frostfire
05-29-2008, 22:17
Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.
------------------------------------------------------------
Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
------------------------------------------------------------
The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.
------------------------------------------------------------
An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?"
Paddy: "Who told you that?"
------------------------------------------------------------
Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?
Answer - So the English can understand them.
------------------------------------------------------------
Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced: "Not guilty."
"That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
------------------------------------------------------------
Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."
------------------------------------------------------------
Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen: "Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece?"
Mr. Feeney: "No, but I'm gettin' closer all the time."
------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
A: A bachelor.
------------------------------------------------------------
Finnegin: "My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two
o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it."
Keenan: "What on earth is she doin' at that time?"
Finnegin: "Waitin' for me to come home..."
------------------------------------------------------------
Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital: "Quick!
Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"
Intern: "Tell me, is this her first baby?"
Kevin: "No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."
------------------------------------------------------------
Druggist: "O'Ryan, did that mudpack I gave you improve
your wife's appearance?"
O'Ryan: "It did surely, but it keeps fallin' off!"
------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
------------------------------------------------------------
My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs?
------------------------------------------------------------
Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
------------------------------------------------------------
The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.
------------------------------------------------------------
An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?"
Paddy: "Who told you that?"
------------------------------------------------------------
Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?
Answer - So the English can understand them.
------------------------------------------------------------
Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced: "Not guilty."
"That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
------------------------------------------------------------
Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."
------------------------------------------------------------
Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen: "Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece?"
Mr. Feeney: "No, but I'm gettin' closer all the time."
------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
A: A bachelor.
------------------------------------------------------------
Finnegin: "My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two
o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it."
Keenan: "What on earth is she doin' at that time?"
Finnegin: "Waitin' for me to come home..."
------------------------------------------------------------
Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital: "Quick!
Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"
Intern: "Tell me, is this her first baby?"
Kevin: "No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."
------------------------------------------------------------
Druggist: "O'Ryan, did that mudpack I gave you improve
your wife's appearance?"
O'Ryan: "It did surely, but it keeps fallin' off!"
------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
------------------------------------------------------------
My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs?