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Starbucks
I recently received a $300 gift card from Starbucks, by way of apologizing for their various sins against humanity. Namely, systematically shorting me on espresso for the last three years.
With tax, my daily double espresso costs $2.00. I have been suspicious for some time, though, that I have not actually been receiving twice as much espresso as a single shot involves. This was confirmed when I had a Starbucks employee measure both out for me – I have been receiving 1.7 shots.
15% short shot x $2 x approx. 1000 days = $300
This struck me as highly ironic, given the incessant and annoying marketing by Starbucks of “Fair Trade coffee”.
Emboldened by my success, I have escalated my attacks. I now simply order a “cup of Joe” with a deadpan expression. When asked what size, I reply, “Medium.” This makes everyone very uncomfortable, but I am sure they will eventually work through their feelings and achieve catharsis upon realizing that they are acting pretty stupid by trying to alter the English language.
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"Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave whither Thou goest." - Ecclesiastes 9:10
"If simple folk are free from care and fear, simple they will be, and we must be secret to keep them so." - JRRT
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