Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure
as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that
Poole DID, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.)
Linear Mode
