Carolina Beach restaurant says "no" to screaming children

[rdret1]

Again, Pete, you seem to be lumping all "screaming kids" together. There is a difference between a brat and an autistic child. One deserves discipline, the other, understanding.

As far as movies go, I refuse to spend $30.00 for a matinee (counting drinks and snacks), when I can wait 6 weeks, spend $1.00 at the Redbox, go home, kick back, watch the movie, and eat and drink all I want.

[The Reaper]

Originally Posted by rdret1

Again, Pete, you seem to be lumping all "screaming kids" together. There is a difference between a brat and an autistic child. One deserves discipline, the other, understanding.

With all due respect, the result of either, if allowed to continue is the same to the diner.

And it is nearly impossible to tell what the cause might be.

Are you saying that if a full-on tantrum were going on, with screaming and yelling, that you would not take your child out of the restaurant?

Agree with you on the movies, BTW.

TR

[Cynic]

I think Bandycpa used a good term when he said “let the world revolve around my kid”. MOST parents of kids with autism are acutely aware when their child is causing a disturbance. Believe me; it is a traumatic experience for the parents as well as the child. We are well aware that we must teach our child to “get in step with the rest of the world”. It is the process that is under discussion. We try as best to do it without offending others.

The hard thing is that children with autism usually “look” like every other kid. They don’t come with a wheelchair or brace. They get judged based on “looking normal”. Typically, it is their unusual behaviors that cause an issue. Imagine how scary it would be to have your son or daughter stopped by a police officer because they are behaving oddly. When he tries to interview them, they are unable to verbalize. They may flap/squeeze/wring their hands. They look like they are on drugs. The more intense the questioning, the more upset they become without knowing how to respond. Every time my son leaves the house, this is my nightmare. Fortunately, we live in a suburban area and most of the public safety officers know about “special” kids. Driving? My son knows he is different; that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

I must live in a fairly reasonable area because almost as often as I have been at dinner where there is an out-of-control child I have seen a traumatized parent trying to regain control. I’m sure there are many lazy POS out there who milk a disability label, even when not appropriate. This is even more outrageous to those of us with truly disabled children than it is to someone whose sensibilities are offended. A true disturbance is not a learning experience for anyone. Other diners deserve their peace and quiet.

However…

As a society we must decide if we will support the process of assimilating those with disabilities into the “regular” world. (I know the children who have grown up with my son don’t get offended by him. Acceptance is learned early on.) The resulting good is that we strengthen our diversity of skills and talents, not to mention our humanity. Many people with disabilities have amazing talents and abilities; they may just come with a handful of “behaviors”. Think Einstein, Steven Hawking, etc. What a shame it would have been if they had been dismissed because something about them offended people.

Just MHO, your mileage may vary. I will labor on regardless.

[Blue]

If an autistic child is agitated to such a level that he is disrupting a restaurant, then he is outside of his comfort zone and needs to be removed for his own peace if no one else's.

How does a child learn the rules and norms of society if they are not in "society"?

Patents are the coaches and the monitors of threasholds and if a child is "endlessly screaming", then the parents make the informed decision and leave. They leave because it is the right thing to do, not because the 'have to'.

Just me....

[Surgicalcric]

Originally Posted by wet dog

...if a child is "endlessly screaming", then the parents make the informed decision and leave. They leave because it is the right thing to do, not because the 'have to'.

Just me....

Thats assuming the parents know what the right thing is to do, and are willing to do it.

[rdret1]

Originally Posted by The Reaper

And it is nearly impossible to tell what the cause might be.

Are you saying that if a full-on tantrum were going on, with screaming and yelling, that you would not take your child out of the restaurant?


TR

No, I am not saying that. This has kind of strayed from the original intent of the thread; being should the Carolina Beach eatery have done what they did. Most parents of autistic children are acutely aware of their child's behaviors. When the child gets a little too agitated, they will remove the child from the situation. It is not only annoying to people around them, who probably don't know what is going on, but it is extremely embarrasing for the parents.

What I took issue with was the appearance that everyone wanted to treat autistic children the same as some brat who was throwing a tantrum. The two situations should be viewed completely differently.

Originally Posted by Cynic

Imagine how scary it would be to have your son or daughter stopped by a police officer because they are behaving oddly. When he tries to interview them, they are unable to verbalize. They may flap/squeeze/wring their hands. They look like they are on drugs. The more intense the questioning, the more upset they become without knowing how to respond. Every time my son leaves the house, this is my nightmare. Fortunately, we live in a suburban area and most of the public safety officers know about “special” kids.

In North Carolina at least, we have CIT (Crisis Intervention Teams). These are officers on each patrol team who have been trained to recognize and deal with mentally challenged citizens. Before CIT, many officers simply resorted to involuntary committments or arrests when faced with difficult situations like this. Now, a CIT officer has many more options and much better training. Anyone who has dealt with an autistic child or adult for a longer period of time knows the small behaviors that generally characterize the disorders.

[levinj]

My heart goes out to every parent who has to deal with this issue. My fiance's child suffers from Asperger's Syndrome - he's a wonderful boy, perfectly happy, but unable to verbalize within the accepted range for his age group.

As he gets older, I imagine I'll start having those same fears.

Back on subject, I agree with the Carolina Beach restaurant's decision. While they may need to be considerate of children with disabilities, we can assume that those cases are in the minority - luckily, for everyone involved. And when they come up, let's hope the waiter/manager has the sense to be discreet, as do the parents.

There's no reason I wouldn't take my autistic child outside and help him calm down, the same as I would do for a more "normal" child. Helping him to understand acceptable behavior is a part of the integration process.

Cynic, best of luck to you and yours. I hope you never have to face the nightmares you described.

[Cynic]

Originally Posted by levinj

Cynic, best of luck to you and yours. I hope you never have to face the nightmares you described.

TY for your kind words. I've learned to sublimate the nightmares and focus on the fact that our son is the nicest "odd" guy you'd ever want to meet.

[Cagekicker]

It is definantly a parent's responsibility to make sure the kids behave reasonably in a social setting, especially in a restaurant where other people have paid money to enjoy their meal.

[nmap]

Interesting thread...fascinating aspects to what seemed to be a simple problem.

Notice the survey results.

Should restaurants maintain a policy against screaming children?

The majority - 50.54% - say yes, absolutely. The overwhelming majority, at 88%, support some policy. In contrast, almost all restaurants (seemingly) do nothing and have no policy. I strongly suspect that we would see similar numbers with regard to adult (mis)behavior with cell phones.

That's the odd thing. It would seem that some number of restaurants would have (and would enforce) a policy that required some standards. Of course, there would also be those with a more relaxed policy to accommodate those with that preference.

This seems like a niche, a real business opportunity. I wonder why so few restaurants perceive it?

[levinj]

FWIW, there's at least one deli here in San Antonio that enforces a no-cellphones policy. I suspect there may be others.

But you're quite right, this really is a niche market. Small delis and cafes trying to obtain an 'old world' feel might really benefit from well-posted signs advertising peace and quiet.