Handling Break Ups..

NBC-Guy · 04-05-2007, 16:58

Hey all. I have talked to a few people that have been special forces for 15+ years prior to deploying and majority of them have gone thru multiple marriages. Well I am not in any group, but I am deployed. Two weeks after I got back into the BIAP area ater R&R, my girlfriend of 6 years whom I was going to propose to upon Demobing cheated on me with a Ranger and we have broken up and she has gotten together with him.

I was just wondering if any of you all have been in my shoes how did you effectively maintain focus on the day ahead and accomplishing the task ahead of you. It is tough out here because we are doing detainee ops 12 hours on 12 hours off and there isn't too much to occupy my mind with other than books. Any information, advice, or encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Just trying to effectively move on and the first step was to dedicate myself to preparing for SFAS and making contact with guys at 19th group in WA. I am looking to get rid of the relapses and memories which I keep thinking about. It sucks. I guess time heals all wounds, ehh. Sorry for rambling.

RB

82ndtrooper · 04-05-2007, 17:04

My 1stSG told me once "There are three things that will fook up a soldier" My reply "What are they" his reply "Booze, Broads, and Broads" Stay away from all three !!

Gypsy · 04-05-2007, 17:19

rb...sorry to hear that this has happened.

If I may, I'll tell you what I've told countless young men I've written over the years when they have poured their hearts out to me about a cheating spouse/gf etc. It always breaks my heart to hear about this kind of thing and some of the stories would curl my hair...if it wasn't already curly.

It won't take away the pain you're feeling at the moment, but the best "revenge" is living well. Take care of yourself, keep yourself focused in all ways.

I bet someone will probably be along shortly to suggest you do extra PT, since you mentioned preparing for SFAS.

Not making light...just that a little levity sometimes helps... Good luck and stay safe.

NBC-Guy · 04-05-2007, 17:22

yeah i have kicked up the PT quite a bit. Hitting the gym everyday and rucking 6 miles every other day with 3 mile runs on the days in between. It has helped alot

Gypsy · 04-05-2007, 17:25

Well, let us know if you need any more reading material.

Or homemade cookies...though that would be contraindicated for any positive PT results.

82ndtrooper · 04-05-2007, 17:35

Here's a thread by NDD. Worry about this much later after SFAS and the "Q"

http://www.professionalsoldiers.com/...ight=marriages

NBC-Guy · 04-05-2007, 20:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gypsy

Well, let us know if you need any more reading material.

Or homemade cookies...though that would be contraindicated for any positive PT results.

thats a yes on both of those

im always looking to expand my knowledge and could do so with a snack or two by my side

**Peregrino** · 04-05-2007, 22:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gypsy

It won't take away the pain you're feeling at the moment, but the best "revenge" is living well.

Gypsy hit the nail on the head. Now that you've adjusted the PT routine to compensate (sublimate) it's time to sit down and write that Ranger a HEARTFELT Thank You note. That idiot (she did it to you, she'll eventually do it to him) just saved you untold tens of thousands of dollars and a few wasted years of your life. To put it in perspective: that's a wedding, honeymoon, years of supporting her, possible children and all the entailed expenses, counselling, divorce lawyers, property settlements, alimony, child support, etc., etc. that you won't have to pay for now (at least not to that one). Now move out and have fun with the rest of your life. FWIW - women outnumber men and if you've got anything on the ball you're a hot commodity (in other words - there's a lot more where that one came from). The lessons this one taught you will serve good stead when the next one comes along. My .02 - Peregrino

Goggles Pizano · 04-06-2007, 06:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by 82ndtrooper

My 1stSG told me once "There are three things that will fook up a soldier" My reply "What are they" his reply "Booze, Broads, and Broads" Stay away from all three !!

+1

I wise old sage gave me this same advice moons ago. Back then it was "booze, cooz, and snooze"!

Fear not blackshear, when you least expect you will bump into your best friend for life. Good luck and fook the broad that left-she was not worth it and now she is someone else's headache.

**The Reaper** · 04-06-2007, 07:43

You guys have it wrong.

The three things in the Army that get soldiers into the most trouble are the three Ws.

Women.

Whiskey.

Weapons.

RB, if she was doing this now, what would she have been doing while you were at Camp MacKall? Where would your head be during training? What would you do when you found out? What would she be doing while you were on a six-month deployment? What would you do if she told you that if you went to SF training, she was leaving you?

I see way too many kids letting the little head think for the big one. Twenty years from now, if you make it through training, you will still have the SF Tab and be able to say that you stood with the best. You probably won't have the same woman.

The ladies have it right. The best revenge is living well. When you get back, go out, have a good time, date around for a while, and don't get too serious about anyone. Eventually, the right one will find you.

Hasta la bye-bye, baby. Now send the Ranger a nice thank you note and cut this skank away like a bad parachute.

TR

NBC-Guy · 04-06-2007, 08:28

Yeah i talked to the ranger a while ago and he was saying he was sorry and was going to fix things but of course he went back on his word. I will write him a nice little letter at your guy's request. and thanks reaper for putting things in perspective. Its kind of funny as she has been pushing me to go to selections for the last couple of years but I was not able to commit 100% to the preparation as I am now. Makes me think why.

I appreciate the support and advice greatly

RB

Sionnach · 04-06-2007, 08:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by rb.blackshear

Yeah i talked to the ranger a while ago and he was saying he was sorry and was going to fix things but of course he went back on his word. I will write him a nice little letter at your guy's request. and thanks reaper for putting things in perspective. Its kind of funny as she has been pushing me to go to selections for the last couple of years but I was not able to commit 100% to the preparation as I am now. Makes me think why.

I appreciate the support and advice greatly

RB

We've all heard this before, but... there are a LOT of women out there. Read, study, do PT, ruck, etc, and I promise you this woman will become less important as you focus on other tasks. Keep your mind busy. Every time I thought I had "the one," when it ended, I met "the next one."

Keep your head up and your mind busy!

Edited: Bad SA.

**Team Sergeant** · 04-06-2007, 09:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by 82ndtrooper

My 1stSG told me once "There are three things that will fook up a soldier" My reply "What are they" his reply "Booze, Broads, and Broads" Stay away from all three !!

The next time you answer for "us" there will be problems.

Team Sergeant

NousDefionsDoc · 04-06-2007, 09:40

Good riddance. She would have been a training distractor. Go do PT.

**Pete** · 04-06-2007, 09:41

The military life in and of it's self is not good on young people who marry.

The young wife is taken from all she knows and plopped down at some military base in a state she's never been to. Add a child and hubby deployed, the sob story starts. A young wife with no kids? The trips out for company starts.

The larger military units do a fairly good job with family support. SF can be kind of hit and miss.

But that is because of the wives. A conventional unit has a large number of "real" young wives. Just based on age and training of the soldiers I'd bet the young SF wives are a good 5 years older than conventional wives. Add in that the older wives do fairly well while hubby is gone. It's the getting backpart that's hard.

When you pick a mate for a military life find one that can and has lived on her own and can get things done without you. Those young child brides fresh out of high school need a few years of seasoning.

A bad girl friend who dumps you is like a splinter. Pull it out, spit on it, wipe it off and drive on. Plenty of fish in the sea, just set a new hook in a better spot.

Pete
+2 and holding.