Sleep-deprivation induced medical issue

[SB8734]

Revised version with less personal information:

Years ago, a soldier at an SF display/recruiting booth told me that I'd be an ideal candidate for SF because of my language abilities. I didn't take it seriously until later on in college, I thought about SF seriously and took it as a calling and a vehicle to live my values, contribute to a bigger cause, join a brotherhood, etc. Unwilling to quit the semester and run away from family problems to join the army, I went to classes and dealt with problems back home, all while conducting self-training and self-assessment in college, including land navigation and testing my fear of heights, and finally, a week's worth of sleep deprivation sleep deprivation. I was determined at first to fix my family conflicts first before joining the military and SF to fix the world, but later decided that I have to establish my independence first before I can really help my family. Having always felt like myself and comfortable around army friends, I decided that the Army was the best way to do that.

Then one day in my sleep deprived mind I went to my recruiter with the biggest smile on my face and told him I decided to go infantry, that was the same time I started getting some really weird delusions/thoughts from the sleep deprivation I've induced upon myself, including thinking that I've actually died, and saying my "last words" before closing my eyes, etc. My concerned mother sent me to the hospital due to my unusual behavior. After I got discharged from the hospital, I tried to follow up with my initial decision to enlist, but realized how much the odds are against the possibility of getting myself medically qualified to get in, I've tried different recruiters, I even got my psychiatrist to give me a non-DQing diagnosis of "brief sleep deprivation induced psychotic symptoms," and write letters for me to give to the recruiter. I feel like I've been cheated by those who say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, you gotta push yourself, etc. I pushed myself past my physical limit and all I got was get reduced to a broken mind and DQ for enlistment. I wasn't able to join the military and I wasn't able to fix my family. I felt stupid. But then again, maybe I'm meant for something totally else, and in that sense, I might be stronger, but still, I don't really see how anything else I would rather do other than the things I get to do in the SF.


As weird and stupid as it sounds, I've never felt more idealistic in the sense of having found my life's purpose during that time when I took the SF as a calling. For the longest time since my hospitalization I tried to follow up with my decision to join the Army, but the odds have never been stacked up more against me. Basically, I came to this forum because I was desperate for advise and guidance.


I've prided myself in "pulling-off" many seemingly impossible things in the past. I know from experience that just because someone say it's impossible doesn't mean it's impossible. But this one seems like such a far shot that I definitely need help from you guys on this forum, and any advice would be greatly appreciated.