View Full Version : This is great [the first time]
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
:D OH MAN THAT'S GREAT ! one point for the males WOOT !
Scimitar
02-18-2007, 10:06
Sheer genius
Sionnach
02-18-2007, 14:07
That is awesome!
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
Sir,
Respectfully, after reading that, I must say that there are a few of us women who would enjoy spoling our men. :lifter
Holly
Sir,
Respectfully, after reading that, I must say that there are a few of us women who would enjoy spoling our men. :lifter
Holly
I've never been spoled. Sounds painful.
I've never been spoled. Sounds painful.
I think I was once...but I don't want to talk about it!:eek:
Sheer genius
+1 LMAO!!!!
Stolen too. :p
x SF med
02-21-2007, 11:10
Sir,
Respectfully, after reading that, I must say that there are a few of us women who would enjoy spoling our men. :lifter
Holly
Isn't that what NDD does with that pointy stick with the nail in the end - OUCH!!!
82ndtrooper
02-21-2007, 12:37
Nothing like getting the mouth salivating only to have that piece of meat swiftly taken away and thrown into the garbage.
Genius !!:D
incommin
02-21-2007, 13:38
Cold shower, anyone?
Jim
Irish_Army01
02-21-2007, 17:56
And it only get worse when your married..LOl:D
Beach Bum
02-21-2007, 21:04
Holly, I agree with you! :)
It was a cute story though!
That was very funny am going to print that out for the wife. Dont think she will find it as funny, but thats ok.
Yeah, thats going straight to the Wife's inbox, she'll get a kick outta that!
LibraryLady
02-28-2007, 07:54
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
Hmm...
Either? Shouldn't that be NEVER?
LMAO
LL
TheRider
03-01-2007, 15:44
And it only get worse when your married..LOl:D
I thought you didn't get to have sex anymore after you were married?:confused:
I'm going to try this. Hopefully I won't die.
Irish_Army01
03-01-2007, 22:46
I thought you didn't get to have sex anymore after you were married?:confused:
Exactly my point!!!:p :D
The Reaper
03-01-2007, 23:41
I thought you didn't get to have sex anymore after you were married?:confused:
You probably won't.:D
At least not with anyone else.
TR
Isn't that what NDD does with that pointy stick with the nail in the end - OUCH!!!
Sir,
Respectfully, I wouldn't know, since NDD scares me on site of his posts! :D
Holly
This was written by a guy... it's pretty damn smart. Girls -- Have a sense of humor!
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
:D Read this before, still funny if you ask me!
:D Read this before, still funny if you ask me!
Ma'am.....you're a rare breed just like my wife. She thought it was great and laughed pretty good.
Two down.......a few billion to go!! :D
Ma'am.....you're a rare breed just like my wife. She thought it was great and laughed pretty good.
Two down.......a few billion to go!! :D
Rare indeed, there are a few of us out there that get it. :D :cool:
shadowwalker
08-14-2007, 22:16
I guess I am a rare breed also. I loved it and the irony. Seems Like tit for tat to me. Quite ingenious.
Seems Like tit for tat to me.
Why oh why do they tempt me so?
shadowwalker
08-14-2007, 23:23
Why oh why do they tempt me so?
:confused: I must be blond today.
Dominus_Potior
08-15-2007, 01:16
Why oh why do they tempt me so?
Your preaching to the dirtyminded choir. I could run with that for so long.
Your preaching to the dirtyminded choir. I could run with that for so long.
RLMAO! Agree with Gypsy...:cool:
Holly
I'm guessing any females who post or read this board probably see the humor in that (and the truth). :D
Team Sergeant
08-15-2007, 15:33
:D Read this before, still funny if you ask me!
yes you did....
http://www.professionalsoldiers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=13471
Why oh why do they tempt me so?
I almost typed that response from shadowwalker myself...but I know my audience. :D
RiotMaker
08-16-2007, 20:57
a buddy sent this to me in an e-mail.....
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.lol
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
For crying out loud people, get a clue! I just merged this same joke that was posted three separate times into this one thread! We had seen the joke early this year, but yet the same joke was posted two days ago and again today!
Ya'll may want to read a bit here (http://www.professionalsoldiers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=15409&highlight=situational+awareness) and then use what you learned before we do something you won't like.
RiotMaker
08-17-2007, 05:30
For crying out loud people, get a clue! I just merged this same joke that was posted three separate times into this one thread! We had seen the joke early this year, but yet the same joke was posted two days ago and again today!
Ya'll may want to read a bit here (http://www.professionalsoldiers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=15409&highlight=situational+awareness) and then use what you learned before we do something you won't like.
With all due respect Dan, reposting the same joke is no reason for any threats. Jokes just circulate on the internet, and if it comes across someone's way for the first time, we like to share with it everyone else.
I guess it didn't dawn on me to use the search button for a joke. And I guess I'm dumb for not tying in situational awareness to joke telling. But I understand your frustration for having to go through all that trouble to merge my post into another one.
I will never post another joke again, for fear of people on this board already having heard it.
My sincere apologies.
Very respectfully,
RiotMaker
Kyobanim
08-17-2007, 05:59
With all due respect Dan, reposting the same joke is no reason for any threats. Jokes just circulate on the internet, and if it comes across someone's way for the first time, we like to share with it everyone else.
This isn't your house. Follow the rules. One of those rules is always use the search button. Jokes are no exception.
I guess it didn't dawn on me to use the search button for a joke. And I guess I'm dumb for not tying in situational awareness to joke telling. But I understand your frustration for having to go through all that trouble to merge my post into another one.
You didn't even need to use the search button, TS did it for you and posted his results; 2 posts above yours.
SA isn't something you turn on and off. It should always be on, regardless of what you're doing. Practice makes perfect.
cszakolczai
09-29-2008, 19:08
stole this from nycmax/another car site
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least she knows I'm smarter than her.
Chris
A little over a month from the last re-posting of the same "story"; thanks cszakolczai, I'm sure we forgot how funny it was ....
cszakolczai
09-29-2008, 20:22
A little over a month from the last re-posting of the same "story"; thanks cszakolczai, I'm sure we forgot how funny it was ....
Sorry, I didnt know how to search for this to see if anyone else posted it. It was titled very differently where I found it and thus my search for the thread came back as no hits. I don't believe that anyone is reposting these jokes for fun, we are merely reposting them due to the fact everyone titles their thread differently and when we search, or at least when I searched, I came back with nothing. I was merely trying to give a good laugh to some people. Sorry to upset you.
Did you consider searching for relatively unique terms in the body of the joke, like passion, jewelry, emotional needs, or other terms you most likely wouldn't find in many posts on an SF website?
Remember, a mind is a terrible thing to waste.
ZonieDiver
09-30-2008, 09:09
Did you consider searching for relatively unique terms in the body of the joke, like passion, jewelry, emotional needs, or other terms you most likely wouldn't find in many posts on an SF website?
Remember, a mind is a terrible thing to waste.
What about the old "star sapphire" ring? :D