Wife Ultimatum

[Dusty]

Originally Posted by Dobi84

I get his commitment issuses but why would age be a factor. I'm 31 and in the best shape I've ever been in my entire life.

Maybe he's getting forgetful, failing to follow instructions, stuff like that.

[Dobi84]

Originally Posted by Dusty

Maybe he's getting forgetful, failing follow instructions, stuff like that.

Ok, yeah I looked at it again and thought, at his age and still having commitment issues. Sorry, I'm sort of in a similar boat but not. I'm married with 1 kid. For me there was no discussion, ultimatum, or debate I basically told her my plans after the fact, and that was that. My wife knows me and I'm very headstrong. I want this more than anything right now and based on my actions alone,(just ask my wife), there is no question about my commitment or priorities for that matter.

Some may think thats sad but it is what it is. If it's God's will than so be it.

Am I wrong for having this kind of mentality?

[Dusty]

Originally Posted by Dobi84

Ok, yeah I looked at it again and thought, at his age and still having commitment issues. Sorry, I was sort of in a similar boat but not. I'm married with 1 kid. For me there was no discussion, ultimatum, or debate I basically told her my plans after the fact, and that was that. My wife knows me and I'm very headstrong. I want this more than anything right now and based on my actions alone,(just ask my wife), there is no question about my commitment or priorities for that matter.

Some may think thats sad but it is what it is. If it's God's will than so be it.

Yeah.
Hey, have you read post #13 on this very thread, yet?

[Dobi84]

By no means is my post to be taken as advice. I'm actually seeking advice on whether or not I'm wrong or selfish for thinking that way.

[Dusty]

Originally Posted by Dobi84

By no means is my post to be taken as advice. I'm actually seeking advice on whether or not I'm wrong or selfish for thinking that way.

In my case, it was plainly understood that I was gonna be gone, just about all the time. It's hard on a marriage unless both parties understand that going in, and are both strong enough to stick it out (or even embrace it-or something in-between).

You gotta be able to focus 100 percent on the tasks at hand, and both of you need to know that.

Seems that the wives who are most comfortable in the support role are the ones who are proud to be in that role.

I don't think I was selfish for setting SF as a goal; no.

[Team Sergeant]

Originally Posted by Dobi84

I get his commitment issuses but why would age be a factor. I'm 31 and in the best shape I've ever been in my entire life.

I love when people say "I'm (place age here usually between 30-50) and I'm in the best shape of my life!"

Good for you, what happened to 18-30? By the time I was 19 I was an animal and a killing machine.

By 23 I was a Special Forces animal and a more skilled killing machine.

At 39 I retired from the military. So you're going to start at 31 and maybe, maybe make it to a team as an E-5 by the time you're say 34?

Good luck with that. Can't wait to hear the 20 year old SF Staff Sergeant calling you grandpa.

[JJ_BPK]

Originally Posted by Dobi84

Ok, yeah I looked at it again and thought,

Sorry, I'm sort of in a similar boat but not. I'm married with 1 kid.

For me there was no discussion, ultimatum, or debate I basically told her my plans after the fact, and that was that.

My wife knows me and I'm very headstrong. I want this more than anything right now and based on my actions alone,(just ask my wife), there is no question about my commitment or priorities for that matter.

Some may think thats sad but it is what it is. If it's God's will than so be it.

Am I wrong for having this kind of mentality?

Yes, re-read the QP posts.

Family has to be part of the equation.

[Old Dog New Trick]

Originally Posted by Team Sergeant

I love when people say "I'm (place age here usually between 30-50) and I'm in the best shape of my life!"

Good for you, what happened to 18-30? By the time I was 19 I was an animal and a killing machine.

By 23 I was a Special Forces animal and a more skilled killing machine.

At 39 I retired from the military. So you're going to start at 31 and maybe, maybe make it to a team as an E-5 by the time you're say 34?

Good luck with that. Can't wait to hear the 20 year old SF Staff Sergeant calling you grandpa.

You forgot to say, at 36 I was a broken shell of my former self just pushing myself to accomplish the mission. The missions, the falls, the jumps, the weight of the ever decreasing 100 pounds of lightweight equipment still weighed 100 pounds.

I went into SF at 25ish after being in the Infanrty for eight years, I was in good shape, by 31 I was in great shape, 33 "best shape of my life," after that it was one injury at a time and I learned and accepted that as I got older I didn't heal as fast, didn't bounce as well.

Knowing what I and most of us know, there is a "prime time" for being in SF. If you can't keep up there is a time to go find another job. That's a hard pill to swallow but must be...the mission comes first. They only keep the broken old guys around to impart knowledge and wisdom on the next generation. If you're just an old guy without knowledge and wisdom of SF's mission you're not of very much value.

I didn't marry until I knew my career was nearly over, didn't have a child until after retirement, right now and back then it was 100% Army, 110% SF, there were no competing interests. Today my son is 100% of my interest and everything from marriage to job is only a way of supporting that.

So ask yourself, what do you have to offer, how long can you give, and are you truly doing this for country, duty and honor of your brothers?

SF has a very high divorce rate of those that had a strong marriage because choices are made, and those that make those choices are better or worse for it. Ultimately, it's the children who suffer a selfish father or a mother with misplaced loyalties. For the families who make it work I've never seen a stronger bond and level of devotion and pride in the accomplishments of their children. Many boys who follow in their father's footsteps becoming men who will make the same sacrifice they hated as youngsters. Oh, and daughters that go on to outstanding achievements of their own.

Good luck in your choice, but make it for all the right reasons.

[TheHulk]

I have learned an enormous amount about the 'total equation' from this thread and all of the input.
For some reason, my initial thought process for joining involved;

TRY OUT FOR SF
BE OF SERVICE

I was clearly leaving out who will have me after the Army is done with me. I now know why my plan was 'woefully' incomplete.

As far as commitment, marriage never meant to me what it is supposed to be. I now understand, that is incorrect.

Thank you again for the replies, the advice has done more than you know.

[Team Sergeant]

Originally Posted by TheHulk

TRY OUT FOR SF
BE OF SERVICE

First learn to be a good man to those you are responsible for... then a good American.

You need not be a Special Forces soldier to be a "great" American. There are millions of great Americans that never served in the military.

[SF_BHT]

Why are all of these non QP's answering questions in the SF Questions threads. Please read the stickies and follow the rules!!!!

[Dobi84]

Thank you QP for all your words of wisdom and advice. I still feel a strong pulling and desire, if not more than ever now, to tryout for SF. My only problem was failing to include my family into that equation.

Team Sergeant

Right now I can only hope & pray that I'm even fortunate enough, to be graced with a spot on a team, and be called "grandpa". Until then I'll keep on keeping on training, training, training, smartly of course.

[x SF med]

Originally Posted by SF_BHT

Why are all of these non QP's answering questions in the SF Questions threads. Please read the stickies and follow the rules!!!!

I believe we might be speaking a different language than the non-QP's... Nah, we're clearly speaking the lingua franca of this country, for the current time, at least. Maybe they don't teach reading comprehension anymore, or they're all special snowflakes who have rules that only others have to obey?


Clearly, I seem to be as confused as you, I wonder why?

[Mike]

I remember when at least one divorce was a not so whimsical requirement for SF.

Being in a 11 year non matrimonial relationship with a kid and another on the way is pretty fucked up and says a lot.

Do yourself and SF a favor and deal with your life in a responsible matter.

I would not like you at my back.

Originally Posted by Dobi84

By no means is my post to be taken as advice. I'm actually seeking advice on whether or not I'm wrong or selfish for thinking that way.

Yes you are!