View Full Version : Handling Break Ups..
Hey all. I have talked to a few people that have been special forces for 15+ years prior to deploying and majority of them have gone thru multiple marriages. Well I am not in any group, but I am deployed. Two weeks after I got back into the BIAP area ater R&R, my girlfriend of 6 years whom I was going to propose to upon Demobing cheated on me with a Ranger and we have broken up and she has gotten together with him.
I was just wondering if any of you all have been in my shoes how did you effectively maintain focus on the day ahead and accomplishing the task ahead of you. It is tough out here because we are doing detainee ops 12 hours on 12 hours off and there isn't too much to occupy my mind with other than books. Any information, advice, or encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Just trying to effectively move on and the first step was to dedicate myself to preparing for SFAS and making contact with guys at 19th group in WA. I am looking to get rid of the relapses and memories which I keep thinking about. It sucks. I guess time heals all wounds, ehh. Sorry for rambling.
RB
82ndtrooper
04-05-2007, 17:04
My 1stSG told me once "There are three things that will fook up a soldier" My reply "What are they" his reply "Booze, Broads, and Broads" Stay away from all three !!
Snaquebite
04-05-2007, 17:11
Well, I'm sorry to hear of your misfortune, however after 3 bad marriages in which the wife was the unfaithful one...I will offer this.....
Feel Lucky that it happened before you got married.
She'll probably figure out she screwed up, but she dosen't deserve you.
Don't try to get back together with her, she'll in all probability do it again.
Keep your eyes open, but don't go hunting; the right girl WILL come along.
I KNOW...I am now married again and we not only love each other but are BEST friends.
I'm sure you'll get more advice.
thanks all. yeah i was so close to popping the question but didn't want to do it before I came right back over. I am not sure if we will get back together as we are not on talking terms at the moment. I am trying to avoid having relapses as much as possible.
I don't hunt girls too often. For the last six years I have been quite tame by her haha. It helps alot that I am trying to dedicate majority of my time to reading up on things that will help me in selections and to get mentally and physically stronger.
rb...sorry to hear that this has happened.
If I may, I'll tell you what I've told countless young men I've written over the years when they have poured their hearts out to me about a cheating spouse/gf etc. It always breaks my heart to hear about this kind of thing and some of the stories would curl my hair...if it wasn't already curly. ;)
It won't take away the pain you're feeling at the moment, but the best "revenge" is living well. Take care of yourself, keep yourself focused in all ways.
I bet someone will probably be along shortly to suggest you do extra PT, since you mentioned preparing for SFAS. :D
Not making light...just that a little levity sometimes helps... Good luck and stay safe.
First, since you're working detainee ops, make sure it doesn't effect how you're doing your job - that's a good way down a bad path.
Second, if you think it's gonna effet your job and you have a good relationship with your first line, have a sit down for a talk. Chances are, if he's worth a damn, he'll listen.
Third, take the anger out on a set of weights, the track, or whatever other physical activity you like. You'll be amazed how good it feels to get that aggression out.
My fiancee dumped me after I got out of Airborne school in July 1998. I got in really good shape after that. 6 months later I met my wife who I've been with almost 9 years now. Be patient and, like Snaquebite said, wait for the right one - she'll eventually come around. Good luck.
yeah i have kicked up the PT quite a bit. Hitting the gym everyday and rucking 6 miles every other day with 3 mile runs on the days in between. It has helped alot
Well, let us know if you need any more reading material.
Or homemade cookies...though that would be contraindicated for any positive PT results. :D
82ndtrooper
04-05-2007, 17:35
Here's a thread by NDD. Worry about this much later after SFAS and the "Q"
http://www.professionalsoldiers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3071&highlight=marriages
Hate to say it but these things happen (at least to guys like me). It took me about two years of marriage before I canned the PACE E&E plan I figured out if it all went tits up. That said, all is well now. Moral of the story for you is that even though it sucks now, it will get better. Keep the faith and drive on.
When you get back, fire me a PM and I'll make sure you get in contact with the folks in A Co.
Good Luck
Books
I had a GF thru my 2nd afghanistan deployment... found out she was cheating on me as I was flying back and forth between nevada on red cross messages about my dad being in the ICU. Found out about her cheating on me after my father passed on and I was in nevada, canned her on the spot myself.
Women are trouble, until you find the right one, or the right one finds you.
I'm now happily married with the perfect woman. Don't sweat this one, if she cut sling load it was for the better for you anyway.
Well, let us know if you need any more reading material.
Or homemade cookies...though that would be contraindicated for any positive PT results. :D
thats a yes on both of those :) im always looking to expand my knowledge and could do so with a snack or two by my side :p
Radar Rider
04-05-2007, 21:22
upon Demobing cheated on me with a Ranger and we have broken up and she has gotten together with him.
A ranger? Park or Texas?
Peregrino
04-05-2007, 22:35
It won't take away the pain you're feeling at the moment, but the best "revenge" is living well.
Gypsy hit the nail on the head. Now that you've adjusted the PT routine to compensate (sublimate) it's time to sit down and write that Ranger a HEARTFELT Thank You note. That idiot (she did it to you, she'll eventually do it to him) just saved you untold tens of thousands of dollars and a few wasted years of your life. To put it in perspective: that's a wedding, honeymoon, years of supporting her, possible children and all the entailed expenses, counselling, divorce lawyers, property settlements, alimony, child support, etc., etc. that you won't have to pay for now (at least not to that one). Now move out and have fun with the rest of your life. FWIW - women outnumber men and if you've got anything on the ball you're a hot commodity (in other words - there's a lot more where that one came from). The lessons this one taught you will serve good stead when the next one comes along. My .02 - Peregrino
Goggles Pizano
04-06-2007, 06:49
My 1stSG told me once "There are three things that will fook up a soldier" My reply "What are they" his reply "Booze, Broads, and Broads" Stay away from all three !!
+1
I wise old sage gave me this same advice moons ago. Back then it was "booze, cooz, and snooze"!:p
Fear not blackshear, when you least expect you will bump into your best friend for life. Good luck and fook the broad that left-she was not worth it and now she is someone else's headache.
The Reaper
04-06-2007, 07:43
You guys have it wrong.
The three things in the Army that get soldiers into the most trouble are the three Ws.
Women.
Whiskey.
Weapons.
RB, if she was doing this now, what would she have been doing while you were at Camp MacKall? Where would your head be during training? What would you do when you found out? What would she be doing while you were on a six-month deployment? What would you do if she told you that if you went to SF training, she was leaving you?
I see way too many kids letting the little head think for the big one. Twenty years from now, if you make it through training, you will still have the SF Tab and be able to say that you stood with the best. You probably won't have the same woman.
The ladies have it right. The best revenge is living well. When you get back, go out, have a good time, date around for a while, and don't get too serious about anyone. Eventually, the right one will find you.
Hasta la bye-bye, baby. Now send the Ranger a nice thank you note and cut this skank away like a bad parachute.
TR
Yeah i talked to the ranger a while ago and he was saying he was sorry and was going to fix things but of course he went back on his word. I will write him a nice little letter at your guy's request. and thanks reaper for putting things in perspective. Its kind of funny as she has been pushing me to go to selections for the last couple of years but I was not able to commit 100% to the preparation as I am now. Makes me think why.
I appreciate the support and advice greatly
RB
Sionnach
04-06-2007, 08:51
Yeah i talked to the ranger a while ago and he was saying he was sorry and was going to fix things but of course he went back on his word. I will write him a nice little letter at your guy's request. and thanks reaper for putting things in perspective. Its kind of funny as she has been pushing me to go to selections for the last couple of years but I was not able to commit 100% to the preparation as I am now. Makes me think why.
I appreciate the support and advice greatly
RB
We've all heard this before, but... there are a LOT of women out there. Read, study, do PT, ruck, etc, and I promise you this woman will become less important as you focus on other tasks. Keep your mind busy. Every time I thought I had "the one," when it ended, I met "the next one."
Keep your head up and your mind busy!
Edited: Bad SA.
Team Sergeant
04-06-2007, 09:16
My 1stSG told me once "There are three things that will fook up a soldier" My reply "What are they" his reply "Booze, Broads, and Broads" Stay away from all three !!
The next time you answer for "us" there will be problems.
Team Sergeant
NousDefionsDoc
04-06-2007, 09:40
Good riddance. She would have been a training distractor. Go do PT.
The military life in and of it's self is not good on young people who marry.
The young wife is taken from all she knows and plopped down at some military base in a state she's never been to. Add a child and hubby deployed, the sob story starts. A young wife with no kids? The trips out for company starts.
The larger military units do a fairly good job with family support. SF can be kind of hit and miss.
But that is because of the wives. A conventional unit has a large number of "real" young wives. Just based on age and training of the soldiers I'd bet the young SF wives are a good 5 years older than conventional wives. Add in that the older wives do fairly well while hubby is gone. It's the getting backpart that's hard.
When you pick a mate for a military life find one that can and has lived on her own and can get things done without you. Those young child brides fresh out of high school need a few years of seasoning.
A bad girl friend who dumps you is like a splinter. Pull it out, spit on it, wipe it off and drive on. Plenty of fish in the sea, just set a new hook in a better spot.
Pete
+2 and holding.
NousDefionsDoc
04-06-2007, 10:41
Pete,
You forgot "Rub dirt on it" - the dirt is important.;)
Pete,
You forgot "Rub dirt on it" - the dirt is important.;)
Noted :D hope Iraqi sand does the trick
Noted :D hope Iraqi sand does the trick
If you're doing your job as you wipe the spit off on your leg you'll get a nice brownish black mud smear. That's the dirt and it is important to get the dirt on the wound.
Now go out there and drive on.
Pete
+2 and holding
rb.,
I am just answering for the female genre...You will find a match someday...
there are those of us women who value integrity, and honesty...so take heart. ;)
Holly
AngelsSix
04-09-2007, 21:29
Amen......A Gal knows when to stand by her man. There are plenty out there. Work first, play later......if she is worth it, she will be there when the work is done.
The "ex" is just that, "past" is just that.
As previously stated (bears repeating), YOU are better off. Focus on YOU and what YOU need to do. Plan your work, work your plan.
thanks for the words of wisdom and encouragement. it means a lot to me to have support of people I do not know personally. There are very few people that I associate with that have been through break ups so the advice and support they offer is taken with a grain of salt. I am doing my best to move on and to focus on my 50m target and not worry about the trail that is behind me.
RB
82ndtrooper
04-10-2007, 20:01
thanks for the words of wisdom and encouragement. it means a lot to me to have support of people I do not know personally. There are very few people that I associate with that have been through break ups so the advice and support they offer is taken with a grain of salt. I am doing my best to move on and to focus on my 50m target and not worry about the trail that is behind me.
RB
Hoped the PM's helped brother. Stay focused.
Hoped the PM's helped brother. Stay focused.
sure did :)