Daddy's Ten Rules

[Jack Moroney (RIP)]

Originally posted by Team Sergeant
With proper back planning it just might be enough time. My desire is to meet and greet my daughters would-be boyfriends and within minutes instill such an abnormal level of terror that they will require psychological rehabilitation for the rest of their lives.

TS

Absolutely. Several things used to work for me depending on what the target audience was. Sitting in plain view cleaning a firearm or sharpening a large knife was effective as was casually walking out to check out the car and providing instructions as necessary on what needed to be corrected before she even got into it.

Jack Moroney

[The Reaper]

Best job of boyfriend intimidation I ever saw was Remo, for those who know him.

Boyfriend/victim rolled up outside his quarters and tooted the horn for her.

That was the signal to commence what was probably the most terrifying 20 minutes of his life.

I would have paid money to watch what happened.

TR

[Smokin Joe]

Originally posted by The Reaper
Best job of boyfriend intimidation I ever saw was Remo, for those who know him.

Boyfriend/victim rolled up outside his quarters and toot the horn for her.

That was the signal to commence what was probably the most terrifying 20 minutes of his life.

I would have paid money to watch what happened.

TR

Sir, would you please share the story?

TS,

My father-in-law used to write said punk's name on shotgun shells. When the punk came over to pick up his daughter first thing he would show the kid was his gun cabinet, with his name written on a shotgun shell.

[Team Sergeant]

Originally posted by Smokin Joe

My father-in-law used to write said punk's name on shotgun shells. When the punk came over to pick up his daughter first thing he would show the kid was his gun cabinet, with his name written on a shotgun shell.

Ruthless, I like it.

I was thinking more along the lines of revealing to him the satellite photographs of where he currently lives and his signed confession stating that he was the man on the “grassy noll.”

TS

[The Reaper]

Joe:

Better if you knew him.

Black LTC at the time (now a retired BG), 6' 2" 260 or so, former body builder and professional boxer (was still boxing at that time), trained with Bonecrusher Smith.

Hip hop from car stereo heard inside the house anounces arrival, kid blows the horn, daughter comes running downstairs.

Remo sends the daughter back upstairs till he calls for her and goes out to meet the caller.

Saunters out with no shirt and leans heavily on the car by the driver, sitting it down a bit on the springs and asks him to turn his stereo down and if he can be of any assistance.

Kid mumbles that he is there to pick up Remo's daughter.

Remo asks him who he thinks he is, says I don't think so, and explains to him the proper protocol.

Makes the kid drive out of sight and come back to do it properly, by which point he is back in the house waiting.

Kid rings the doorbell, girl comes downstairs again, gets sent back up.

Remo opens the door and explains that she is not quite ready yet, come on in and have a seat.

Kid sits down, starts eyeballing all of the SF memorabilia on the walls, and the boxing trophies.

Remo ignores the kid, and asks me if I know where he can get a 75 round drum for an AK. Five minute gun/shooting/killing conversation ensues, IIRC culminating with some sort of show and tell with the AK, where he explains that there is no paper trail on the weapon, just in case he has to use it locally. Delivers short story about being the leader of a street gang in his home town (which is a little burg in Mississippi which happens to share the name of a large Eastern city, but fails to mention that).

Kid gets asked about whether he has ever killed a man, been in a gang, used drugs or alcohol, etc., answers all in the negative. Asked if he has ever been in trouble, followed by the "where are you planning to take my daughter", "who will be there", "how long you will be", etc.

Gets the answers generally right, so Remo excuses himself goes and checks on daughter, and tells her to come on down in a few minutes.

Sweats the kid for a few more minutes with questions about school, sports, etc., then releases them when the daughter appears with the usual pleasantries, but tapping the guy one the shoulder while his daughter is walking out the front door and giving him a big evil smile and a wink.

I think she was back home before we left.

TR

[Smokin Joe]

Thank you sir, that is great.

I would pay good money to see that.

after their first week of preschool our nanny came home and told me that she thinks one of our daughters had a "boyfriend" already.... an older boy of 4 1/2 who would push her around on a bicycle for two and hold her hand outside at playtime....

I don't think the team sergeant has as much time as he is hoping for but he has artfully avoided any playdates with the little boy over the summer...lol.

doc t.

[Bill Harsey]

Originally posted by Doc T
after their first week of preschool our nanny came home and told me that she thinks one of our daughters had a "boyfriend" already.... an older boy of 4 1/2 who would push her around on a bicycle for two and hold her hand outside at playtime....

I don't think the team sergeant has as much time as he is hoping for but he has artfully avoided any playdates with the little boy over the summer...lol.

doc t.

Keeping track of this over the next decade or so would make a great movie. You should sell the rights.

APPLICATION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER



Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history,
lineage, and current medical report from your physician.
Name:________________________ Date of Birth:_________________
Height:_________ Weight:__________ IQ:_________ GPA:__________
Social Security #:___________ Driver's License #: Number:_______
Boy Scout Rank:_________________ Telephone:___________________
Home Address:__________________________________________ ____
City:__________________________ State:__________ Zip:___________

1. Do you have one male and one female parent? ____
If "No", explain:

2. Number of years your parents have been married: ____
Any brothers or sisters? ____
Are they normal? ____

3. Do you own or have access to a van? ____
A truck with oversize tires? ____
A waterbed? ____

4. Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? ____

5. Do you have a tattoo? ____

If you have answered YES to #3, #4 or #5, discontinue
application and leave immediately.
6. In fifty words or less, what does Late mean to you?

7. In fifty words or less, what does Don't touch my daughter
mean to you?

8. In fifty words or less, what does Abstinence mean to you?

9. In fifty words or less, what does Real Pain mean to you?

10. Church/Temple you attend: ____________________________
How often do you attend: ____________________________
11. When would be the best time to interview your mother, father
and priest/rabbi?__________________________

12. Please fill in the blanks:

a. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want
wounded would be my ____________________________
b. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would
be my_____________________________

c. A woman's place is in the ____________________________
d. The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask is
______________________________

e. When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice about her
first is______________________________

Note: If answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and leave
premises--keeping your head low and running in a serpentine
fashion is advised.
13. What do you want to be if you grow up?



I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of
my knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment,
torture or mental abuse.
Signature of applicant _________________________________
Signature of father _____________________________________
Signature of mother ____________________________________
Signature of priest/rabbi ___________________________________
Signature of State Representative _________________________


Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual.

Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in
writing if approved. If denied, please never apply again. Don't
call me, I'll call you.

[Pandora]

Printed and posted on fridge.

Nice post.

[Ghostrider]

Rules and application printed, and sent out. I've got nieces age 3 and 6......I'm being a good uncle!

[NSDQ]

Thanks QRQ 30 for "Daddy's 10 Rules" also TR for the story of BG Remo I have daughters 6 & 1 & I know this day is right around the corner for me.

[Pete]

Originally Posted by NSDQ

Thanks QRQ 30 for "Daddy's 10 Rules" also TR for the story of BG Remo I have daughters 6 & 1 & I know this day is right around the corner for me.

Mine are twins and almost 17. Anybody, boyfriends or girlfriends, all come in the front door past the gun case. The first time they do they all give a little start when one of the girls point at a rifle and go "That ones mine, this is my sisters."

My girls like to see me talk with, "grill", new young gentlemen coming over. They like to see how they handle the pressure. I never make a big deal of it but the ones I didn't like never lasted more than 2 weeks anyway. Just takes the girls a bit longer to pick up on the lad's bad points.

[aricbcool]

Originally Posted by SpearmintRhino

13. What do you want to be if you grow up?

Nice.

[CoLawman]

Originally Posted by Doc T

after their first week of preschool our nanny came home and told me that she thinks one of our daughters had a "boyfriend" already.... an older boy of 4 1/2 who would push her around on a bicycle for two and hold her hand outside at playtime....

I don't think the team sergeant has as much time as he is hoping for but he has artfully avoided any playdates with the little boy over the summer...lol.

doc t.

ROFL!