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greenberetTFS
06-23-2009, 10:32
Men's Age as Determined by a Trip to Walmart.


You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house

mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room,

or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You

have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with

the hole in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what,

and an old pair of tennis shoes.


Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you

realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to

help complete the job.


Depending on your age you might do the following:


In your 20's:


Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your

hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check

yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite

cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick

while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with

the pretty girl running the register.



In your 30's:


Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change

shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash

your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the

mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to

cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid

sister to someone you went to school with.



In your 40's:


Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to

cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on

different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute

Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a

trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more

sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the

register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she

is spicy.



In your 50's:


Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your

hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get

dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you

swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look

fat The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees

you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the

hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it

says, 'I Got Worms .'



In your 60's:


Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog

shit off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in

your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out

the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute,

but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.



In your 70's:


Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have

your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog shit on

your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because

you remind her of her grandfather.



In your 80's:


Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you

remember you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and

wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart

out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went

to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.

Big Teddy :munchin

LarryW
06-23-2009, 11:19
Great story! True, too.

dr. mabuse
06-23-2009, 16:29
To add to all the above, make sure you're appropriately armed (depending on the hour of the day) before going to the Cedar Hill Gun & Knife Club, er, Walmart.;)