Let me set the scene for you kind readers of this great bulletin board:
As if it is coming from every corner of the universe – you can hear it – the William Tell Overture, slowly building until you can feel the music in your chest...
...a thundering exhaust note that “sounds” like a Harley-Davidson, but weaker, and out of tune.
Suddenly, six shots ring out...
...no wait – that was six backfires from a poorly built 45 degree, V-Twin motorcycle engine !!!
A fiery motorcycle, with the speed of smell, a cloud of smoke, and a hearty "Hey, a shovel head”
The Lone Biker and his trusty steed, The AMF Harley!
With it’s faithful Indian companion, the 900cc Chief, the anemic and poorly built Hog led the fight for market share in the dirty smelly hippy era of the United States. Nowhere in the pages of history can one find a greater example of brand-marketing injustice.
Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear. From out of the past come the sputtering exhaust notes of the AMF Harley.
Ah yes, the Hardly Ableson – sold to American Machine and Foundry in 1969. The good ole’ AMF - one of the United States' largest recreational equipment companies; known for recreational equipment like the automated cigarette making machine, garden equipment, bowling balls, bicycles, tennis racquets, garden equipment, yachts, atomic reactors, and the venerable Harley-mother-fucking-Davidson motorcycle.
American Machine and Foundry; a company that had become a major part of what was once referred to by US President Dwight D Eisenhower as “The Military Industrial complex” but lets not be TOO judgey about the badge worn by the 1969-1981 Hog family. Evel Knievel rode AMF Harley Davidson's. He started riding an XR-750 in 1970.
Every single XR-750 that Evel Knievel crashed into the earth was built and designed by AMF. The XR-750 spent all but the last few years of her life badged as an AMF; you’ve heard of her – the winningest motorcycle in the history of American Motorcyclist Association sanctioned racing.
...that’s right, an AMF Harley went on to win the most races in AMA history.
Of course – that part about Evel Knievel crashing on them doesn’t really help sell the AMF Harley brand considering his first “jump” was over a crate full of rattlesnakes and two mountain lions while riding a 250cc Honda – soooo...
...well - fuck Honda - this isn’t about them.
He also tried jumping a Norton – they sucked. He jumped a Bonneville T120 for awhile and the shitty shitty shitty...
...oh so shitty, motorcycle suspension almost killed him when he landed on the far side safety ramp of the fountains at Caesars place. It wasn’t until he started jumping an AMF built Harley Davidson that he began crashing in style. His record of 19 cars – jumped on a AMF Harley XR-750, stood for 27 years. Of course, it was also an AMF that he crashed into a pile of 13 Pepsi Cola delivery trucks. (Probably due to 13 being an unlucky number and not because of the AMF badge on his flying machine.) Only on an AMF motorcycle, could a daredevil safely jump over a line of cars and then get bucked off and ran over by his mount like he was riding a wild rampaging Brahma bull.
Evel Knievel rode a Harley-Davidson XR-750 and actually made his last attempted motorcycle jump on an XR-750. He lost control of his motorcycle and crashed into the cameraman. It wasn’t the crash (or the fact that it happened while riding an AMF Harley Davidson) it was the guilt over the injuries to the poor innocent cameraman that stopped Evel Knievel from jumping his motorcycles ever again. Evel Knievel was about to jump over “the world’s largest indoor saltwater pool” and that pool was going to be filled with sharks. That’s right bitches – Evel Knievel’s career officially ended while trying to jump some sharks. The man was trying to jump a shark - on an AMF era Harley Davidson.
Evel Knievel tried to jump a shark.
On an AMF era Harley Davidson.
That is all.
You may return to your regularly scheduled programming now. Have a nice day.
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Opinions stated in this post are solely those of the author, and in no way reflect the opinions or policies of The Department of Defense, The United States Army, The Royal Canadian Mounted Police, The Screen Actors Guild, The Boy Scouts, The Good, The Bad, or The Ugly. These opinions are provided purely as overly sarcastic social commentary and are not meant to be used for mission planning or navigation.
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