Essay Advice?

[Dozer523]

Originally Posted by ZonieDiver

Dozer! What a nice guy! If I Fed-Ex all the essays my students wrote yesterday, could you get them graded and back to me by Monday at 10 a.m.? I have a busy weekend planned! Thanks in advance...

Piece a cake.

[ZonieDiver]

Essay advice requested. This is the response I got from a Junior student to this essay question on a district-provided CRT test -

Background:
You are a teacher and must explain to your students the meaing of Manifest Destiny and how different territories of the nation were acquired from 1803 to 1853.
Purpose:
You will choose three of the following acquisitions to expain Manifest Destiny (be sure to explain how the territory was acquired): the Louisiana Purchase (1803), Texas (1845), Oregon (1846), California and the Mexican Cession (1848), the Gadsden Purchase (1853).
Writer's Role:
You are writing your lesson so that you can explain Manifest Destiny to your students and how territory was acquired from 1803-1853.
Audience:
Your students.
Form:
You are writing lesson notes in the form of a five paragraph essay.
FCA's:
1. Clear position statement (2 points)
2. Define Manifest Destiny (2 points)
3. Explain how three of the territories were acquired (6 points)

NOTE: This comes from the district. I am NOT authorized to change a word or puncutation mark.

Student's response:

What does "Manifest Destiny" mean? Not too many people know that word. If I'm a teacher, I'm gonna explain by tell a story, watch a history movie, and use the example.
Most teachers use a story to explain to their student to understand a word. I think it's a great ideas to explain a word, it will be fun to talk about it.
The movie can easy to help a student who can't speak English like me, the movie can tell too many details to help people understand anything they want.
Last reason is example. It's a easy way to explain many word but make sure all students understand it before ask the question.
In conclusion, this is the best way to explain or ask the student a meaning of a word. For me, I don't understand that word but I'll try hard to find out and explain to my students.

The student in question is an male African immigrant in "Transition" ELL. He is very bright, can converse well on many topics, does well on multiple choice-type tests, and has a burning desire to learn English - adapt to the USA - and become a US citizen.

Grades???

[frostfire]

ZonieDiver,

how old is he?
what is the grading criteria? The FCA's? If yes, then F.
If he's graded on both English (language arts) and ideas (thought process), then C+. My head hurts reading that response. While grammar and vocabulary are not my forte, coherence and flow of ideas are two points I'm very anal with.

[Sigaba]

Originally Posted by Dozer523

The Hell with that! I went to college to get away from Mom and Dad, drink, meet pretty girls and get an ROTC commission.

I scoffed at that equation every time I read it in the course catalog or heard some old timer--sorry Gypsy--mention it during an introductory lecture. On the other hand, I always understood that if I didn't like the grade I received, it was because I'd made a choice to work, to socialize, or to build another brick wall on the basketball court.

Originally Posted by ZonieDiver

If I Fed-Ex all the essays my students wrote yesterday, could you get them graded and back to me by Monday at 10 a.m.?

This was an issue that always bothered me as a student. If we could write the essays in one night, why couldn't they be evaluated in one night?

Originally Posted by ZonieDiver

Essay advice requested.

<<SNIP>>

Grades???

Is it possible to give the student the least desirable grade of all--an Incomplete? And then a day or two to do the assignment correctly? IMO, the response reads like a punt more than an actual effort to do the assignment correctly.

[Costa]

I found a solution to grading!

[Dozer523]

Originally Posted by frostfire

ZonieDiver,

how old is he?
what is the grading criteria? The FCA's? If yes, then F.
If he's graded on both English (language arts) and ideas (thought process), then C+. My head hurts reading that response. While grammar and vocabulary are not my forte, coherence and flow of ideas are two points I'm very anal with.

May I decipher the response for you? (I'm not in my "Hancock' mode here, really.)

What does "Manifest Destiny" mean? Not too many people know that word. If I'm a teacher, I'm gonna explain by tell a story, watch a history movie, and use the example. The student is interpreting the question literally, the student has thought what he would do as a teacher to teach what the words Manifest Destiny is to a student that looks remarkably like the young man taking the test.
Most teachers use a story to explain to their student to understand a word. I think it's a great ideas to explain a word, it will be fun to talk about it. The movie can easy to help a student who can't speak English like me, the movie can tell too many details to help people understand anything they want. Last reason is example. It's a easy way to explain many word but make sure all students understand it before ask the question. These are three very effective ways to teach almost any concept. That is what the test asked for, isn't it? Look -- explain to your students the meaing of Manifest Destiny as a teacher. Literal Translation.
In conclusion, this is the best way to explain or ask the student a meaning of a word. For me, I don't understand that word but I'll try hard to find out and explain to my students. He never saw Manifest destiny as a concept (fairly unique to America concept -- most countries call it "land grab" Imperialism or "takin' our stuff".)

The most important line of this answer IMHO is, "I don't understand that word but I'll try hard to find out . . . " There is no way an F is appropriate because of the "Transition" ELL designation. But I don't know what the transition plan for the student is. I wonder if this year he could use all the classes as immersion and retake class like this one next year when his English is better. Give this kid an F and you'll crush him.

BTW how many of us can explain the effect of the apartheid on the indigenous population of Rhodesia / Zimbabwe? Of course not, well, probably not. Not to worry, it will be explained to you . . . in Shona.
Oh, and in Shona answer this question: "You are a teacher and must explain to your students the meaing of apartheid and how different territories of the nation were affected from 1903 to 1969." Good luck.

Question, what are his math grades like?

(See, no Hancock at all . . .I didn't even go near that "I'm very anal" or ending a sentence by dangling "with")

[Taktiq]

Guys,

When I posted that I understood. I did understand. I also stated I was looking for another topic, which as of this posting I am working on. Though I am a guest, there was also no need for the rest of those comments. Asking for a little harmless advice from people who obviously have a better grasp of the subject than myself, is just that...harmless.

While I may not have understood what people were talking about in regards to academic integrity, the issue was then explained and also understood.

So, the reply about copying and pasting information from another thread after searching for the word Aghanistan was completely uncalled for. And frankly, stupid and rather insulting.

[Richard]

My English professor assigned us with an essay that defines a problem and then proposes 3 possible solutions. It was supposed to be local or college focused in scope, but apparently since so few people turned anything in, and the end of the semester is coming, she just wants something written. I'm no scholar and it's probably half-a****, but the following is what I've proposed, and I figured/hoped you guys could give me some input. ANY help and/or criticism at this point would be welcome.

How can we possibly achieve success in Afghanistan?

Taktiq - sounds as if you (a) were an FTFSI in doing the original assignment as outlined by your professor and (2) got your wish from the members of this forum.

ZD - ahhh...the teracher's burden...I'd call the kid in for a verbal Q&A to see what he does know as he apparently did not understand the original assignment from the district as written, ensure he knows what is being asked and required of him, and give him a redo. I'd wager his second effort will be worth your efforts to support him.

Richard's $.02

[The Reaper]

Originally Posted by Taktiq

Guys,

When I posted that I understood. I did understand. I also stated I was looking for another topic, which as of this posting I am working on. Though I am a guest, there was also no need for the rest of those comments. Asking for a little harmless advice from people who obviously have a better grasp of the subject than myself, is just that...harmless.

While I may not have understood what people were talking about in regards to academic integrity, the issue was then explained and also understood.

So, the reply about copying and pasting information from another thread after searching for the word Aghanistan was completely uncalled for. And frankly, stupid and rather insulting.

I would mind my tone here, especially after asking for feedback.

TR

[frostfire]

Originally Posted by Dozer523

Question, what are his math grades like?

(See, no Hancock at all . . .I didn't even go near that "I'm very anal" or ending a sentence by dangling "with")

My way or the better way. Fire away with corrections as it will only help me in the long run and learning never ends. I was taught to worry once no one bothers to correct me.

I did get the gist of his response and I agree with Q&A, second chance to retake the grade/the class, but an F is an F. He could/should have asked for aid/clarification from friends, teacher, online research, jumped up and down, etc. if he had trouble understanding the grading criteria. I assume he did none of that. This is America. Along with the right to pursue happiness and all that good stuff, there also the less popular one: the right to fail. To experience F early in life under controlled conditions and plenty of support to bounce back is better than later on in college or at work. He'll get more than just a chance to improve language skills. He'll get a chance to develop an indomitable spirit.

FWIW, English is not my first language. I thought I was smart until I enrolled in a certain Institute of Technology and got my first F. I understood the material as I already learned it in highschool, but I misinterpreted the question. Another instance was when I had to give presentation on democracy, American Gov't, and such in a political science class. Looking back, that was one of the best thing ever happened to me. Out of it, I learned the value of humility and hardwork.

I'm also curious how he does in math.

[Dozer523]

Originally Posted by Taktiq

Guys,

When I posted that I understood. I did understand. I also stated I was looking for another topic, which as of this posting I am working on. Though I am a guest, there was also no need for the rest of those comments. Asking for a little harmless advice from people who obviously have a better grasp of the subject than myself, is just that...harmless.

While I may not have understood what people were talking about in regards to academic integrity, the issue was then explained and also understood.

So, the reply about copying and pasting information from another thread after searching for the word Aghanistan was completely uncalled for. And frankly, stupid and rather insulting.

OH, you can hardly imagine the remorse with which I struggle.
I was just trying to lighten things up a bit, since so many had called you a cheater. Of course, I assumed you got that. YOU DIDN'T! That is so disappointing.
Actually, my suggestion kinda peaked my interest and so far MY essay is kinda interesting.
You might notice we've moved beyond YOU in this thread.
That is a revealing signature BTW.

BTW there isn't too much harmless stuff out there, really.

TS: I know, I KNOW.... http://www.lashorasperdidas.com/wp-c...hancock-01.jpg TS: I tried, I TRIED!

[ZonieDiver]

Though I am a guest, there was also no need for the rest of those comments.

Taktiq,

One of the major rules about asking for advice is to be prepared for what follows. It may not always be to your liking. Many people seek advice from QPs here. People who will be training to follow in their footsteps. It is a journey that requires a great deal of honesty and integrity. There are times in that training when no one will be watching what they are doing - or not doing. Almost all answers here - to anyone - keep that fact in mind.

By the way, if you thought the responses were harsh, it is a very good thing you don't envision spending time in the military.