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Hoss
07-07-2007, 20:45
Hey guys. I've been tooling around this site for quite a while... by far the best source of information I have come across yet. I have been graduated from college with a Criminal Justice degree for a year and am pretty seriously considering enlisting with an 18x option. I have been dating a girl going on 3 years now and she just graduated college in May. We are moving out of our college town, and are trying to get out lives together and figure out what we are going to do. I was really hoping to get some advice on what to say to her to help ease her extreme fears about even talking about me enlisting. I have read the stickys and the link to the families, but I know as just a girlfriend, there wont be able to relocate her or anything like that. I am also curious about how much communication, and what kind, I will be able to have during training, the Q course, and after while on delpoyments. How much time would I realistically be able to see her if she doesnt live on base? Would I be able to propose and have time to have a wedding during the 5 or more year contract? Any advice or experiences would be tremendously appreciated.

RTK
07-07-2007, 20:52
Hey guys. I've been tooling around this site for quite a while... by far the best source of information I have come across yet. I have been graduated from college with a Criminal Justice degree for a year and am pretty seriously considering enlisting with an 18x option. I have been dating a girl going on 3 years now and she just graduated college in May. We are moving out of our college town, and are trying to get out lives together and figure out what we are going to do. I was really hoping to get some advice on what to say to her to help ease her extreme fears about even talking about me enlisting. I have read the stickys and the link to the families, but I know as just a girlfriend, there wont be able to relocate her or anything like that. I am also curious about how much communication, and what kind, I will be able to have during training, the Q course, and after while on delpoyments. How much time would I realistically be able to see her if she doesnt live on base? Would I be able to propose and have time to have a wedding during the 5 or more year contract? Any advice or experiences would be tremendously appreciated.


You obviously didn't graduate with a degree in Engilish.

Come on, man; you're making the criminal justice majors look bad.....

The Reaper
07-07-2007, 21:20
This has been flogged to death here, use the search button.

If you need an excuse not to try, a girlfriend is as good as any.

TR

Hoss
07-07-2007, 23:25
RTK - Unnecessary, Unprofessional, Unhelpful

TR - You're absolutely right, man. I shouldn't use her as an excuse not to do something I feel strongly about. Got me in a whole new mindset. I'll keep searching, and I'll make sure to exhaust all options before posting again. Thanks

RTK
07-08-2007, 00:27
RTK - Unnecessary, Unprofessional, Unhelpful

TR - You're absolutely right, man. I shouldn't use her as an excuse not to do something I feel strongly about. Got me in a whole new mindset. I'll keep searching, and I'll make sure to exhaust all options before posting again. Thanks

You asked the question. Therefore you aren't the judge of professionalism, neccessity, or what is helpful.

Bottom line is the same thing TR said. Find a new reason to join the army. Conventional or special, what you have isn't working.

glebo
07-08-2007, 07:07
seems its all about him, or her. They dont know what they're in for. If he's worried about those sorts of things, he wont do to good on a team, his mind will be elswhere, let alone going through training. As an instructor for 7 years, you can tell guys whose heads are in it, and those guys that are not. Every break alot of them run outside to "check in" with wifey or girl friend on their cell phones, and ask "what time will we be finished today?". Wonder how we did it without all this technology?!?! But...they are civilians and dont understand, they have no idea of the commitment and dedication it is going to take to be the best you can be. You must FOCUS.

*futuresoldier* you need to get your priorities straight if your gonna make up your mind, remember the old saying, "if the army wanted you to have a wife/girlfriend, they would have issued you one"!

EDIT: BTW, I have been married for 21 years and three kids, I have a wife that I could never have done the things I have without her support. However, her dad is SF(retired) also, she knew what she was getting into.

NousDefionsDoc
07-08-2007, 07:26
RTK - Unnecessary, Unprofessional, Unhelpful
Yes, that describes your post to a "T". That you don't get what he said is your problem, not his. Mouth off again and you'll be looking for your answers somewhere else.

TR - You're absolutely right, man. I shouldn't use her as an excuse not to do something I feel strongly about. Got me in a whole new mindset. I'll keep searching, and I'll make sure to exhaust all options before posting again. Thanks

He is not "man".

I'll answer your question for you based on probabilities. She will be miserable and start to resent you while you are in training. Upon graduation your ass will be in Iraq for a year. She will cheat, you'll hear about it, and that will be it. That is assuming of course that you graduate. If you don't, you will blame her, resent her and cheat - and that will be it.

If any question you have about Special Forces includes the word "girlfriend", you are neither focused nor ready.

Team Sergeant
07-08-2007, 08:36
If any question you have about Special Forces includes the word "girlfriend", you are neither focused nor ready.

Well put.;)

Team Sergeant

brandonm
07-08-2007, 09:40
I'm not on a team and hell I haven't gone to SFAS or Q course but I have a girlfriend. First thing I did right before we got serious is told her all about SF and exactly what that entails. Sent her to several websites such as this and made her read in depth about everything from training to deployments. At first she wasn't sure about SF, then as she read about it (especially the strong family support system) she became very supportive. All I can say, is if you really love her then give her the respect she deserves by telling her exactly what the SF life will be like (as much as you can) and let her make her own decision. I wish you the best of luck.

The Reaper
07-08-2007, 10:00
RTK - Unnecessary, Unprofessional, Unhelpful


Judging from the way you are treating a combat vet who could be your commander, you are not yet ready for prime time. His advice to do your best was not unnecessary, unprofessional, or unhelpful. It might be tolerable or understandable if you were a kid with a GED.

Enjoy the girlfriend, and get a civilian job you enjoy, save yourself (and us) some pain.

Please put up a note here when you have finished searching and reading all of the threads about SF wives, girlfriends, and relationships.

Brandon, as you noted, you haven't actually done anything yet but get a girlfriend. When you have a beret, at least one marriage, and a few years in, then you can dispense SF relationship advice here. Till then, I would refrain from answering SF questions.

TR

brandonm
07-08-2007, 10:05
Will do, bowing out.

lksteve
07-08-2007, 10:25
When you have a beret, at least one marriage, and a few years in, then you can dispense SF relationship advice here.at which point, you will defer because once in possession of all the above, you will realize that you don't understand all you know about relationships in general and women in particular...IMNSHO...

and then there's the whole "operator" thing...

RTK
07-08-2007, 10:51
Here's the deal, Future Soldier (doubtful, by the way):

Whether you're going SF or not, the military needs people who are dedicated to the job they're assigned to. Whether you take the path that leads to Special Forces or you follow the conventional path as I did into a combat arms MOS you'd better have your priorities straight.

So lets recap.

Clearly, in your 3 posts thus far you have not demonstrated an ounce of situational awareness, attention to detail, or the humility required of someone who is evidently learning. You admit to hate exercise and only enjoy it due to the feeling YOU get out of it. You're a college graduate who works as a doorman in Georgia. You've been going out with a girl for 3 years and you're asking complete strangers for advice on whether or not to propose. The tone of your post is all about YOU.

Speaking as a former reconnaissance troop commander with two combat tours, you're exactly the type of person I didn't need in my troop.

This isn't your high school football team where you can decide when to bring it and when to mail it in. We need people dedicated to the organization they're part of, the way of life and discipline required of them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

This isn't UFC and it ain't pro wrestling. False bravado will get you nowhere around here. In our game, people die, plain and simple. I don't want to worry about one of my soldiers who is spending his time worrying if his path in life is appeasing Household 6. I want someone dedicated. If you can't be that, enjoy your career as a bouncer. That's about all you have to look forward to.

NousDefionsDoc
07-08-2007, 15:38
I'm not on a team and hell I haven't gone to SFAS or Q course but I have a girlfriend. First thing I did right before we got serious is told her all about SF and exactly what that entails. Sent her to several websites such as this and made her read in depth about everything from training to deployments. At first she wasn't sure about SF, then as she read about it (especially the strong family support system) she became very supportive. All I can say, is if you really love her then give her the respect she deserves by telling her exactly what the SF life will be like (as much as you can) and let her make her own decision. I wish you the best of luck.
Good for you. Go do PT.

NousDefionsDoc
07-08-2007, 15:41
Will do, bowing out.
And the fooked up thing is you knew what was going to happen when you posted it, didn't you?

Hoss
07-08-2007, 17:48
I think I'm finished researching the question. Just wanted to say thanks to all the other posts, I did learn a lot. Three things in particular

(1) I HAVE to prioritize. If I cannot clear out all other distractions, girlfriend, family, ect, than I am not ready to commit or am not made out for the lifestyle required

(2) If I If I am ready to commit, then I have to commit 100%, to preparing for the Q, getting through the Q, and then the mission ahead. All of this without distractions, because any distraction that takes my mind off of the job will endanger my life or the lives of the men fighting next to me.

(3) Be very, very careful about questions or posts in the future ;)

Thanks again to all of the posts and the advice. I am here to learn, so I will continue to do so for a while longer.

kgoerz
07-08-2007, 22:46
After a couple of years on a Team you will change. You will be working with Educated people and more importantly Smart people. Simply put you will become a more worldly person. The home town Girl you married will not be as interesting as before. The conversations you two have will become boring to you. You will grow up in a lot of different ways. She will be the same person. IMO this is the reasons a lot of marriages in SF fail.
Thats why a Lot of guys who go SF are accused of thinking they are better then their friends. It's not true. The SF Guy just out grew his friends.

x SF med
07-10-2007, 12:04
I think I'm finished researching the question. Just wanted to say thanks to all the other posts, I did learn a lot. Three things in particular

(1) I HAVE to prioritize. If I cannot clear out all other distractions, girlfriend, family, ect, than I am not ready to commit or am not made out for the lifestyle required

(2) If I If I am ready to commit, then I have to commit 100%, to preparing for the Q, getting through the Q, and then the mission ahead. All of this without distractions, because any distraction that takes my mind off of the job will endanger my life or the lives of the men fighting next to me.

(3) Be very, very careful about questions or posts in the future ;)

Thanks again to all of the posts and the advice. I am here to learn, so I will continue to do so for a while longer.


You still don't get it. All your prioritizing, clearing distractions, etc will not make you SF. SFAS is a step, a preliminary allowance by men who know what it takes to do the job, acceptance to be able to train with them. SFQC is a step, a constant microscope, actually a jeweler's loupe, looking for flaws, and if major flaws are found, you go from front counter merchandise (SF) to industrial grinding stock (Infantry) without polishing. SFQC is the cutting and polishing of the gems and the discarding of the non gem quality rocks that make it through. SFAS does a very good job of sifting and classifying the raw stock, but it is the preliminary grading of the material.

You cannot make yourself SF, you have it inside, and it gets recognized, or you don't - that's why it is called Special.

You will have distractions, that's part of life. How do you overcome them? that's SF. Prioritizing? The Team and the mission and being the absolute best at what you do. It is not all about you, or how you look to others, or being a big bad Green Beret, sorry kid, that's the difference between you and the QPs - even thought they've earned the right to a huge ego, there's no need for it. You still want to feed yours - SF is not the place to accomplish that goal.