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Old 11-14-2021, 23:08   #1
Box
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New TV Show

I’ve developed a new TV show - we are still working on casting a few B-list actors (can’t afford any big names on my budget) - but it’s going to be a big pop culture hit.

Law and Order: Routine Crimes Unit


It’s going to bounce around a bit - every other episode will be set in a different city - a city ran by liberals. The focus will be on an elite squad of detectives known as the Routine Crimes Unit.
No crime is too small for them to ignore - no situation too minor to be blown out of proportion…

You’re all gonna love it
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Last edited by Box; 11-16-2021 at 07:32.
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Old 11-15-2021, 08:43   #2
EricV
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I like this idea. I'll even volunteer to act in it. I'll work cheap, it'll save you money!! After all, I have some experience as a very low level politician!! So I guess I play the villain??

No crime is too small for them to ignore…


Mmm... I got it!! How's about a show where I litter a piece of bubble gum and the lead detective steps in it and can't get it off his shoe?? I envision lots of car chases and doors kicked in!!
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Old 11-16-2021, 02:35   #3
Old Dog New Trick
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Eric, I think you are too low in your estimations on what the new “Routine Crime” looks like.

The new “Routine Crime” is breaking and entering high end merchandise stores and clearing not only the shelves but the back rooms as well and running out the door with the electronic anti-theft tags hanging in the wind. Arson of someone’s life long dream to own a business and participate in the local community with goods and services. Assaulting elderly Asian people just because and, committing cold blooded murder anywhere and everywhere, even in broad daylight on crowded streets and subway stations surrounded by people who… won’t intervene, won’t report it 911, and are likely to video it and post up the attack on TikTok. Oh and armed car jacking and freeway shootings because well you know you had it coming…

Those are all now “Routine Crimes” where the amount of effort utilized by the police and the DA to find the perpetrators and bring them to justice just happens to be as popular as busting a shoplifter in California for walking into a CVS and filling up two garbage bags with what appears on face value to be less than $950.00 and not a penny more.

And there is no more rounding up the usual suspects, because that’s racist to put a diverse cross section of the local population up for the victim to identify. Speaking of “victims” that term too has become divisive and unethical because maybe they deserved what happened to them in the new “Routine Crime” categories.
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Old 11-16-2021, 08:01   #4
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Mmm... I got it!! How's about a show where I litter a piece of bubble gum and the lead detective steps in it and can't get it off his shoe??
That sounds like a “ripped from the headlines” quality plot - if you keep at it, you cold make some real money in this game. I’ll have my people talk to your people and maybe even squeeze a few bucks in royalties for you if you can flesh out the story a little more. I’ll keep the idea on the back burner for now.


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...breaking and entering high end merchandise stores and clearing not only the shelves but the back rooms as well and running out the door with the electronic anti-theft tags hanging in the wind. Arson of someone’s life long dream to own a business and participate in the local community with goods and services. Assaulting elderly Asian people just because and, committing cold blooded murder anywhere and everywhere, even in broad daylight on crowded streets and subway stations surrounded by people who… won’t intervene, won’t report it 911, and are likely to video it and post up the attack on TikTok. Oh and armed car jacking and freeway shootings because well you know you had it coming.
Bro – I know you are a QP so you are entitled to your opinion but that is some dark shit you just posted. I love you guys in a friendly internet kind of way but I think you should cruise down to the VA hospital and talk to someone. Talk to one of us on here if you just need to vent - spend some time with another QP and talk about things that calm your nerves - but you've got to release that hate my friend or it will eat you up inside.

The Routine Crimes Unit would never interfere with peoples god given rights to freedom of speech, freedom of the press; or more importantly, the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. Sure, RCU might bring the pain to a few violent MAGA hat wearing assholes every now and again, but that’s what you get for making wild claims about election fraud or deep state sedition.
C’mon man – you’re better than that.


Anyway – I’ll give you all a small taste of what to expect once my show debuts on your local Faux Entertainment Network...

Day One – fresh out of the academy and I’ve been assigned to the RCU - the 15th precinct - I am about to delve into the dark side if the seedy underworld crime network that plagues this great city.

Most cops spend years walking a beat before they can make it to the RCU – but me, I’m just too fucking awesome to walk a beat. I’m next level. I’ve got mad skills. I’m connected. More importantly – my family spent THOUSANDS of dollars helping the Mayor win reelection – so I’m ready. I’ve got a fresh hair cut and my one-line puns dealing with crime are as cold as a razor blade, tight as a tourniquet, dry as a funeral drum.

It's time for action bitches.

Our first call took us to a little bodega right across the street from the Metro-City-Giant-Mega-Mall to deal with a horrible sexual assault. We went 'berries and cherries' to get there ASAP since this case was going to be a booger. The 911 call came from the store owner reporting a male suspect WDAF (Walking Dangerously – Almost Falling) that was drunk and disorderly, but we knew better.

When we arrived on the scene it was worse than we thought. The suspect from the 911 call was actually a 6 foot 4 inch tall 220 pound female named Tony.
We had just walked in on one of the worst cases of misgendering I could imagine. Tony was in a fetal position in the corner crying her eyes out – it was sickening to hear her whimpering “its ma’am - I’m a ma’am damn you - MA'AM !!” its gut wrenching that in America in 2021 – even after Joe Brandon reuniting the country - that we would still have violent hate crimes like this happening in our great city but here we were.

This beautiful behemoth of a woman, her dainty purple beard peeking out from under her bikini style COVID mask, was just a lump of abused mush, reduced to tears in the corner of some two-bit bodega. Her chiseled frame was about to split the seams of her extra medium Under Armor T-shirt but there was no doubt from the curly blue hair and pink hair clip, that the shop owner had intentionally misgendered this poor oppressed woman.

The store owner indignantly uttered, “Officer, can you please get this dude out of my shop. He comes in here every day and scares the crap out of my customers. He’s a nuisance.” My blood ran cold – the patriarchy was once again demonstrating its privilege - a false 911 call claiming that a drunk ‘man’ was causing a scene only to find out that the store owner was discriminating against women customers, and worst of all – intentionally misgendering – and now he has the nerve to misgender his victim right to my face three times in one sentence. Boiling with rage – I blacked out.

I woke up in the booking room about an hour later. It appears my blackout was caused by a sudden fit of uncontrollable rage. I had pulled my D-Cell Maglite from my belt and gave the bodega owner a flashlight-shampoo that isn’t going to rinse out any time soon. It’s a good thing that my family is tight with the Mayor or I would have been suspended for a week with pay. After I returned home from a tough day on the streets, I had my sister in law organize some protestors to put that store out of business once and for all.

Luckily, I will be back on the streets in the morning, keeping this great city safe from this sort of bullshit. The Routine Crime Unit – it’s what we do folks.
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Last edited by Box; 11-16-2021 at 08:13.
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Old 11-16-2021, 09:19   #5
Trapper John
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Box, You have finally out-done yourself with the RCU!

Take the rest of the day off.
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Old 11-16-2021, 09:32   #6
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Box, You have finally out-done yourself with the RCU!

Take the rest of the day off.
Well... the follow up to the story is pretty disappointing.

It seems the shop keeper has quite the high priced lawyer - no charges were even filed against him. The city released him on some sort of a technicality. Something about excessive force or some other nonsense.

His lawsuit against the city netted him a cool 2.5 million dollars in hard earned taxpayer money. That and the huge insurance settlement he got after the peaceful protestors burned his store to the ground has turned that closed minded prick into a very rich man.

Last we heard - he had become an eco-terrorist: one of my informants said he took the money and moved upstate and started a huge cattle ranch.





Stay tuned for more gripping story lines from the 15th Precinct.
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Opinions stated in this post are solely those of the author, and in no way reflect the opinions or policies of The Department of Defense, The United States Army, The Royal Canadian Mounted Police, The Screen Actors Guild, The Boy Scouts, The Good, The Bad, or The Ugly. These opinions are provided purely as overly sarcastic social commentary and are not meant to be used for mission planning or navigation.

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Last edited by Box; 11-16-2021 at 09:35.
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Old 11-16-2021, 09:42   #7
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Hot Diggity Dog!! We're on to something here!! I envision myself as "The Bubble Gum Terrorist" A man who Hates the "Routine Crimes Unit" and is determined to resist!!

Plaguing all good and responsible "Woke" citizens, police and political figures, I roam the city, turning up where least expected and Gumming up the works.

Imagine, the Mayor, after a long day of imposing socialism sits down in (insert gender here) favorite chair only to discover that the "Bubble Gum Terrorist" has struck when (insert gender here) tries to stand up!!

There could be a little bit of it in every show. Shows the need for constant vigilance by right thinking citizens and the authorities.

A full show where the RCU is half a step behind the BGT but of course doesn't catch him. Other shows where it's just a 10 or 15 second shot of my leering face placing a nice chunk of gum some where inserted in the other plot.

Juicy Fruit can show up anywhere and at the worst possible time for the authorities!! Imagine hats, guns, night sticks, locks, wind shield wipers. The list is endless.

Heck, I'll work for free Box. Just the chance to be part of such a project. And of course, meet an endless stream of hot young starlets I might be able to have my way with!!

I'm off to the gym now, gotta get toned for the camera and the chicks!!
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Old 11-16-2021, 10:30   #8
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Other shows where it's just a 10 or 15 second shot of my leering face...
Don't outrun your headlights.

You may be on to something - but your mug isn't ready for the cameras yet. The BGT would have to be like Wilson on 'Home Improvement' or Carlton the Doorman from 'Rhoda' - maybe even the quintessential facelss guy Charlie from 'Charlies Angels'
...no face - only hands or fleeting shots of your back as you escape around the corner just before Detective Box shows up on the scene.

I like the BGT angle though - imagine the look of horror on the face of Detective Box when he realizes his 400 dollar pair of Bruno Magli Lorenzos have been ruined by a strategically placed piece of tropical fruit bubblicious...
...and how exactly can he afford the same shoes that OJ didnt wear to not murder his wife on a rookie detective salary? So many questions.



Stay hungry - just don't get a big head - you're not ready for the cameras just yet.
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Opinions stated in this post are solely those of the author, and in no way reflect the opinions or policies of The Department of Defense, The United States Army, The Royal Canadian Mounted Police, The Screen Actors Guild, The Boy Scouts, The Good, The Bad, or The Ugly. These opinions are provided purely as overly sarcastic social commentary and are not meant to be used for mission planning or navigation.

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Old 11-16-2021, 12:02   #9
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I'll be an extra, I can be the body behind the trashcan in the alley...bahahahaha...
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Old 11-16-2021, 17:54   #10
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Stay hungry - just don't get a big head - you're not ready for the cameras just yet.
Les is that you?
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Old 11-16-2021, 23:14   #11
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Brilliantly funny!!!

Now, how can this be turned into a four (4) page proposal for castings actors on nearby campuses; while filming reactions of those interested in the production.

SJW's cannot handle being the source of humor.
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Old 11-17-2021, 08:00   #12
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OH...OH...OH!!! (In my best Horshack voice): I want in. "I can be the Fuscia Avenger."

First case will be to solve the issue of the kidnapping of my transgendered, bi-curious, melanin-enhanced, Druid-influenced teddy bear. (I KNOW that Effer Swoop kidnapped him in Haiti and held him for ransom but getting that villian to admit it should be worth a show or two!!! bastard would send me photos of teddy all bandaged up and beaten....., one sick, cruel, evil, human being!!!)
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Old 11-17-2021, 15:26   #13
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OH...OH...OH!!! (In my best Horshack voice)
LMAO
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Old 11-18-2021, 06:36   #14
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(I KNOW that Effer Swoop kidnapped him in Haiti and held him for ransom but getting that villian to admit it should be worth a show or two!!! bastard would send me photos of teddy all bandaged up and beaten....., one sick, cruel, evil, human being!!!)

Why JimP (in my best DocH voice, Kilmer of course), whatever are you talking about? Are we still cross? I’m sure I haven’t seen hide nor hair of your teddy.
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Old 11-18-2021, 07:30   #15
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Why JimP (in my best DocH voice, Kilmer of course), whatever are you talking about? Are we still cross? I’m sure I haven’t seen hide nor hair of your teddy.
Not funny!! Party foul!!! You evil bastard!! I bet you have poor teddy's hide tacked on your living room wall you sumbitch!!! best start "muh rep-rashuns" lest I start sending you nude pictures of Hillary Clinton and Huma Abedin in a scissor-fest!!!!!!!

See Box..?? here's another couple of episodes. We can cast Swoop as the evil sumbitch that he is!!!
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