I mean, it was designed to be worn straight, or if circumstances require, sometimes possibly backwards, so wearing it crooked MUST be cool. Plus, all the cool guys driving in riced out civics with mufflers that go BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA wear it crooked. And they make sure it's just the right amount of crookedness by frequently checking in the rear view mirror and making minor hat angle alterations. Then they look at other cars. See how crooked my hat is? Yeah. That's cool. You, with your hat straight. You're not cool. You're wearing it as it was designed to be worn and is most effective at keeping the sun out of your eyes. You don't know the first thing about cool.
Should two crooked hat wearers happen to cross paths, they will acknowledge each other's coolness with a subtle upward nod. It's essential to take part in this nonverbal communication. Failure to do so all but proves one's uncoolness and can result in being ostracized from the group. But there are far more dynamics involved during this chance encounter. Just as a woman in public with her chosen mate tends to view other women as potential rivals, evaluating their physical appearance in comparison to her own to determine the level of threat, so too will crooked hat wearers critique each other. Is the hat precisely at 45 degrees with a slight downward tilt? If not, is the additional angle intentional or unintentional? If intentional, especially with an upward tilt, this conveys the statement that the wearer is proclaiming his stature as alpha male. He shows more of his face in an open display of dominance. Crooked hat wearers whose hats are at precisely 45 degrees with a downward tilt instinctively treat such alpha males with courtesy and submissiveness. They may discuss their Civic's modifications, but only if the Alpha first broaches the matter.
Straight hat wearers should avoid engaging crooked hat wearers in conversation, even if they drive a Civic too. Fostering dialogue in a gesture of good will is often interpreted as hostile intent by crooked hat wearers. Boisterous verbal exchange will inevitably ensue, accompanied by wild hand gestures whose meaning straight hat wearers cannot interpret.
Join us next time as we examine the developmental inter-group dynamics of wearers of oversized pants without belts. How low is too low?
The answer may surprise some of you...
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