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Old 08-15-2022, 21:11   #1
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Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: State of Confusion
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Political Reboot Part-1

I just "found" this on a top-rated website that specializes in breaking news.
I had to read it twice - at first, it sounded a lot like Jimmy Carter's "Crisis of Confidence" speech but it wasn't. It's like deja vu all over again...

A Continuing Crisis of Confidence: Living Under Jimmy Carter’s Long Awaited Second Term

Good evening. This is a special night for me. Exactly 50 years ago, I got into politics so that I could become rich beyond my wildest dreams and now, I get to pretend that I really am the legitimately elected president of the United States.

Way back then, I clearly told the interviewer not to assume that I wasn’t corrupt and just a few short years ago during a televised political debate, I promised you a president that would destroy the energy industry as it then existed and I am doing my very best to follow through on that promise.

Well, since I am almost completely isolated from the people, and because of my medication, I feel no pain. I stand here at this podium staring at the teleprompter dreaming about zero percent inflation. I draw my strength from the best pharmaceuticals your money can buy, and I draw my wisdom from my handlers and the note cards they give me before I come on stage…
…c’mon man!!!

During these past few years, I’ve spoken to you on many occasions about national security concerns, the energy crisis, reorganizing the government, our nation’s economy, national security, the energy crisis, reorganizing government, the economy, and issues of war, and especially peace, and especially issues of war and peace.

…over those years the subjects of the speeches, the talks, the press conferences, the speeches about press conferences, and the press conferences about speeches have become increasingly narrow, focused more and more on what the isolated world of Washington thinks is important because that’s all they keep putting on the teleprompter.

Gradually, you’ve been told more and more by the government what to think, or what the government thinks you should be doing, and less and less about our nation’s hopes, our dreams, and our vision of the future. It’s clear that the true problems of our Nation are much deeper—deeper than gasoline lines or energy shortages, deeper even than inflation or recession.
...deeper than the pockets of the oligarchs that make sure the big guy gets his ten percent!!!

I realize more than ever that as president I need your help.

Dr Jill won’t let me answer questions on my own and keeps telling me what to do so I decided to reach out and listen to the voices of America as they cheer for NASCAR legend Brandon Brown.
…people from almost every segment of our society—business and labor, teachers and preachers, governors, mayors, and private citizens – they all seem to love this Brandon guy – LETS GO BRANDON!!!

It has been an extraordinary few weeks; hidden from the public under the guise of a persistent COVID infection and I want to share with you what I’ve heard.
I’m bored out of my mind dealing with some of my long-standing concerns about our nation’s underlying problems and after listening to the American people I have been reminded again that all the legislation in the world can’t fix what’s wrong with America but I’m fresh out of ideas so I’m just going to have my Attorney General create a smokescreen by using the FBI to harass and intimidate my political opposition.

I want to speak to you first tonight about a subject even more serious than energy or inflation. I want to talk to you right now about a fundamental threat to American democracy. The threat is nearly invisible.

It is a crisis of confidence.

It is a crisis that strikes at the very heart and soul and spirit of our national will. We can see this crisis in the growing doubt about the meaning of our own lives and in the loss of a unity of purpose for our nation.
-We can see this crisis in my sinking approval ratings.
-We can see this crisis in the floundering public performance of my vice President.
-We can see this crisis in the doubling down of democratic economic policies despite an ongoing economic recession.

The erosion of our confidence in the future is threatening to destroy the social and the political fabric of America and frankly - I don’t care what kind of fabric Americans are using. I don't know anything about political fabric - I just know that the flannel fabric of my pajamas is really soft - that's the kind of fabric I'm fighting for. It's for the kids; it's kid-friendly national fabric - political fabric is what they wear during drag queen story hour at all of the hip and groovy public schools - c'mon man!!!

In a nation that was proud of hard work, strong families, close-knit communities, and our faith in God. Too many of us now tend to worship self-indulgence and consumption.
- too many of us now tend to worship pronouns
- too many of us have forgotten to worship adverbs and adjectives
- too many of us now tend to worship intersectionality
- too many of us now tend to worship the uh, you know, the thing.
Human identity is no longer defined. The newest Supreme court Justice isn’t even able to define the word “woman” because she isn’t a biologist**.

**authors note – this explains why Bill Clinton didn’t know the definition of the word “IS” – it is because Bill was a lawyer and not an English Teacher

We’ve discovered that owning things and consuming things does not satisfy our longing for meaning which is why I now support the World Economic Forum’s unofficial prediction that “by 2030 you’ll own nothing and be happy.” We’ve learned that piling up material goods cannot fill the emptiness of lives which have no confidence or purpose and so we will be passing legislation to double the size of the IRS so that we can raise middle-class taxes on income, material goods, and consumption.

The symptoms of this crisis of the American spirit are all around us. For the SECOND time in the history of our country, a majority of our people believe that the next five years will be worse than the past five years. Two-thirds of our people do not even vote until after they are dead and buried. Well, we need ALL dead voters to support us and if you aren't for me, well, you aren't really dead.

The productivity of American workers is dropping, and nobody even wants a job telling you that the Macdonald's milk-shake machine is out of order unless they are getting paid at least 15 dollars an hour. The willingness of Americans to save for the future has fallen below that of all other people in the Western world because they realize that the government is butt-fucking their 401k every time they turn around. As you know, there is a growing disrespect for the government, the news media, and Hollywood actors that commit negligent homicide and then post on Twitter that “the gun fired all by itself”. This is not a message of happiness or reassurance, but it is the truth, and it is a warning. These changes did not happen overnight. They’ve come upon us with increasing frequency ever since Bill Clinton used his cigar to sodomize a government clerk.

We were sure that ours was a nation of the ballot, not the bullet, until the DOJ made it clear that they were the armed enforcement wing of the democratic party. We were taught that our armies were always invincible and our causes were always just, until we prioritized delusion, equity, and adversity over combat readiness; then we watched people fall from the landing gear of a C-17 as American troops hastily retreated from Afghanistan. We respected the government as a place of honor until the shock of Hillarygate’s countless scandals and Huntergates hilarious crack-pipe-and-hooker photographs on his abandoned laptop became part of the public consciousness.

We remember when the phrase “America, FUCK YEAH; Comin' again to save the motherfuckin' day, yeah”. was an expression of absolute patriotism until under my leadership the FBI has declared that 'patriotism' was an extremist red-flag. We believed that our nation’s resources were making us energy independent until we pushed our green new deal scam as a way of reaffirming our liberal/progressive democrats' desire for an endless dependence on foreign oil.
…besides, OragneMan Bad – you know; the thing.

These wounds are still very deep – that guy that fell off the C-17 last year, he’s fine. The economy is fine. There is no inflation. There is no recession. These aren't the droids you're looking for. I used to drive a truck when I was young – used the money to put myself through law school – and I was at the top of my class too!!!
Where was I – the teleprompter froze up and I had to freestyle for a few minutes…

Looking for a way out of this crisis, our people have turned to the Federal government and found it isolated from the mainstream of our nation’s life. Washington, D.C., has become an island. The gap between our citizens and our government has never been so wide. The people are looking for honest answers, not easy answers; clear leadership, not false claims and evasiveness and politics as usual...

It's like Jimmy Carter - that guy that denied the results of a Presidential election that later came back to preach how anyone that denies the results of an election is a repugnant extremist...
...it's like there is a quantum tear in the political fabric of space/time

Just think - P.T. Barnum used to sell tickets to his freak show only for us to find out years later that most of his 'freaks' were just a big hoax.

We've all got front row seats to a freak show - and it isn't a hoax - they are doing exactly what they said they would do.

Opinions stated in this post are solely those of the author, and in no way reflect the opinions or policies of The Department of Defense, The United States Army, The Royal Canadian Mounted Police, The Screen Actors Guild, The Boy Scouts, The Good, The Bad, or The Ugly. These opinions are provided purely as overly sarcastic social commentary and are not meant to be used for mission planning or navigation.

"Make sure your own mask is secure before assisting others"
-Airplane Safety Briefing
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