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Once upon a time there was a guy...
...a simp really. Definitely more simp than man.
Sure, he was handsome, talented, wealthy beyond the imagination of most aMerikans, and most importantly, he cavorts with whores...
...I'm talking of course about LA Detective Mike Lowrey. He's cool. He's hip. He's a foot-loose and fancy free ladies' man that has recently lost his favorite call girl in a drug deal gone bad. So he is gonna get him some revenge on the folks that did his whore girl friend wrong.
Of course,many of you probably though I was talking about Air Force Captain Steven Hiller. You would be wrong. First off - Hiller is a movie character and even though he has a swagger about him and simp slaps an alien in the face after he tries to do Hillers family wrong - we all kow that aliens aren't "real" regardless of what the Navy says about UFOs.
Now, some of you may have though I was talking about NYPD officer James Darrell Edwards III - all of his friends call him Jay - he also slapped around a few aliens and got all "let me save the poor helpless woman" on everyone by wailing on an alien to protect a gal that he had the hots for...
...then he did it again to save ANOTHER girl that he had the hots for only to find out that SHE was an alien too.
C'mon man. ALIENS ARENT REAL - these are movie characters - not real people.
I could have been talking about U.S. Army virologist Robert Neville - a guy that risked it all to save mankind from itself during a time when a mysterious virus threatened everything and ruined the normalcy that mankind had become accustomed to. He doesn't mind risking it all to save the day even though the truth of the mater is - the "zombies" that he attacks are decent loving sentient beings with a demonstrable capacity to love and cherish one another - but it doesn't matter - they represent the misery in his life and those fucks are gonna pay.
You'd all be wrong - the same goes for those of you that may have though I was talking about the lead charachter in movies like Hitch, iRobot, or Enemy of the State - the "character" is always the same and they are still just characters in a movie.
Life imitates art people. When a man spends his life pretending to be a tough guy that marches out in front of the crowd to strike down those who would rise up against those that the protagonist holds dear - well - he's gonna rise up and strike down those that might act out against those he holds dear.
...even if it does require a sideways glimpse from the woman that brought him onto her podcast to make sure the world knew that her cuckolding him was a true sign of his love and affection.
Fight the good fight every moment Mike Lowrey...
Every minute
Every day
People pay a lot to see those movies - Make it worth the price we pay
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Opinions stated in this post are solely those of the author, and in no way reflect the opinions or policies of The Department of Defense, The United States Army, The Royal Canadian Mounted Police, The Screen Actors Guild, The Boy Scouts, The Good, The Bad, or The Ugly. These opinions are provided purely as overly sarcastic social commentary and are not meant to be used for mission planning or navigation.
"Make sure your own mask is secure before assisting others"
-Airplane Safety Briefing
Last edited by Box; 03-31-2022 at 13:19.
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