Quote:
Originally Posted by EricV
Mmm... I got it!! How's about a show where I litter a piece of bubble gum and the lead detective steps in it and can't get it off his shoe??
|
That sounds like a “ripped from the headlines” quality plot - if you keep at it, you cold make some real money in this game. I’ll have my people talk to your people and maybe even squeeze a few bucks in royalties for you if you can flesh out the story a little more. I’ll keep the idea on the back burner for now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Dog New Trick
...breaking and entering high end merchandise stores and clearing not only the shelves but the back rooms as well and running out the door with the electronic anti-theft tags hanging in the wind. Arson of someone’s life long dream to own a business and participate in the local community with goods and services. Assaulting elderly Asian people just because and, committing cold blooded murder anywhere and everywhere, even in broad daylight on crowded streets and subway stations surrounded by people who… won’t intervene, won’t report it 911, and are likely to video it and post up the attack on TikTok. Oh and armed car jacking and freeway shootings because well you know you had it coming.
|
Bro – I know you are a QP so you are entitled to your opinion but that is some dark shit you just posted. I love you guys in a friendly internet kind of way but I think you should cruise down to the VA hospital and talk to someone. Talk to one of us on here if you just need to vent - spend some time with another QP and talk about things that calm your nerves - but you've got to release that hate my friend or it will eat you up inside.
The Routine Crimes Unit would never interfere with peoples god given rights to freedom of speech, freedom of the press; or more importantly, the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. Sure, RCU might bring the pain to a few violent MAGA hat wearing assholes every now and again, but that’s what you get for making wild claims about election fraud or deep state sedition.
C’mon man – you’re better than that.
Anyway – I’ll give you all a small taste of what to expect once my show debuts on your local Faux Entertainment Network...
Day One – fresh out of the academy and I’ve been assigned to the RCU - the 15th precinct - I am about to delve into the dark side if the seedy underworld crime network that plagues this great city.
Most cops spend years walking a beat before they can make it to the RCU – but me, I’m just too fucking awesome to walk a beat. I’m next level. I’ve got mad skills. I’m connected. More importantly – my family spent THOUSANDS of dollars helping the Mayor win reelection – so I’m ready. I’ve got a fresh hair cut and my one-line puns dealing with crime are as cold as a razor blade, tight as a tourniquet, dry as a funeral drum.
It's time for action bitches.
Our first call took us to a little bodega right across the street from the Metro-City-Giant-Mega-Mall to deal with a horrible sexual assault. We went 'berries and cherries' to get there ASAP since this case was going to be a booger. The 911 call came from the store owner reporting a male suspect WDAF (
Walking Dangerously – Almost Falling) that was drunk and disorderly, but we knew better.
When we arrived on the scene it was worse than we thought. The suspect from the 911 call was actually a 6 foot 4 inch tall 220 pound female named Tony.
We had just walked in on one of the worst cases of misgendering I could imagine. Tony was in a fetal position in the corner crying her eyes out – it was sickening to hear her whimpering “
its ma’am - I’m a ma’am damn you - MA'AM !!” its gut wrenching that in America in 2021 – even after Joe Brandon reuniting the country - that we would still have violent hate crimes like this happening in our great city but here we were.
This beautiful behemoth of a woman, her dainty purple beard peeking out from under her bikini style COVID mask, was just a lump of abused mush, reduced to tears in the corner of some two-bit bodega. Her chiseled frame was about to split the seams of her extra medium Under Armor T-shirt but there was no doubt from the curly blue hair and pink hair clip, that the shop owner had intentionally misgendered this poor oppressed woman.
The store owner indignantly uttered, “
Officer, can you please get this dude out of my shop. He comes in here every day and scares the crap out of my customers. He’s a nuisance.” My blood ran cold – the patriarchy was once again demonstrating its privilege - a false 911 call claiming that a drunk ‘man’ was causing a scene only to find out that the store owner was discriminating against women customers, and worst of all – intentionally misgendering – and now he has the nerve to misgender his victim right to my face three times in one sentence. Boiling with rage – I blacked out.
I woke up in the booking room about an hour later. It appears my blackout was caused by a sudden fit of uncontrollable rage. I had pulled my D-Cell Maglite from my belt and gave the bodega owner a flashlight-shampoo that isn’t going to rinse out any time soon. It’s a good thing that my family is tight with the Mayor or I would have been suspended for a week with pay. After I returned home from a tough day on the streets, I had my sister in law organize some protestors to put that store out of business once and for all.
Luckily, I will be back on the streets in the morning, keeping this great city safe from this sort of bullshit.
The Routine Crime Unit – it’s what we do folks.