Wife Ultimatum

[TheHulk]

The choice of trying out for SF as an 18X was not an impulse decision. This is something Ive carefully thought about for a few years. Once I knew what I needed to do, I started training and taking care of my finances to accommodate for military pay as opposed to my civilian job. My wife (really GF but in Texas is common law wife since we've been together for 11yrs) seemed on the fence at first then reluctantly agreed with my decision and why I made it. Now however, she has completely changed her mind and is now telling me she will pack up her things and take my son and unborn daughter away if I continue down this path. I have made sure to do most of my training when my family is asleep and rarely talk about it as Im not a fan about talking things up until it is actually set in stone (or contract signed). I know the move she has made is kinda selfish but she thinks it is justified because 'Im making a conscious choice to leave my family'.

Just wondering if anyone else has encountered this and what they ultimately did. I know in the scheme of things this choice is not a selfish decision and my kids will understand why. Her behavior has put a speed bump in my training and was just curious if anyone had any feedback.

This is something I have been needing to do for quite some time and with everything that is going on now, it has only cemented my decision to try out as an 18X.

[Team Sergeant]

We are not fighting WWIII. Your decision will not turn the tide on worldwide islamic terrorism. Pull your head out of your ass and take care of your family first.

And remember your age combined with your lack of commitment I'd give you less than a 5% chance of making it anyway.

[Dobi84]

Originally Posted by Team Sergeant

We are not fighting WWIII. Your decision will not turn the tide on worldwide islamic terrorism. Pull your head out of your ass and take care of your family first.

And remember your age combined with your lack of commitment I'd give you less than a 5% chance of making it anyway.

I get his commitment issuses but why would age be a factor. I'm 31 and in the best shape I've ever been in my entire life.

[Dusty]

Originally Posted by Dobi84

I get his commitment issuses but why would age be a factor. I'm 31 and in the best shape I've ever been in my entire life.

Maybe he's getting forgetful, failing to follow instructions, stuff like that.

[Dobi84]

Originally Posted by Dusty

Maybe he's getting forgetful, failing follow instructions, stuff like that.

Ok, yeah I looked at it again and thought, at his age and still having commitment issues. Sorry, I'm sort of in a similar boat but not. I'm married with 1 kid. For me there was no discussion, ultimatum, or debate I basically told her my plans after the fact, and that was that. My wife knows me and I'm very headstrong. I want this more than anything right now and based on my actions alone,(just ask my wife), there is no question about my commitment or priorities for that matter.

Some may think thats sad but it is what it is. If it's God's will than so be it.

Am I wrong for having this kind of mentality?

[Dusty]

Originally Posted by Dobi84

Ok, yeah I looked at it again and thought, at his age and still having commitment issues. Sorry, I was sort of in a similar boat but not. I'm married with 1 kid. For me there was no discussion, ultimatum, or debate I basically told her my plans after the fact, and that was that. My wife knows me and I'm very headstrong. I want this more than anything right now and based on my actions alone,(just ask my wife), there is no question about my commitment or priorities for that matter.

Some may think thats sad but it is what it is. If it's God's will than so be it.

Yeah.
Hey, have you read post #13 on this very thread, yet?

[JJ_BPK]

Originally Posted by Dobi84

Ok, yeah I looked at it again and thought,

Sorry, I'm sort of in a similar boat but not. I'm married with 1 kid.

For me there was no discussion, ultimatum, or debate I basically told her my plans after the fact, and that was that.

My wife knows me and I'm very headstrong. I want this more than anything right now and based on my actions alone,(just ask my wife), there is no question about my commitment or priorities for that matter.

Some may think thats sad but it is what it is. If it's God's will than so be it.

Am I wrong for having this kind of mentality?

Yes, re-read the QP posts.

Family has to be part of the equation.

[Team Sergeant]

Originally Posted by Dobi84

I get his commitment issuses but why would age be a factor. I'm 31 and in the best shape I've ever been in my entire life.

I love when people say "I'm (place age here usually between 30-50) and I'm in the best shape of my life!"

Good for you, what happened to 18-30? By the time I was 19 I was an animal and a killing machine.

By 23 I was a Special Forces animal and a more skilled killing machine.

At 39 I retired from the military. So you're going to start at 31 and maybe, maybe make it to a team as an E-5 by the time you're say 34?

Good luck with that. Can't wait to hear the 20 year old SF Staff Sergeant calling you grandpa.

[Old Dog New Trick]

Originally Posted by Team Sergeant

I love when people say "I'm (place age here usually between 30-50) and I'm in the best shape of my life!"

Good for you, what happened to 18-30? By the time I was 19 I was an animal and a killing machine.

By 23 I was a Special Forces animal and a more skilled killing machine.

At 39 I retired from the military. So you're going to start at 31 and maybe, maybe make it to a team as an E-5 by the time you're say 34?

Good luck with that. Can't wait to hear the 20 year old SF Staff Sergeant calling you grandpa.

You forgot to say, at 36 I was a broken shell of my former self just pushing myself to accomplish the mission. The missions, the falls, the jumps, the weight of the ever decreasing 100 pounds of lightweight equipment still weighed 100 pounds.

I went into SF at 25ish after being in the Infanrty for eight years, I was in good shape, by 31 I was in great shape, 33 "best shape of my life," after that it was one injury at a time and I learned and accepted that as I got older I didn't heal as fast, didn't bounce as well.

Knowing what I and most of us know, there is a "prime time" for being in SF. If you can't keep up there is a time to go find another job. That's a hard pill to swallow but must be...the mission comes first. They only keep the broken old guys around to impart knowledge and wisdom on the next generation. If you're just an old guy without knowledge and wisdom of SF's mission you're not of very much value.

I didn't marry until I knew my career was nearly over, didn't have a child until after retirement, right now and back then it was 100% Army, 110% SF, there were no competing interests. Today my son is 100% of my interest and everything from marriage to job is only a way of supporting that.

So ask yourself, what do you have to offer, how long can you give, and are you truly doing this for country, duty and honor of your brothers?

SF has a very high divorce rate of those that had a strong marriage because choices are made, and those that make those choices are better or worse for it. Ultimately, it's the children who suffer a selfish father or a mother with misplaced loyalties. For the families who make it work I've never seen a stronger bond and level of devotion and pride in the accomplishments of their children. Many boys who follow in their father's footsteps becoming men who will make the same sacrifice they hated as youngsters. Oh, and daughters that go on to outstanding achievements of their own.

Good luck in your choice, but make it for all the right reasons.

[TheHulk]

I have learned an enormous amount about the 'total equation' from this thread and all of the input.
For some reason, my initial thought process for joining involved;

TRY OUT FOR SF
BE OF SERVICE

I was clearly leaving out who will have me after the Army is done with me. I now know why my plan was 'woefully' incomplete.

As far as commitment, marriage never meant to me what it is supposed to be. I now understand, that is incorrect.

Thank you again for the replies, the advice has done more than you know.

[JJ_BPK]

Your PLAN is woefully incomplete.

If you think a plan does not include your loved ones, you have failed. Family support is paramount.

That does not mean that if the family supports your effort,, something down the line could and many times does cause a breakup.

My $00.0002

[Peregrino]

You have bigger issues than whether or not to join the military and attempt SF. You should thank your cohabitant for opening your eyes to them. (Cohabitant because IIRC the military doesn't recognize common law marriages.) Hard to blame her for taking an attitude; if you aren't comfortable enough with your relationship to commit to her and your children, she isn't going to be comfortable enough with it to commit to you disappearing for a minimum of 2+ years for training, and we're not going to be overly impressed with your dedication to purpose and any chances that you'll actually succeed in the SFQC.

[TheHulk]

I have read your responses several times over and appreciate the feedback. I will reassess as needed and implement the changes.

Thank you.

[glebo]

Is it just 18X she's against, or the Army as a whole??

Either way, it will be CONSTANTLY on your mind, and you will not be able to give 110+% on your mission. If she's not in it, then don't do it. You will not commit what you need to.

Good luck in what you decide to do. But, you've had good advice here from those who have BTDT.

I met my wife after I'd been in Gp for about 5 yrs., she was the daughter of a retired SF'er...she knew what she was getting into. I also know she had the B-tm covered whilst I was away saving the universe. I knew I could focus, and not worry about drama/household shit in the rear. Makes all the difference in the world.

[TrapperFrank]

My advice to you is if your spouse/significant other is not on board with the program, do not do it! My ex-wife was not on board with the program and she made my life/time in the military a living hell. The way I see it, you have some decisions to make. Best of luck to you in your future endevours and God bless you and your family.