View Full Version : Good Blonde Laugh
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me.
I have got a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it
started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished ?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box it's a tiger."
He decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in, and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the
table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her
and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able
to assemble all of these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax." Let's have a nice
cup of tea, and then ...."
He sighed.
"Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box "
Dominus_Potior
07-10-2007, 04:40
That's classic.
Here's a couple more short ones.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Try out this one:
A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day, so she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road.
She carefully steps out of the car and opens the
trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the
rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men
are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers...
Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and
backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives.
The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde
of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?" :confused:
My car broke down, Officer" says the blonde, calmly.
Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard
pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer...
"Helllllooooo, those are my emergency flashers!" she
replied. :D
LOL! :D
Never heard those before...now I'm ready for some "Red-head" jokes...:lifter
Holly
(currently blonde, and proud of it!)
Never heard those before...now I'm ready for some "Red-head" jokes...:lifter
Holly
(currently blonde, and proud of it!)
There aren't any.
:p
My wife is a red head...I would never make jokes about red heads. It hurts too much!
My wife is a red head...I would never make jokes about red heads. It hurts too much!
That's why there aren't any.
:D
There aren't any.
:p
Yes but...we blondes have more fun... :D
or so I'm told??? :cool:
Holly
A blond, brunette, and redhead were sitting around discussing there pregnancies and what sex of child they were expecting to have.
The brunette stated that she was going to have a little girl. The others asked how she new. "I was on the bottom when we were making love".
The redhead said " well I must be going to have a little boy because I was on top riding him like a cowboy"
The blond burst into uncontrollable sobs. The other two asked what was wrong.
"OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO HAVE A LITTER THEN" screamed the blond.:eek:
Dominus_Potior
07-11-2007, 00:31
There are redhead jokes, they just aren't as funny as blonde jokes. But I'm still ducking for cover on these:
Q. How do you know a guy at the beach has a redhead for a girlfriend?
A. She has scratched "stay off MY TURF!" on his back with her nails
Q. How do you know when your redhead has forgiven you?
A. She stops washing your clothes in the toilet bowl
Q: What is the difference between a redhead and a computer?
A: A redhead won't accept a three and a half inch (Old Joke)
Q: Why aren't there any more good redhead jokes?
A: Someone told them to a redhead.
Rob
Dominus_Potior
07-11-2007, 00:35
Okay, I got a couple more jokes.
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend". The blonde said "No. A bet's a bet".
So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money".
The blonde said "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
The Blonde
Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight
Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope
Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter
Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months
The box said "2 to 4 years"
Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out
When asked what the capital of California was She answered "C"
Baked a turkey for 3 days
Because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125
Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets
Got hurt while raking leaves
She fell out of the tree
Hated M & Ms because they were so hard to peel
Changed the baby's diaper only once a month
Because the label read
Up to 20 pounds
Rob
There are redhead jokes, they just aren't as funny as blonde jokes. But I'm still ducking for cover on these:
Q. How do you know a guy at the beach has a redhead for a girlfriend?
A. She has scratched "stay off MY TURF!" on his back with her nails
Q. How do you know when your redhead has forgiven you?
A. She stops washing your clothes in the toilet bowl
Q: What is the difference between a redhead and a computer?
A: A redhead won't accept a three and a half inch (Old Joke)
Q: Why aren't there any more good redhead jokes?
A: Someone told them to a redhead.
Rob
:D ;)
Ambush Master
07-11-2007, 19:19
What do you call 6 Blondes talking in a hallway??
A Wind Tunnel!
What do you call it when a Blonde dies her hair Brunette??
Artificial Intellegence!
Later
Martin
Dominus_Potior
07-12-2007, 01:16
A blonde woman was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,
"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
Rob
Dominus_Potior
07-12-2007, 01:33
On the first day of Airborne School, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"
"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."
After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"
Rob - I need a life.
Dominus_Potior
07-12-2007, 04:18
I got a million of these things. By boss's wife is blonde and a really dumb bit....well, anyway, she thinks she's smart but she's not. I got blondes jokes for days.
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.
Mosby Raider
07-26-2007, 19:33
Q: What do blondes and aircraft have in common?
A: Black boxes.
:rolleyes:
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her
little red sports car and was pulled over by
a woman police officer who was also a
blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's
license. She dug through her purse and was getting
progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has
your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse,
looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK,
you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
A blind man wanders into a female biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.
After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you' re blind, that you should know five things:
1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2) The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3) I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5) The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister.
Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters....
'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
Tatonka316
02-11-2010, 10:16
Two brunettes and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender asks the first brunette what she would like to drink. She says, "I'll have a G and T". The bartender says, "Oh, a gin and tonic", and pours her the drink.:)
The second brunette says, "I'll have a J and C" - and the bartender says, "A Jack and Coke coming right up!" and serves her the drink.:D
The is sitting there, thinking about what she wants to order, and finally says, "I'll have a 15!" The bartender looks at her and says,"I'm sorry, but I don't know what a '15' is?"
The blonde says, "You know - 7 and 7!":confused:
Two brunettes and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender asks the first brunette what she would like to drink. She says, "I'll have a G and T". The bartender says, "Oh, a gin and tonic", and pours her the drink.:)
The second brunette says, "I'll have a J and C" - and the bartender says, "A Jack and Coke coming right up!" and serves her the drink.:D
The is sitting there, thinking about what she wants to order, and finally says, "I'll have a 15!" The bartender looks at her and says,"I'm sorry, but I don't know what a '15' is?"
The blonde says, "You know - 7 and 7!":confused:
LOL! Haven't heard this one yet. :D
LOL! Haven't heard this one yet. :D
Neither have I...Damn!:cool: I must be getting old...rrrrrr... NOT smarter....just older....
Wow this is an old thread...brings back memories....hehehe...! Oh Ya'll know who you are...:lifter
Holly
Who knows the true definition of a Redhead?
A Blonde from Hell
A blond and a brunette were on opposing sides of a war. During battle the blond threw a hand grenade into the brunette's foxhole. The brunette picked it up, pulled the pin, and threw it back.
Two blonds were standing on opposite sides of a river. One yells to the other "How do you get to the other side?" The second blond yells back "You ARE on the other side!"
armymom1228
02-11-2010, 20:40
Who knows the true definition of a Redhead?
A Blonde from Hell
:eek::rolleyes:
A blonde drives out of the dealership with a brand new corvette. While she is on the interstate she cuts off a trucker. The trucker flashes his lights and gets the blonde to pull over.
When she does he notices that she's blonde. He draws a circle on the ground a few feet away from her car and says "Stand in this circle and don't move no matter what." The blonde does as she's told. The trucker grabs a baseball bat and proceeds to bust out all the windows in the Corvette.
When he looks back the blonde is giggling. This makes the trucker furious, so he goes back to the car and continues beating on it.
When he turns around the blonde is laughing so hard she can't breathe. The trucker says "You think that's funny, huh?" and continues to beat the car into submission. When he turns around the blonde is rolling on the ground laughing.
The trucker finally asks her why the hell she's laughing and the blonde replies "When you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle!":D
-told to me by my brother.