Moroney's Medical Maxims

[Jack Moroney (RIP)]

In and effort to provide feedback to the medical community I thought that I would share with you the Medical Maxims I have developed over the past couple of months This invaluable teaching tool is still a work in progress, but here are the highlights: Having a dietician who blots out the sun with her girth tell you that your cholesterol level is too high carries limited credibility. Be specific when you tell a patient to perform an act. For instance, telling him to do dips on the parallel bars and then getting upset because he has done 22 when you only wanted five is your mistake. Pain is a real motivator! Suspending a patient with a hoist designed to lift cattle from quicksand is medieval torture. Rather than getting upset when I grab the trapeze above the bed and swing myself into and out of bed, look at it as a labor saving activity for you and good exercise for me. People who cannot or should not be driving an automobile are just as hazardous when maneuvering their wheel chairs. Labeling a restroom as handicapped accessible means anyone with a handicap can get thru the door. The internal set up, however, defies logic. Not every one can maneuver with their right hand and left leg and get away from self flushing toilets before the back of their clothing gets inundated by the high pressure flushing mechanism. Instructions to remove the cap covering the handheld urinal must be given in daylight to prevent that warm wet sensation that occurs when the cap is still on during emergency night time use. And last but not least, posting signs that say all patients will be treated with dignity doesn’t really wash when you expect them to wear gowns that don’t close, don’t fit, and are impossible to tie unless you are double jointed.

Jack Moroney